Lighting a flame
by MamzelleHermy
Summary: Sequel to 'A Universe Is Trapped Inside A Tear'. Merlin thought that now that magic was free and he was court advisor things would be better but, of course, all is not that easy and soon old friends and foes arise to change his world once more.
1. Prologue

_**Hello everyone!**_

_**Welcome in the (very) long awaited sequel of 'A Universe Is Trapped Inside A Tear'!**_

_**So, yes, it's been a long time. I am sorry. Really. I didn't want to keep you waiting that long but, well, I began this one-shot collection and I was looking for ideas and then turned out that the one shots have been the inspiration for the sequel! Which means that is you have read the collection, a part of the story will be familliar to you (but, hopefully, it won't chase you away).**_

_**By the way, it is probably better if you have read 'A Universe...' before reading this story because they will be linked. But, if you have any question, do not hesitate to review or PM me!**_

_**I really hope you hadn't forgotten me, or this story, and that you will enjoy this new ride with me! I suppose it will be long (but I won't spoil anything)!**_

_**Don't forget either that reviews, critics, comments and ideas are very very welcome (let it be remembered that 'A Universe Is Trapped Inside A Tear' was supposed to be a one-shot before you reader made it beacome this huge wonderful adventure!) and will be answered.**_

_**Last, but not at all least, I want to adress the hugest thank you ever to my wonderful and supportive Beta: Photo100 whose encouragements certainly helped me find the courage to began posting despite the fact that I'm terrified to know what you'll think about it!**_

_**So, yes, that's it, a new beginning!**_

_**I leave you with the Prologue. First chapter will be updated on Friday (and yes, you can nag me if ever I forget).**_

_**Enjoy!**_

* * *

**Prologue**

The lone rider passed through the trees of the dark forest of Lothian almost noiselessly.

Contrary to the habitual travelers, he looked completely at ease and unworried as he moved through the known bandit-infested region. He knew he was at no risk from the people living in this area of the forest. They were his family, his brothers.

He smiled when he finally felt their minds brush his. He felt their anticipation and pushed his horse faster.

In no time, he saw the tree line thin to give way to a little clearing clustered with brown, green and white tents. Men already surrounded him as he dismounted and his mare was taken care of before he had had time to consider it.

A man, their leader, detached himself from the little group, his expression unreadable.

"What news do you bring?" He asked, his voice calm and calculating.

"Unexpected." The messenger began cryptically. "I come straight from Camelot where the King has just released the ban on magic."

Shocked gasps erupted throughout the camp.

"What?"

"How?"

"This can't be!"

"It's a trick!"

The leader let his men express their surprise before raising his hand calmly.

"Please my friend, explain to us, what made him change his mind?" He mused.

"I don't know my lord. All I know is that the King disappeared for a week with his manservant and one of his knights and made the announcement when he came back."

"And what about Morgana?" A younger voice asked.

The crowd parted to let an adolescent with bright and cold blue eyes approach.

The messenger bowed as the young man reached him.

"The circumstances are not clear but rumors says she is dead and was killed by the king himself. However, I heard guards say that she was already wounded before being put in her cell…"

The boy's fists clenched at his sides as anger rolled off him in waves, making everyone shudder in fear.

"Mordred." The leader admonished forcefully. "Calm yourself. I promise you Arthur Pendragon and the whole of Camelot will pay for that. But anger doesn't give good counsel and we must not act rashly."

"You're right Alvarr." Mordred answered after a long time. "But I will not rest until Camelot bows before me."

* * *

_**EDIT: I can't believe messed up the presentation like that :/ Thanks Shelbylou and my Beta for the notice.**_

_**So, I hope you liked that prologue. Interesting enough for you dear reader?**_

_**See you on Friday!**_

_**Oh, by the way, any artist for the cover?**_


	2. Chapter 1

_**Hello dear readers!**_

_**I can't begin this chapter without thanking you all! You are absolutely AMAZING! I can't even begin to explain how happy and releived I was at the feedback I got for just this little prologue! I really didn't expect to have already so many followers and favouriters (is that a word?) and reviews! I hope I will live up to your expectations!**_

_**I'll also thank my Beta, as ever, for her hard work :)**_

_**So, here is then the first chapter! Time to see what happened to Merlin :)**_

_**Do not hesitate to make your comments known with a review, you would brighten my bleak day ;)**_

_**Enjoy!**_

* * *

**Chapter 1:**

Merlin was running at full speed along the white corridors of Camelot, cursing himself for oversleeping again and apologizing to the people he crossed, hoping he wouldn't run into someone. He could already hear Arthur's voice scolding him.

He couldn't help it if he had spent the evening and a good part of the night in the lower town, helping with the outbreak of an illness that, thankfully, had been nothing too serious but had still taking time.

He arrived in front of the wooden doors to find Arthur waiting for him, arms crossed on his chest, an annoyed look on his face.

"Hello Arthur." Merlin greeted a little breathlessly as he skidded in a halt in front of the King.

"I hope you have a very good reason for being so late." Arthur said, his voice cold.

"Actually, yes. I… I was helping in the lower town last night and came back only early this morning."

"So you overslept." The king interrupted.

Merlin nodded sheepishly and Arthur sighed. "Well, let's just hope you haven't annoyed the lords too much."

Merlin shrugged and straightened his clothes before following the king into the council room and sitting down in his designated seat.

"Well, thank you all for joining us in this council meeting." Arthur began, his voice resonating in the room.

And with that the council began with Merlin only vaguely listening. He knew he should pay more attention but frankly couldn't find it in himself to. In fact, he had discovered during his first council session that the whole Royal Adviser thing was working only for Arthur and a handful of lords but that the majority of them would just plainly ignore him.

So he decided he would just listen and not say a thing. But, of course, this made the council no more interesting than when he had just been a servant. Even less as now he had to look as if he was listening.

To keep himself occupied, he sipped at his goblet of water and observed the nobles around the tables, all looking very regal in their rich clothes and once more the warlock wondered what he was doing there. He knew that this was Arthur showing his appreciation to what he had done and sacrificed for the Kingdom but he couldn't help but feel he was not at his real place.

It was more than an hour later that Arthur finally decided to end the meeting causing Merlin to hide a relieved sigh. He waited until the last lord had left the room before rubbing his neck tiredly, feeling the effects of the night's events.

"You look tired." Arthur commented and Merlin lifted an eyebrow, internally sighing at the King newfound care for his health.

"Well you would too if you'd spent the night in town, working." He tried to joke and when he saw Arthur's still concern glance he said. "I'm fine Arthur."

"You know I don't believe you when you say that anymore." His friend replied.

Merlin groaned and opened his mouth to protest but was interrupted by a loud knock at the door before it opened.

"Sire, I apologize for disturbing you." The guard said. "But Luke is here and wanted to talk to Merlin. He said it is a matter of urgency."

"He'll be there shortly." Arthur answered.

"No, I'll come right away." The warlock interrupted, his gaze fixed on the king who looked like he wanted to object.

Merlin didn't give him the time and went to the door.

"We'll talk about that Merlin." The king called after him.

"I don't doubt it." The younger man answered and closed the door to find Luke waiting for him.

Luke was a younger man than Merlin who had been an apprentice to the herbalist and was now helping the warlock whenever there was a disease that needed more attention that the sorcerer could give. Which had been the case yesterday and still was today.

"Sorry to disturb you Merlin, I know the Council session is important but there have been ten new cases and they seem worse. We were at a bit at a loss as to what to do…"

"You did the right thing Luke, don't worry." Merlin assured.

The young man nodded and began leading Merlin out of the Castle and into the lower town towards the house in which they had gathered most of the sick people in order to treat them more easily.

Once there, Merlin was greeted by the sight of five new patients lying on the ground near the front door, tended to by Elena.

"Ah Merlin! I'm glad you could come!" She told him when she saw both men enter. "These arrived this morning. They seem worse…"

Merlin nodded and crouched down next to a middle aged woman who was lying curled on her side, shivering. He put a hand on her brow and fought not to wince at the heat there. He examined her quickly before moving to the four others.

"We need to cool them down. Do you still have yarrow tincture left?"

Elena shook her head, her ponytail flying.

"No. I gave the last to the Simmons' children." She answered apologetically.

"Okay, we should still have some in stock Elena, but you, Luke should go pick some more yarrow while I go and prepare more of the tincture." Merlin said, trying to sound as if he wasn't ordering them around.

They both nodded before going to do what he said as he turned and walked out of the room, feeling sorry for all the people there he couldn't really help.

How he missed Gaius at times like this. He was sure the old man would have been able to do so much more.

He sighed and shook his head softly. No point in dwelling on those thoughts. He had to brew this potion before his afternoon meetings with various people to discuss magic.

He had been doing that since Arthur appointed him Court Advisor on Magical Affairs and had decided it should be part of his duties to meet anyone who wanted to discuss anything magical so he could then refer them to the king if needs be.

There were far more people than any of them would have thought.

But that didn't mean he was displeased with it. At least during those meetings he could actually express himself, even without mentioning he himself had magic, and they would listen.

With those thoughts he arrived in front of the Physician Chambers. He took a deep breath and entered his former room. He couldn't stop the pang in his chest but he was used to it now and the feeling of loss didn't bother him as much as it had the first few weeks after Gaius' death. He had chosen to keep it as a Physician office where he would prepare and store various potions until they found a new physician.

Not that he was sure he was ready to have someone replace Gaius right now, despite the fact that he had accepted his mentor's passing and was slowly getting over it.

He shook the thoughts away and set to work, he really didn't have time to lose.

* * *

Two hours later and he was pouring the tincture into glass vials when Luke returned loaded with a basket of yarrow flowers.

"Merlin! You're still here?" He exclaimed surprised.

"Yes, I just finished the tincture actually. You should take it to Elena and help her."

"But the flowers have to be put to dry." The younger man protested.

"I'll do it." Merlin said.

"Don't you have your meetings soon?" Luke asked eyebrow raised.

Merlin took a look outside and saw the sun almost at his highest. He grimaced, looking down at his wet shirt from when he had accidently dropped a bowl of water over himself.

"Yeah. You're right… But do that later."

Luke nodded coming to the table to empty his basket and replace the flower with the now full vials.

"Don't hesitate to interrupt me if you need to." Merlin instructed as he left the room, once more running towards his room to change and eat something before his appointment.

* * *

**So? What do you think? I guess it wasn't what you expected but is it any good?**

**Oh, and, I guess I should precise that I don't own Merlin of course ;)**

**See you soon!**


	3. Chapter 2

**_Hello my dear readers!_**

**_First thing first, I want to thank all of you for the favorites and followings! That is totally awesome! And you should review too because it's weird to have people favourite this story when I don't even know what they like in it... But, well, it's obviously not an obligation, it would just be nice for me ;)._**

**_I also want to adress a special thanks to **the Guest reviewer who reviewed last chapter saying he/she marathon A Universe and fell asleep reading it and saying I'm amazing let me tell you that I love you. You brightened my day. So thanks and next time leave your name so I can hug you virtually.**_**

**_**And I will also thank my super awesome Beta that I love!**_**

**_**Thanks for reading and supporting me. Really!**_**

**_**Enjoy next chapter and don't hesitate to contact me, I love interacting with my readers!**_**

* * *

**Chapter 2:**

Arthur could only watch with unmasked frustration as his friend left the council room. He hadn't lied, he didn't believe for one second that Merlin was completely alright. No one could be alright while looking so tired.

And that was with not considering Merlin's vacant expression during almost the whole Council session, despite the fact that it was well masked to an oblivious observer.

He sighed. He should have known that giving the warlock a place as court advisor wouldn't change the fact that in the almost all the others councilmen's eyes he still was just a servant.

If only they knew just how much the young man had sacrificed for them and Camelot, maybe they wouldn't be so quick to dismiss and ignore him.

Or maybe they would. Maybe they would even try to do things far worse than just ignore his opinions and act as if he wasn't even there in the first place.

Arthur shook his head. Despite having lifted the ban of magic, he knew many people were still wary of magic users and if Merlin were to reveal his powers even now, things were not assured to turn out well.

He could almost already hear the accusations of manipulations and evilness.

He wished so much things wouldn't be like that.

Merlin and all the other good sorcerers shouldn't have to live like that, constantly fearing for their lives just because there were some people abusing their gifts for personal gain.

Sometimes his regrets went so far that he almost hated his father for being responsible for the mistrust against magic with his ruthless purge of it. Almost.

He had finally learned what had triggered this whole mess and knew that no one could really judge Uther.

He knew only too well that grief and pain could make people do terrible things. He had seen it often enough and with many people, including Merlin and he could only imagine how he would have reacted if something like that had happened to Guinevere.

The king was shaken out of his thoughts by said queen who had come to lean against the back of his chair, her arms against his neck.

"You look thoughtful." She observed quietly.

"I'm worried about Merlin."

"We're always worried about Merlin." She commented, coming to stand in front of him. "What has he done this time?"

"Nothing per say. It's just a feeling…" Arthur hesitated and Gwen waited for him to continue. "It's just…. He keeps saying he's alright and everything but…"

"You don't believe him." The Queen completed.

"He keeps working so hard between his court duties and replacing Gaius… It can't be healthy."

Gwen smiled softly and went to sit on her husband's thighs, leaning against him as he put his arms around her. She too had noticed that Merlin always seemed extremely busy these days but he also seemed happy enough, if not a bit tired.

"Maybe…. Maybe we should begin looking for a new court physician…" She finally proposed after a time of contemplative silence.

Arthur grimaced.

"I don't know… I'm not sure how Merlin will react to someone replacing Gaius…"

Gwen sighed. She knew Arthur had a point there. She may not have be the one to spend the most time with Merlin after his mentor died but she had still seen how destroyed the young man had been. Everyone had seen it. And she never wanted to see Merlin like that again.

"No one could replace him…. But you said it yourself, Merlin can't keep on doing both his job as court adviser and as physician, without mentioning the whole protecting you thing."

"I don't need protecting." Arthur protested with a groan.

"Of course you do." Gwen kept on, ignoring his indignant glare. "How would you protect yourself against the evil magic users that still want your head?"

Arthur pulled a face but didn't argue further. He knew his wife was right but wasn't about to tell her when she already looked so smug.

"All jokes aside though, we can't have him caring for the wounded and being on the battlefield should conflict arise. We need his magical protection far more than his physician's skills."

"You're right… Of course, you're right… But this doesn't mean I won't worry."

"I know. If you want I can take care of sending letters to the neighbouring kingdoms and druids, asking if they would know of anyone with the skills required."

"That would be great, yes."

"That's sorted then." Gwen said with a smile.

She kissed his lips and pushed herself up.

"If you'll excuse me, I have some work to do, and you better go and do yours instead of daydreaming." She teased.

"I wasn't…" He began protested before letting out a small laugh. "I swear you spend far too much time with Merlin."

Gwen only smiled and left the room in a flurry of dress.

* * *

Arthur spent the rest of the morning and lunch with his knights, keeping in touch with their training especially that of the newer ones, before getting back to his chambers to read the various reports that has accumulated on his desk in only one morning.

He sighed as he sat down, back facing the window to make sure he wouldn't be distracted by just staring aimlessly out of it and brooding over his worry for Merlin.

An hour hadn't passed before he was interrupted by a knock at his door.

"Enter." He bid and watched as Guinevere's maid entered. Her eyes observed the room quickly before stopping on the king. She bowed respectfully.

"I'm sorry to disturb you your highness. The queen is sending me. She was wondering if you knew were Merlin is. He still hasn't arrived in the council room…"

Arthur groaned inwardly, both annoyed and a little bit anxious. If there was one thing that Merlin had never missed or arrived one minute late too, it was the afternoon meetings for magical issues. The King knew that they were Merlin's favourite part of his new job as royal adviser because it gave him the occasion to interact with people who actually respected him and people with whom he could relate.

And the king was only too happy to let him handle that alone with the queen. He knew that this was better than him interfering. It was showing that he trusted Merlin.

"I'll go search for him. Can you tell the queen to make everyone wait?"

"Of course my lord." She bowed again to him and left.

Arthur got up and followed her. Knowing Merlin, the only reason he wouldn't go to perform his duties was an emergency and he knew that the current one was the disease spreading through the lower town. That's why he began by walking towards by the physician chambers.

He didn't bother knocking before entering the room and was surprised to find not Merlin but Luke. The young man jumped at the sound of the door opening and turned sharply towards it, almost knocking down the bowl in front of him. Almost immediately his cheeks turned bright red and he bowed.

"Your highness!" He said, slightly nervous. "Is there something the matter? Do you need a physician? I'm afraid you should better ask Merlin… I could go fetch him in the council chamber if you like."

"No it's alright Luke. In fact I was looking for Merlin. He hadn't come to the meeting and I thought I would find him here."

"Oh… I'm sorry… I haven't seen him since this morning…"

"It's okay Luke. He probably has just forgotten… I'll leave you to your work then."

Luke nodded and bowed as Arthur left the room again.

He decided to follow his second idea and made his way towards Merlin's chambers. Arrived there, he hesitated for a moment before deciding that, for once, he could give Merlin a taste of his own treatment and opened the door without knocking.

The sight that greeted him made him almost laugh out loud.

Merlin was sprawled on his table in what must be a very uncomfortable position: his head in his empty plate of food, an open book next to it on which his arm was lying.

Arthur shook his head fondly as he approached the deeply asleep warlock. He shook his shoulder slightly.

"Merliiiin… Merlin, wake up." He said.

Said warlock groaned and tried to dislodge the king's hand.

"Go 'way." He mumbled.

"At least let me get you to your bed or you'll keep on complaining you have a sore back." Arthur said and hauled his friend up.

It was proof of how exhausted Merlin was that he let himself be manhandled as the king deposited him on the bed.

"You idiot." Arthur said as Merlin buried himself into his bed, instantly beginning to snore lightly.

The king took the time to close the curtains in the room before leaving. He would have to go and inform the queen that her favourite court advisor was fast asleep in his chambers instead of performing his duties because he has spent the last night helping in the lower town.

He smiled however when he imagined how panicked Merlin would be upon waking and noticing that he had slept the whole afternoon away. He just couldn't wait for the younger man to come to them and apologize. Teasing him would be the sweetest revenge.

* * *

**So... What do you think? Any good?**

**See you in two weeks approximatively.**


	4. Chapter 3

_**Hello my dear readers!**_

_**So, this chapter is propably one I was very worried about because... Well because of the point of view. If asked, I probably couldn't tell you where that idea came from. It just happened. I hope that you won't be disapointed and that you will like this idea. I can't wait to have your feedback on it. Like really. (also because I'm kind of worried that you're becoming bored of this story. I swear it will go somewhere.)**_

_**I'm also a bit sorry for the relative lateness of it. The fact is my mother broke her arm so I have to assume her many roles. That and I'm also suffering a bit from the back and ear and had to go to the doctor and so on...**_

_**For next chapter I'm afraid you will have to wait another 2 weeks as next week end will be really busy for me (between other I'm going to see Linkin Park live !) but I will hopefully have time to write in the train (I swear trains are just the best place ever to write).**_

_**Anyway, enough talking. Just a thank you to everyone who's reading this and to my Beta! Love you all!**_

_**Enjoy!**_

* * *

**Chapter 3:**

When the lone rider crossed the entrance of the castle, Alice thought nothing of it. Messengers were a usual occurrence.

She kept going, walking back towards her modest house in the lower town as quickly as her old bones would allow.

Once there, she began preparing a remedy to ease the terrible back pains the seamstress' daughter was experiencing, being eight months pregnant.

She had just finished the incantation for the small enchantment in it when there was a knock at the door. She bid the person to enter and was happy to see Martha come in.

Alice was always glad to see the young serving girl as she had a soft spot for the kind woman who would always come with the latest castle gossips.

Today looked no different and she seemed unusually excited about the news she brought, bouncing back and forth on the balls of her feet.

"Alice!" She cried out enthusiastically.

"Good afternoon Martha. How are you today? You look excited." Alice noted.

The young woman nodded.

"You saw the messenger? He came from Camelot! And he had a message from the queen herself! She said they were looking for a new court physician and it made me think of you. Didn't you say you had lived there when you were younger?"

Alice stilled at the news, her heart beginning to beat far too quickly in her chest.

They're looking for a new court physician…

Why? Did something happen to Gaius? Or had he just finally decided to retire?

Alice prayed for the latter to be true but she couldn't shake the doubt that took hold of her mind.

He hadn't written to her in the last few months… In fact, she could hardly remember the last time she had received a letter from him…

She had presumed that he was being kept busy with all that she had heard happened in Camelot…. But what if it wasn't that?

"Did the queen say why they are recruiting?" She asked, her voice sounding frail, even to her own ears.

Martha frowned, looking concerned.

"I… I don't think so no… Alice, are you alright? You look pale. Maybe you should sit down for a moment…"

Alice let herself be guided to a chair, feeling numb as dread began spreading in her veins.

Almost immediately she shot back up again and went to her closet.

"Alice? What are you doing?"

"I must leave for Camelot at once!" The older woman answered.

"But… You can't leave us like that… What about us? We need you and your knowledge!"

Alice stopped mid-movement, feeling guilty for abandoning the people that had so kindly taken her in when she had fled Camelot.

"I'm sorry Martha… Truly, I am… But I'm quite sure you'll be able to cope without me and I promise I'll come back as soon as I can but I really have to go…"

The young woman still looked at her with tearful eyes but nodded in resignation.

"Fine… But at least don't leave before I can get you some food and supplies for the journey."

Alice smiled softly. She would miss her young friend.

"Thank you Martha."

* * *

The six next days were torturous to Alice as she rode alone towards Camelot.

Her mind was in a turmoil of contrasting emotions ranging from freezing worry to the conviction that she was being stupidly paranoid and was probably risking her life for nothing and would be scolded by Gaius for it.

At night, she found herself reminiscing about her time with the physician, thinking back to the time when they were both young and impatient to explore the world. She remembered their shared dreams and passion for knowledge, not only magical but also scientific and historic.

And just before settling down to sleep she would let herself dream of continuing this life. She and her beloved once more reunited in Camelot. This time with nothing between them and all the time they needed now that Gaius wasn't court physician anymore.

Maybe they could even travel a bit, go to the sea like he had promised her all those years ago.

And when she finally saw the white castle looming in the distance she couldn't have described her emotions anymore. It was a confusing mix of dread, happiness and sadness warring with each other without winner.

She resisted the urge to spur her tired horse faster but instead kept on riding peacefully until she reached the lower town.

She forced herself to remain calm as she passed the guards at the entrance of the citadel, hoping they wouldn't recognize her and throw her directly in the dungeons.

Thankfully, they let her pass with nothing more than a blink of their eyes and she found herself in the square courtyard. She dismounted and tied her horse to one of the wooden pole erected just for that purpose.

She easily remembered her way into the castle and quickly arrived in front of the old wooden doors leading in the physician's room.

She stopped for a moment, her heart thudding almost painfully in her chest, then she raised her hand to knock.

A few more heartbeats and the door opened to reveal a young, blond haired man that she had never seen before.

"Good morning." He greeted politely with a smile. "What can I do for you?"

Alice cleared her throat.

"Hello. I wanted to see Gaius, the former court physician." She asked, trying to peer over his shoulder and into the room.

The boy in front of her frowned, looking sad.

"Don't you know? Gaius passed away ten months ago." He announced and Alice could have sworn she felt her heart shattering into tiny pieces that ripped painfully through her core.

She didn't realize she was shaking and gasping for breath until the young man took hold of her shoulders to steady her.

"Hey, hey." He said, sounding a little bit panicked himself. "Calm down. Breathe deeply… Come inside, you look like you need a sit down."

He forcefully led her to an old chair and made her sit, placing her head down between her knees. The physician in her recognized the position and knew she had to force herself to steady her breathing.

Which was easier said than done.

The still unknown man then began rubbing soothing circles on her back and she fleetingly thought he might have some medical training.

This went on for long minutes, during which Alice finally began calming and noticing the tears that were running down her face.

"What… What happened?" She finally croaked, voice low.

The boy shifted on his feet, looking uncomfortable.

"I… I probably should get Lord Merlin… He would be more able than me to tell you… Can I leave you here for a moment?

Alice's mind was reeling. _Lord_ Merlin. Just how much exactly has she missed?

She nodded and he left her alone. She heard his running pace fade quickly.

She took the opportunity to observe the room, trying to stop her tears. She noticed the small differences, how the room now seemed a bit more organized, the lack of books scattered everywhere.

It felt despairingly empty instead of homely like the last time she had been there.

But it was still obviously used by a physician if the drying herbs and medicinal scent was any indication.

She felt so confused.

* * *

It couldn't be more than ten minutes later before she heard rapid footsteps echoed in the corridor and she forced herself to sit straighter.

A second later and the door opened to reveal the boy she remembered as Merlin, Gaius' young ward that the physician had loved as a son.

But it was obvious the boy had changed. His face and body looked more mature, a man now. He came to an abrupt stop, shock overcoming his strong features, his blue eyes widening for a second before being shadowed by a deep sadness that echoed what Alice felt.

"Alice." He breathed and she was shocked to hear how strangled his voice sounded.

He seemed to shake himself and entered the room, the man that had welcomed her following him.

"It's okay, Luke, you can go." Merlin said, his voice still sounding off from what she remembered. "I'll handle this."

The younger man nodded and left, closing the door after him.

"Merlin." Alice finally answered and she didn't know what exactly she was feeling at the moment.

He slowly came to sit down in front of her, looking at a loss for words, eyes unreadable.

Part of her wanted to pity him but a more important part of her needed answers.

"Is it true?" She asked, her voice thankfully only slightly shaking. "Is he really… Dead?"

She saw him flinch visibly as his gaze fell back down to stay on his hands. He took a deep breath and nodded.

"What happened?"

Merlin tensed, shoulders going rigid. He had to clear his throat several times before he began speaking, talking to a point somewhere over her left shoulder, but with vague eyes, lost in memories.

"He… He was imprisoned… The last time Morgana took control of Camelot… With two other knights… But… They weren't given enough food or water… His body couldn't… Couldn't take the strain…." Merlin explained quietly, eyes filling with tears that he blinked away.

Alice felt her shock and sadness renew, thinking of Gaius, starving, dying, alone, abandoned, in one of Camelot's cell. One thing he had always feared.

And then anger replaced those feelings.

"And you?" She asked, sounding bitter but refusing to be sorry for it. "Where were you?"

Merlin's eyes snapped to her, pupils widening and, if possible, she thought she saw his muscles freeze even more.

His mouth opened once, twice, before closing with a small noise. His eyes fell to the floor once more and she saw a tear fall down on his cheek.

"I…" He croaked, his voice rough as if he was crying. "I was forced to run away with Arthur… He… He needed my protection."

"And Gaius didn't?" Alice asked, her voice cutting like a knife.

A voice that sounded strangely like the dead physician's told her she was being unfair but she refused to listen to it. Merlin had been Gaius ward, he should have protected the old man before a young man that could easily enough defend himself alone, king or not.

The shock silence spread for a long time before Merlin finally opened his mouth to talk.

"I'm… I'm sorry…" He whispered, his voice weak and shaky.

* * *

**So what do you think? Alice is back! **


	5. Chapter 4

_**Hellloooo everyone!**_

_**Look at that, this is me actually puclishing a chapter when I said I would (well, there was a small delay but I had a terrible headache)!**_

_**So, yeah, good news is I also really worked during my train rides last week end (god bless the one who invented trains, it's sooo the best place to write) so I'm happy (even if I didn't manage to write a one shot).**_

_**To finish a big thank you to the few people reviewing this story and supporting me! Love you!**_

_**Big love to my Beta too :)**_

_**Enjoy the chapter &amp; leave a little review if you want!**_

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Chapter 4:

Merlin had been on his way to eat lunch with Arthur when Luke had come running towards him. It appeared as if he had been running a long time as, when he finally slid to a stop in front of the warlock, he breathed heavily, hands on his knees.

"Mer… Merlin." He tried to say.

"It's alright Luke, first get your breath back."

The boy nodded and after another minute or two looked up.

"There's an old woman in the physician's chambers. She was looking for Gaius." He finally announced.

Merlin felt his whole world freeze around him as his own breath fled from him. And he was almost certain that his face turned a few shade paler.

"Merlin? Are you alright?" Luke asked, his worried voice shaking Merlin from his dazed state.

"What did she look like? What did you tell her?" He answered, completely ignoring the other man's concern.

"I don't know… She was my height, white hair. Nothing special really… I told her about the physician's passing and she had some kind of panic attack… She wanted to know what happened and I thought it would be best if you explain it to her."

Merlin nodded, feeling numb with shock and dread. He had an idea who the old woman could be and he suddenly realized that he should have known that this would happen one day, realized he should have found her and told her that her love was dead and had been for a very long time.

He didn't wait any longer before taking off towards the physician's chambers, barely registering Luke's footsteps following his.

It took almost no time for them to arrive in front of the well-known wooden doors.

Merlin would be lying if he later said he didn't have to force himself not to run away.

He was petrified by the prospect of seeing Alice again. Of facing the woman he had condemned to death, forced into exile and, deprived of precious years with her lover.

For a moment, he thought he might suffocate with guilt but forced himself to continue. He would face her ire. He deserved it anyway.

He opened the door and, even if he had guessed it was her, couldn't stop the shock he felt from seeing her, nor the sadness that rose in him once more.

He forced a breath through his strangled throat.

"Alice." He uttered softly before shaking himself from his motionless state and advancing into the room, telling Luke to leave them alone in words he wouldn't remember later.

"Merlin." She answered, her voice strangely emotionless despite the fact that her eyes were still shining with the tears she had shed and more that still threatened to spill.

He came to sit in front of her and waited for her to speak. He didn't know what to say.

"Is it true? Is he really… Dead?" She finally questioned after the longest of time, her voice steady but so sad that Merlin felt his heart being ripped apart once more.

He couldn't stop his flinch at the word and instead let his gaze fall to where his hands were tightly clenching his knees, unwilling to face her grief, and nodded.

He heard her gasp and knew what her next question would be.

And, indeed, she asked him what happened. He didn't want to tell her, didn't want to bring those memories back but he knew he had no other choice. She, at least, deserved to hear the truth if she so wanted.

He had to fight with all his might to get the words out, blinking endlessly to keep his tears at bay and when he finished he could see how heartbroken Alice was.

And then he saw the awaited ire enter her eyes.

"And you? Where were you?" She questioned, her icy tone sending his muscles into a painful clench.

He opened his mouth to answer but no words got out. He looked down once more, letting a tear escape.

"I… I was forced to run away with Arthur… He… He needed my protection." He tried to justify but knew how lame it all sounded, in front of Alice.

"And Gaius didn't?" She asked, her voice cutting through him as efficiently as any blade, bringing back the guilt he had battled with for so long, and thought he had overcome.

He didn't know what to say because what she said was true. Gaius had needed his help and he hadn't given it to him. Hadn't even taken the time to check on him.

"I'm… I'm sorry…" He forced himself to say even if he knew that would never be enough.

"You're sorry?" Alice cried out, getting up angrily and for a moment Merlin thought she would strike him.

But she seemed to change her mind and sat down heavily once more.

He saw her open her mouth from the corner of his eyes but she was interrupted by the door opening behind Merlin.

"Ah! There you are!" The voice of Arthur interrupted, sounding like his usual annoyed self. Merlin didn't know if he was relieved or absolutely panicked that the king was here.

He seemed to sense the tense ambiance in the room and Merlin heard him take a step forward.

"Merlin?" He added and the warlock refused to turn towards him, hiding his face and keeping silent.

He knew that if he opened his mouth now Arthur would know what happened and he really didn't want to talk with the other man for the moment.

In fact, he very much wanted to just get out of here.

He forced a deep breath into his lung to keep his emotions in check before answering.

"I think we will have to cancel our lunch, Arthur. Sorry."

And with that he got up from his chair and crossed the room, keeping his eyes firmly on the ground, praying that no one would stop him.

"But where are you going? I thought you were with a patient…" Arthur said but Merlin ignored him as he was already at the door.

Once in the corridor, he ran and didn't stop until he was in his chambers, doors firmly and magically locked behind him.

And only then did he let himself cry the tears that had wanted to fall since he saw Alice's accusatory look.

He glanced around the empty room and suddenly felt unfit to be in it and only a few minutes after arriving, found himself running out again, this time going outside.

He crossed paths with various knights and servants who greeted him but he ignored them, keeping on running until he was in the forest.

When he arrived in the clearing, Aithusa was there and looked up at him with worry shining in her big dark eyes. She wasn't old enough to speak for at least another year but Merlin understood that she was wondering why he was so sad.

He stopped short, surprised, but finally sighed, letting himself fall down to sit on the ground.

Aithusa immediately walked towards him and put her head on his knees, nudging his side. Merlin put his hand on her head, slowly caressing it, feeling like crying again because he didn't deserve her kindness when he barely have time to spend with her between all his court responsibilities.

"I'm sorry I didn't come to see you earlier." He finally said.

The dragon eyed him with what could be described as a frown before shaking her head and shuffling closer to him, her warmth comforting the warlock.

He sighed and hugged her, burying his face into her scales and wishing he could just go back in time.

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_**Yes, this was me indulging myself in fluff and bringing Aithusa back because I bloody loooove this dragon!**_

_**What do you think?**_


	6. Chapter 5

**_Hello my dear readers!_**

**_So, yeah, one day late. Really, really sorry! Can I be excused by saying that it was because I spent a whole afternoon caching up on The Fall ? You know, Colin Morgan and stuff? (and if you haven't watched this show, I'm strongly advising you to. It is awesome, terribly well made, desturbing and addictive.)._**

**_What more to say? I'll just get sentimental (once more) and thank you all for still keeping up with me and my writing. Once more, you cannot imagine exactly how much this helps me in my day to day life. I'm not at all a self assured person and I sent most of the time doubting everything and everyone and I think that writing is my only interesting feature (and even that I am doubting more often than not). So yeah, thank you for your support, for adding this story and the others in your favorites or following. And even more adding me! I probably don't deserve it but THANK YOU!_**

**_And also a very huge thank you to my Beta who puts up with me too :)_**

**_I hope you'll enjoy this little chapter!_**

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**Chapter 5:**

Arthur tapped his fingers on the wooden table before him, ignoring his wife's annoyed look.

It took another half an hour of that before Gwen finally lost her temper and put her hands on his.

"Go look for him if you must but for god's sake Arthur you're making me anxious!" She exclaimed and the king looked at her sheepishly, feeling like a young boy being scolded.

"Sorry." He said. "I just have a bad feeling…"

_And how ironic that sentence was_, Arthur thought.

Gwen nodded and gestured towards the door.

"I love you." The king said as he kissed her wife on his way out.

"Me too, now go find our court advisor." She called after him.

And with that he was out of the room, hoping his gut was mistaken and Merlin was alright._ Maybe he had just fallen asleep on the job again_.

It took him almost no time to arrive in front of Merlin's chambers and, as ever, entered without knocking, a retort already on his lips.

Only to be disappointed as the room was empty.

"I swear Merlin, only you can make a king search his own castle for a former manservant." He grumbled to the air as he turned back to the corridor and towards his next destination.

If Merlin wasn't in his own chambers, there was every chance he was in the physician's. Turning left, Arthur followed the crowded corridor, answering the many greetings he received before he finally arrived at the end of the staircase leading up to the physician's chambers.

He heard a cry from above him and concluded that his guess was probably right and that he would indeed find his friend working when he was supposed to be relaxing – and eating – with his king and queen.

He quickly went up the flight of stair, annoyance building up at Merlin's lack of concern for his own health.

Once more, he didn't bother knocking as he opened the door in a wide movement.

"Ah! There you are!" He exclaimed, not even trying to hide how irritated he was.

He expected Merlin to respond with some choice words of his own and scold his king for interrupting him with a patient, but he didn't even move.

In fact, his already straight back seemed to tense even more and Arthur noticed his tightly clenched hands on his knees.

"Merlin?" He added, knowing that something was terribly wrong and feeling an old worry ignite again in his gut.

Long minutes passed before the king saw his friend inhale deeply and then answer him in that cold, falsely unemotional way that the king had come to hate in the past months.

"I think we will have to cancel our lunch, Arthur. Sorry." He announced and proceeded to jump out of the chair he was sitting on and almost run to the door with his head bowed low, hiding his face from his friend.

As if lunch was still the first thing in the king's mind!

"But where are you going? I thought you were with a patient…" He asked, feeling utterly confused at Merlin's strange and worrying attitude.

But his friend didn't answer, didn't even seem to hear as he took off running the minute he was in the corridor, his footsteps quickly fading away.

Arthur just stared at the open door, not knowing if he should run after Merlin or let him be. Turning back to the inside of the room, he eyed the other occupant of the room.

It was an old woman that also looked a bit confused by what had just happened but he could also see the fresh tear tracks on her cheeks and the unveiled grief in her eyes.

"I apologize for Lord Merlin's behavior. Is there any way I can help you?" Arthur proposed awkwardly.

"No… Thank you sire." The woman answered, her voice rough but it did ignite a small spark of recognition in him.

He frowned, trying to recall where he could have met her.

"Have we met? You seem familiar…" The king asked.

Panic seemed to spark in the woman's eyes as her mouth opened and closed in search of an answer.

And then, out of nowhere, Arthur remembered. A gasp escaped him.

"Oh my god! You are her! Gaius' fiancée!" He explained.

Suddenly Merlin's behavior made far more sense. Dread filled Arthur.

"What did you do to Merlin?" He questioned, aware that he was sounding pretty menacing and not feeling particularly bothered by it.

"Nothing." She answered defensively.

"Then what did you say to him?" He asked, knowing that words can be just as painful as any action, especially to Merlin.

He saw Alice hesitating, her mouth opening and closing before she sighed.

"Only the truth: that he should have protected Gaius as was his duty as ward." She answered, her voice hard with lingering anger.

Arthur managed to bite back the curse that wanted to erupt from him only thanks to years of training in council but he couldn't stop the tightening of his fists at his side.

"How dare you." He all but gritted out through clenched teeth. "How dare you judge him when you can't even imagine how much he suffered? You don't have any idea how guilty he felt and still feels about this! He was just getting better and now you come and ruin that!"

After his rant he breathed deeply, trying to regain his calm. He wanted to go out there and find Merlin but he couldn't leave Alice alone. After all, she was officially a fugitive In Camelot. He turned towards the door and called for a guard.

"You are to keep an eye on her." He instructed the man. "She is not to leave Camelot. Put her in the cells if she tries anything."

He looked back to the woman in the room who returned his gaze with a pensive look.

"I hope for you that Merlin is alright." He said before leaving the room, stalking purposefully towards his friend's chamber, hoping the man was there.

He arrived in front of the wooden door and, for once, took the time to knock softly before entering.

He found the room cold and empty. Just to be sure, and because he knew his friend could hide very well if he so wanted, he carefully searched each corner before admitting that Merlin truly wasn't there. He cursed under his breath despite the fact that he should have known his friend would make things difficult.

Not about to let himself be deterred by such a small contradiction he went out of the room again and decided to climb the eastern tower knowing that the ex-servant had a liking for the place when he felt down.

It was an out-of-breathe but hopeful king that opened the door only to be attacked by a gust of cold wind. Drawing his cloak more tightly around himself he quickly made his way around the tower and concluded Merlin wasn't there either.

"Damn it Merlin where are you?" He said out loud as his worry returned full force.

Feeling slightly discouraged, he made his way back to the main part of the castle just as the bell chimed. He wanted to go and look for his friend but he was already late for a meeting with a merchant from the south. Catching sight of Gwaine at the end of the corridor he called out.

"Arthur." The man said, his usual smile already in place. "Shouldn't you be with Guthred?"

"Indeed but something's happened..." The knight sobered at the king's unusually dark tone. "It's a long story but in short Merlin's run away… I need you to find him."

"What? But why? What did you do to him! I swear..."

"I did nothing Gwaine!" The king interrupted, trying to rein his frustration in. "Gaius' fiancé came here and I fear what she told him might have... affected him..."

The knight observed Arthur for a moment, obviously still a bit skeptical about the king's non implication, before nodding.

"Right. I'll find him. Don't worry."

"Thank you Gwaine. I already checked his chambers and the eastern tower."

With a final nod, the knight left, straight-backed and purposeful.

Arthur felt just a tiny bit better.

If he could trust anyone to find Merlin, it was Gwaine.

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**So what do you think? Up to your expectations?**

**Do not hesitate to leave me a little comment. It would make my day!**


	7. Chapter 6

_**Hello my dear readers,**_

_**First things first, let me wish you all a wonderful year 2015! I hope it will bring you everything you want, love, inspiration, whatever makes you happy and I hope that your dreams will come true! **_

_**Once more, thanks to my fantastic Beta for her fantastic word and to you for reading me and still keeping this fandom alive, even after 2 years. **_

**_I hope you will like this chapter! Don't hesitate to leave a review, good or bad, just tell me what you think/wish._**

**_Enjoy!_**

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**Chapter 6:**

Gwaine strode from one corridor to the next, stopping everyone from servant to noble man but mostly targeting the former as he knew they would be the more likely to notice the one they all considered an example, to ask if they have seen Merlin.

Most of them hadn't, but eventually he found a young, and stunningly beautiful, maid who answered his question in the positive.

"Oh, yes, I passed him about an hour ago when I was making my way to the laundry room… Why? Has something happened to him?" She asked, obviously worried. "He did seem somewhat pale and disturbed."

"No, no! Don't worry. I'm sure he's fine." He quickly lied, hoping to stop rumors from spreading. "Do you know which way he went?"

"It looked like he was heading outside but I can't be sure…"

"Okay, thanks beauty!" He answered before turning back and heading to the stables.

If Merlin had decided to leave the castle, then Gwaine knew exactly where the young man was.

* * *

Half an hour later and Gwaine was loosely attaching his horse to a tree just outside a familiar clearing.

Progressing slowly for the last few feet, he tried to prepare himself for what he would encounter next.

He hadn't known that Gaius had had a fiancée and wondered what she could have told Merlin.

Finally, he entered the sunlit space to find Merlin sitting there, motionless, with Aithusa lying next to him, her head in his lap.

Gwaine approached carefully and the white dragon looked up to eye him curiously. The movement seemed to shake Merlin from whatever trance he had been in because he turned to see what had disturbed the dragon.

"Oh. It's you Gwaine." He commented before turning back to Aithusa but not before the knight had the time to see the redness of his eyes.

"Hello Merlin. Care if I join you?" He asked, forcing himself to keep his tone as cheery as usual despite the ball of uneasiness that sat heavily in his stomach.

"You will even if I say no." The younger man observed in a tired voice. "So you might as well make yourself comfortable."

The tone clearly indicated that Merlin would have preferred to be left alone but Gwaine wasn't about to do what his friend thought was best because he knew it wasn't the case.

So Gwaine sat in front of Merlin, careful not to disturb Aithusa.

The dragon shuffled towards him.

"Hello Aithusa." The knight greeted, petting the dragon and going so far as to fish an apple he had in his pocket and giving it to the dragon who seemed very happy about the attention.

"You're going to spoil her." Merlin complained softly, like he did every time Gwaine offered food to the young dragon.

"Well, she likes it." Gwaine smiled, petting the dragon once more before she turned back to Merlin and nudging him as if to apologize for leaving him.

Merlin sighed and put his hand on her head, a silent conversation obviously going on between them.

The silence that then fell seemed to last for a long time as Gwaine was determined not to push Merlin for the answers he craved. Instead, he forced himself to act relaxed and care-free and let himself lie down on the ground, eyes fixed on the sky while still keeping his friend in his line of sight.

There was no denying the young warlock had been deeply upset by whatever had been said to him. And that worried Gwaine more than the knight cared to admit.

There was also no denying that he felt as if Merlin were his younger brother he wanted to protect him. Ideally, he would like to take his friend's suffering upon himself and never let Merlin anywhere near anything even remotely dangerous. Nonetheless, he knew that such a fear wasn't possible and past deeds could not be rewritten, no matter how much you wanted to.

As Gwaine pondered Merlin's life and trials, the sun continued its course through the sky and so over an hour passed before the young warlock finally spoke again.

"You're not going to ask what happened?" He said, sounding curious but resigned.

"Only if you want to tell me." Gwaine answered, only slightly inclining his head towards his friend, eyes squinting against the sun that was streaming directly into them at that angle.

Merlin sighed, looking like he was debating with himself about it. The knight had to make a conscious effort not to appear too impatient to know.

Finally, Gwaine saw him square his shoulders and tense them while not stopping the rubbing motion he made against Aithusa's white scales.

"I guess I should have known this would happen one day." Merlin began, his voice tired.

"What?" Gwaine prompted, even if he knew the basics.

"Alice came back." The warlock answered as if it was an explanation the knight would understand.

"Who's Alice?" He asked.

For a second, Merlin looked surprised.

"Oh… Yes, I suppose I should explain that… Alice is… _was_ Gaius' fiancée. They were about to get married before the Great Purge… But, well, she was well known as a magic healer… Gaius helped her escape and decided to remain in Camelot so he would be able to help others survive…"

The warlock trailed off, his gaze momentarily lost in the past before he visibly shook himself.

"They didn't see each other for twenty years and then she came back to Camelot. But she was under the influence of a magic creature and tried to kill the king… I had to report her and she was once more arrested. He helped her escape again and once more remained in Camelot… And now… He is dead. And it's my fault they couldn't have been together then and now."

Merlin concluded and Gwaine saw him blink tears away.

The knight didn't know what to say. He had never thought about Gaius having a private life. And the tale Merlin told was heart breaking.

With a weary sigh he pushed himself back to a sitting position to observe the young man in front of him.

"We've been over this many times Merlin, but I will repeat it to you this time and as many other times as necessary until it sticks in you thick magical skull: what happened to Gaius was not your fault." He enunciated, making sure that Merlin was listening to him, or at least hearing him.

Merlin just shook his head sadly, looking away.

"She said… She didn't understand why I didn't try harder to save him… And my only reply was that Arthur needed me… How meager does that sound! I got her love killed and my only excuse is that I was too busy saving the son of the man that persecuted and exiled her!"

And now the anger was back in the young man's tone, making Gwaine shiver. _God Merlin can be scary when he's angry_, the knight thought.

Even Aithusa seemed a bit afraid as she looked up at Merlin. She tried to nudge him again but he ignored her, instead pushing himself up and pacing angrily.

The small dragon looked lost at the change in her dragonlord and stayed motionless.

"Don't worry." Gwaine told her, remembering that Merlin had explained that she could understand him, and placing his hand comfortingly on her head. "I'll take care of him, yeah?"

The dragon looked up at him before nodding.

Gwaine pushed himself up too and stopped Merlin mid pace.

"Stop that Merlin. You had no other choice and you know it. And if this Alice doesn't understand that then it's her loss. She knows nothing about you or your relationship with Gaius. She has no right to judge you and neither should you be so hard on yourself, okay?"

Merlin still wasn't looking at him but Gwaine could see the tears that were now falling. He sighed and stepped forward putting his arms around Merlin and hugging him strongly.

"You did the right thing Merlin." He repeated for the umpteenth time in the last six months. "You did the right thing."

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_**Yes, I couldn't stop myself from being dear Aithusa back. I just love this little dragon far too much.**_

_**Until next time!**_


	8. Chapter 7

_**Hello everyone!**_

_**So, hum, I know, I'm late. Really sorry about that... I don't really have an excuse for that except for the fact that those days I feel super-stressed about writing... **_

_**Explanations : this story is kind of freaking me out. Like really. I'm scared that you're all thinking it's getting nowhere but it will be. Promise. And then I want to participate to this english writing contest but can't write a bloody thing that feels good and the deadline is now less than a month from now. And I missed my Writing course and I'm worried that I'm just constantly lying to myself thinking I can actually write while at the same time I really want to go to conferences and courses... But in english and well... I'm still in France soooo...**_

_**And well, I can't say that the events from last week encouraged me writing last week end... What a strange world we live in those days... Killing people for drawing a satirical cartoon... It really shocked me and for the first time in my life I went out in the streets to show my support and say the now famous Je Suis Charlie. Not because I always agreed with what this journal said but because I support their right to do so.**_

**_Anyway, before finally leaving you to read, I want to thank you so much for your support and especially my Beta who does a wonderful work! I'd be nothing without you!_**

**_Enjoy !_**

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**Chapter 7:**

A part of Merlin knew he was being stupid; knew he shouldn't feel guilty anymore about what had happened to Gaius; had understood that sometimes there was just no changing fate.

But it was just a small part of him. A small part that had been even more reduced since his talk with Alice.

And despite what Gwaine was telling him, it was still impossible for him to let that part grow again. Mostly because now he also felt guilty for the pain and grief he had brought to Alice as well. A suffering she hadn't ever deserved.

But, even if he didn't think he deserved any of it, he still let himself be comforted by Gwaine's words and hug. He let himself feel safe and loved against the warmth of the drunkard knight he trusted so much, glad for the older man's presence even if the dark part of him kept telling him that he should stop being such a burden to the people he loved.

* * *

A long time passed with Gwaine murmuring reassurances and rubbing his back before Merlin felt like moving.

He took a step back and couldn't quite suppress the embarrassed blush that colored his cheeks as he looked everywhere except at the knight in front of him.

The older man, being more perceptive than people generally thought, gracefully didn't comment but instead clapped him on the shoulder.

"You know what, Merlin?" He announced, voice just as cheerful as ever, without a trace of the seriousness it had held earlier. "I think we both need a good, fresh tankard of mead."

Merlin almost laughed at the sheer normality of this given that his whole world seemed once more unstable and bleak.

The knight didn't give him the opportunity to answer before steering him out of the clearing and towards his horse.

Merlin willed himself to believe that, maybe, for once, spending a night drinking with Gwaine wouldn't be such a bad idea.

* * *

Confusion.

That was the first thing Merlin experienced when he began coming back to his senses.

Confusion. And a head-splitting headache.

He repressed a groan and tried to remember what had happened to him. It didn't seem like a bad thing as he didn't feel particularly menaced. Also, he trusted the fact that his magic always informed him whenever he, or Camelot, was in danger. Which it wasn't doing at the moment.

_Then why the headache?_

He tried to remember what he had been doing before being unconscious but thinking was made very difficult by the pain reverberating in his skull like a blacksmith's hammer.

_God he'd give anything for one of Gaius' famous hangover remedies._

_Oh…_

The familiar pain slammed back into Merlin, sobering him a bit.

He remembered now. Alice, her accusations, running through the forest as if he could outrun the voice in his head telling him she was right.

And then Gwaine finding him, staying with him and calming him even if he didn't think he deserved the support.

Gwaine saying they needed a drink…

One drink turning into two then four then… He lost count after a while and his memories were fuzzy at best.

He repressed another groan. He should have known following the knight was a bad idea.

God knows what had happened and where he was now.

Merlin decided that he should face whatever consequences the night had resulted in – and surely there were consequences to be because it was always the case with Gwaine.

He opened his eyes a fraction and was immediately assaulted by bright light that mad ehis head throb with renewed intensity.

This time, he let out a small moan, reaching with his hand to rub at his temple.

He valiantly resisted the urge to close his eyes, curl into a ball and fall back to sleep to wait for the hangover to pass and looked around himself.

With surprise and renewed confusion he recognized the clearing he had been in a few hours before with Aithusa.

He frowned and push himself into a sitting position.

"Ah, you're finally awake."

Merlin jumped at the voice that came from behind him and quickly turned around.

He came face to face with an old man with white hair tarnished with gold streaks and strangely disturbing golden eyes.

Merlin felt as if he should know him even if he was sure he had never seen the man in his life.

"Hum… Hello…" Merlin answered, feeling dumb and with a mouth too dry and sticky.

The man didn't answer but kept his eyes fixed on Merlin as if the warlock should have said something else.

When the uncomfortable silence just carried on, Merlin asked.

"Do I know you? You seem familiar to me?"

Unexpectedly, the man let out a loud bark of laughter that, once more, sounded known to Merlin.

"Familiar." The man repeated, his voice managing to sound both amused and annoyed. "God, I knew you were slow sometimes young warlock but I didn't think you this bad."

Irritation sparked in Merlin before he froze, the man's words replaying in his mind.

_Young warlock._

Only one person in the world caller him that…

"That's not possible." He breathed.

The man lifted an eyebrow at him.

"Kilgharrah… But… But how?" He stuttered.

"I believe, Merlin, that it is I who should ask that question."

Merlin opened his mouth to answer. But closed it again when he couldn't come up with an explanation.

"I… I don't know…" He answered distractedly.

He tried once more to remember what happened the night prior.

Gwaine and him had been in the tavern. Talking… About magic…

Yes. Gwaine was asking questions about his magic but Merlin hadn't wanted to answer. He still was reluctant to discuss his powers, even if the knight had seen them in action.

So Gwaine had switched topic to dragons.

The knight had taken a liking in Aithusa and was intrigued to learn more about the noble race.

And as Merlin shared his meager knowledge Gwaine had kept refilling his tankard. Again. And again. And again.

Until Merlin's natural inhibitions and control faded away.

And after that… Well, Merlin's mind was blank.

He looked up at Kilgharrah and repressed a shudder at the human dragon raised eyebrow that clearly showed he was annoyed about being stuck in this abnormal form.

"I… Uh… I can arrange that." Merlin announced, getting up on unsteady legs.

"I'm sure you will." The now human-dragon answered and the unsaid _or there will be hell to pay_ was left clearly ringing in the air.

"I just have to consult some books."

Merlin turned back to Camelot, ignoring the annoying way the world seemed to tilt around him.

"Merlin…" The dragon called. "Maybe you should take your friend with you."

The warlock turned back towards the man standing in the clearing with a frown until Kilgharrah nodded towards the sleeping form of Gwaine sprawled on the ground not too far away.

"Oh… Yes… Of course, yes."

Merlin walked back towards the knight and shook him slightly.

"Gwaine." He hissed, not too loudly in consideration of the probable headache the man had. "Gwaine, wake up."

When this didn't work he shook his friend more forcibly until, finally, the drunkard showed signs of awareness.

"Merlin, my friend, last night was so cool!" He said and Merlin was jealous to hear that he didn't sound even slightly hung-over.

"I hate you." Merlin mumbled under his breath. "Come on, we have to go back to the castle."

He steered his friend up and Gwaine finally noticed they weren't alone.

"Oh… So that wasn't an illusion." He commented lightly.

He ignored Merlin's pulls and quickly crossed the clearing separating him from Kilgharrah.

"Hello, nice to finally meet you!" He said offering his hand to shake.

The human-dragon threw a look at Merlin before accepting the limb.

"Likewise, sir knight. However, I would really like to have my true form back."

"Yes, of course." Merlin answered quickly as Gwaine opened his mouth. "We're going now and I'll be back as quickly as possible."

"Wait, I wouldn't mind staying here to…. Keep your friend company …"

Kilgharrah's eyebrow lifted in curiosity.

"It's fine Gwaine, I really don't think he needs it." Merlin said and began pulling at the knight's arm again.

Gwaine pouted but thankfully followed the warlock.

Merlin hid a sigh of relief. If there was one thing he really didn't want it was for Gwaine to spend hours with the dragon, grilling him with questions about him, his powers and his accomplishments.

He knew his reluctance may be stupid but years of habit couldn't be changed in a few months. No matter how great and accepting his friends were.

* * *

**So, yes, I know, many of you probably are familliar with this stuff and no you're not wrong. This is indeed really inspired by a one shot I did in "What Could Have Been". I hope you won't be too disapointed. Many reviews asked me for a sequel to this particular one shot and it felt right to include it in this story. It goes somewhere. I promise.**

**Can't wait to red your reviews for this one! Tell me what you think! What do you think will happen?**


	9. Chapter 8

_**Hello everyone!**_

_**So, hum, yes, I'm one week late on my planing... Really sorry. My sole excuse is that I was really sick last week (the kind of sickness where you struggle to breathe without coughing a lung up and loose your voice because of a hurting throat).**_

_**I am also slightly beginning to panic (again) because I'm kind of a bit stuck in my writing those days... I don't know... I feel so unsure of everything... Sometimes it really feels as if I'm a complete fake, playing the writer when all I write is a bunch of non-sense. This was probably induced by my total fail at completing a good story for a writing contest... It is really horrible. I swear that I don't know why you guys still bother with me.**_

_**But well... **_

_**I really should thank you all, for reading and following and favoriting and, of course, reviewing! I so love reading you all. Without that I'd probably just let this story die...**_

_**Anyway, forgive my little (not so little) depressed talk. It is probably just the expectation of my birthday that is getting to me, making me see my life bleak (except that maybe it is haha.)**_

_**I hope you'll enjoy this little Gwaine-chapter! Don't hesitate to leave me a little comment! I'll always answer :)!**_

**_Write to you soon!_**

* * *

**Chapter 8:**

Gwaine had been having a wonderful dream. Well, more of a reliving of a magic experience, when he felt himself being shaken awake.

The slight pain behind his eyeballs and taste of mead in his mouth told him that his drinking night with Merlin had not been a dream.

"Merlin, my friend, last night was so cool!" He commented even before opening his eyes, remembering the young man's tales.

He heard said friend mumble something that sounded annoyed before informing him that they had to go back to the castle. And his voice sounded urgent.

Gwaine opened his eyes and looked around himself. His gaze fell on an old man he remembered from the prior night.

"Oh... So that wasn't an illusion…"

The knight grinned. Merlin had really turned his dragon into a human being. That hadn't been an hallucination born from too much alcohol.

He pushed himself up and went to introduce himself, already planning on how he could make the dragon talk about what he knew of Merlin and the secrets the young man was still keeping. Even if the warlock would probably deny them all if asked.

He tried to find a way to stay in the clearing, finding any honestly stupid excuse but Merlin was so adamant in taking him back to the town that he just had to concede.

However, he was still planning to have a chat with that dragon.

* * *

The walk back to the castle was a slow and tense one. Gwaine was following Merlin who seemed somewhat unsteady on his feet, probably still hungover, but determined.

The warlock had his jaw set in a hard line and his slightly glassy eyed were unfocused as he was clearly thinking about something. Gwaine could only guess he was searching for a way to give the dragon his true form back. He didn't dare interrupt him to ask for a confirmation.

They finally arrived in the lower town some time later and Gwaine saw Merlin cringe at the loud noise coming from the busy streets.

"You know, maybe you should take some time to prepare yourself a batch of that hangover potion…" Gwaine suggested, eying the stiffness that suddenly took hold in Merlin's shoulders.

"I'm fine." The warlock gritted out and moved on, making his way with practiced ease through the sea of customers and servants in the market.

Gwaine frowned at Merlin's back but continued to follow him.

Entering the courtyard, the warlock turned towards him.

"Well, thank you for everything Gwaine, but I really have to go to my chamber so…"

"Can I help you with your research?"

"No, no, thanks. I'm quite sure I know where to look for so it will be quick." Merlin said, already turning towards the nearest entrance to the castle.

"Okay, see you then."

"See you."

Gwaine watched as Merlin disappeared into the castle, not knowing what to think.

He stayed for a moment in the courtyard, wondering just what exactly had happened before deciding that he would do better to go inform the king that he had found his wayward Court Advisor.

He made his way into the castle by the main door and quickly followed the path towards the Council chambers where he was almost sure to find Arthur.

The two guards in front of the door let him pass without any problems and he found himself under the cold scrutiny of the king's blue eyes.

He looked angry for reasons that Gwaine couldn't fathom.

"Good morning!" He greeted cheerfully. "I've come to tell you that I've found Merlin."

He announced proudly, already waiting for the king's praise. But the man looked distinctly unimpressed.

"What is it?" He finally asked.

"Twenty tankards of mead." Arthur enounced coldly, making the knight wince internally. "Care to explain when exactly I told you to get Merlin spectacularly drunk Gwaine?"

"Well… Never but I thought that the man needed to unwind a little bit and nothing better than a drinking night for that! Maybe I should take you on one…"

"Twenty tankards Gwaine!" The king interrupted, getting up. "And of course you were too drunk to remember to pay and then I had to explain to the bartender why one of my closest knight and Court Advisor had made a mess out of themselves!"

Gwaine closed his mouth, feeling that he should better let the furious blond rant for a bit to calm down.

"Just tell me that at least it wasn't all for nothing."

"Well…" Gwaine hesitated. _Was Merlin better?_ "Honestly, I don't know… I thought so for a bit but…"

The knight sighed, wondering if he should tell Arthur about what had happened with the dragon.

"What is it Gwaine?" Arthur questioned, sitting down once more, gesturing at the knight to do the same. The latter obeyed and stayed silent for a bit.

"While we were drunk, I got Merlin to talk about his dragonlord abilities and then, don't ask me how, next thing I know he's called Kilgharrah and turned him into a human. I thought it was a hallucination or something but when he woke me up this morning, the dragon was still there and still human. And to be honest I don't think Merlin knows what happened either…"

For a moment, Gwaine watched Arthur's shocked face.

"During our way back, he was weird… Silent and determined… It didn't feel right…"

Arthur sighed quietly, looking as worried as Gwaine felt.

"I'll go talk to him." The king decided.

Gwaine nodded as the other man got up once more.

"By the way, Gwaine." Arthur added when he was at the door. "Thank you for finding him and bringing him back."

"You're welcome."

"Doesn't mean you're forgiven. In fact, I scheduled you as instructor for the three hour open training session of the potential new recruits this morning." And with that, the king was gone.

Gwaine groaned. If there was one thing he hated, it was those training sessions where any young man who thought himself a knight would come and just proved how inept they were while still being too arrogant to admit their flaws.

He took a moment to despair on his own sad fate before deciding he'd better go and put his armor on as he was sure that if he was late Arthur would give him hell.

* * *

It took him half an hour and a glass of sweeten wine but Gwaine managed to arrive on time, dressed in his armor and almost without a headache at the training ground.

There, he was relieved to see that Percival would also assist him.

"Ah Percival, my friend, glad you're with me on this!"

The giant knight grunted softly but Gwaine knew it was just because the man wasn't talkative and probably not more enthused by the prospect of spending three hours in the sun with a bunch of wannabe knights.

But Percival being there meant that Gwaine would be able to watch the young men in front of them squirm, maybe even cower, in front of the other knight's obviously superior strength.

It was at least an hour after the session began that Percival opened a conversation.

"So, what did you do this time?" He asked, keeping his eyes on the sparring young men in front of them.

"Oh, you know, had a night out… Drank a bit… Left without paying the bill..."

"Nothing unusual." Percival completed.

"Yeah… But still too much for Queenie…" Gwaine sighed. "The real question is… Why are _you_ here?"

Percival let out a quiet bark of laughter, lifting an eyebrow in a mysterious way before crying out to a ginger young man who had just barely avoided gutting his partner.

"Oh god… Why do they even bother coming to these open sessions?" Percival sighed as he made his way in among the fighting men, gracefully avoiding the drunkard question.

Gwaine observed his friend scold the cowering wannabe with an amused smile before turning his gaze towards the forest.

There, he caught sight of two familiar figures riding towards the shadowed area.

"No way I'm letting you do this without me." He grumbled beneath his breath. "Hey Percival! Think you can handle this alone?" He asked more loudly.

Percival eyed him curiously but nodded.

"Great, I owe you one!"

And with that, the drunkard was off running towards the stables and his horse, determined to follow his king and Court Advisor.

* * *

**So, how was it?**

**Oh and I just noticed this story doesn't have a cover... Anyone interested in doing one for me?**


	10. Chapter 9

_**Hello everyone!**_

_**So, yes, I know I'm again late! I'm so reakky sorry! RL sooo goes in the way of me writing! RL &amp; Star Trek!**_

_**But if I can say one thing in my defence is that it was my birthday and then I had this very important work meeting and then I was celebrating my birthday with my friend and my family. But well.**_

**_I feel I don't thank you enough you reader, reviewer and other favoriter and follower! It is really amazing me and humbling me (and making me feel so guilty for not writing more) to see people favoriting/ following my stories! (and at the same time I just want to ask them whyyy? So please tell me in a review :) )_**

**_And an other person I don't than enough is my Beta. She is wonderful! Thanks!_**

**_Anyway, I hope you'll like this chapter!_**

**_Enjoy!_**

* * *

**Chapter 9:**

Entering the castle without turning back, Merlin knew he was being completely unfair to Gwaine. His friend had just wanted to help. And had succeeded in some strange way. But he just couldn't let himself think about what, or more precisely who, was waiting for him if he entered the physician's chambers to brew himself a potion.

He could deal with a headache just fine by himself. And he had other things to worry about than himself at the moment. Like the fact that he had just turned a dragon into a human without the faintest memory of how.

_This is why I shouldn't go to the tavern. Gaius always told me not to drink more than one or two tankards of mead._

He forced his thoughts away from his old mentor, knowing this wasn't the time. He just couldn't let himself be distracted. He promised Kilgharrah he would be back soon with a solution.

He walked as quickly as possible without running and arrived in front of his chambers in a matter of minutes.

Once inside, he went directly to his bookcase, knowing it was the only place where he would find the answers he sought..

He began scanning the titles of the numerous old volumes he owned, mainly due to Arthur. However, he once more quickly scolded himself for not having taken the time to organize them correctly.

He supposed he was just used to have the books in an unorganized fashion after living for so long with Gaius but right now having books of herbology, spells, magical creature and history all mixed up was just hindering his search for the correct one.

He repressed a growl of frustration.

"Where is that book?" He muttered to himself as he made his way through another shelf, the third. "Ha! There!"

He took the slim volume about dragonlord's magic that he had found in the hidden room of the library to his reading table and sat down, calling a cup of water to his hand, as he began thumbing through it.

He remembered reading this same book a few weeks earlier and finding it full of spells and explanations about the unique and mysterious link between a dragon and his dragonlord. He remembered finding it all fascinating and feeling a pang of longing at the fact that, now, he, Kilgharrah and Aithusa were the last ones to feel it.

He felt sad that such wonders had to disappear from the world.

He quickly passed through the chapters until he fell on the one he needed and began reading intently.

He jumped as the door opened unannounced, looking up sharply with a throb of his aching head.

"Arthur!" He exclaimed angrily. "Couldn't you have knocked?"

"You spent years not knocking at my door Merlin, and I am the King of Camelot so I don't see any reason why I should knock at yours."

Merlin scowled but turned his gaze back to his book.

"Well, whatever it is you're disturbing me about, it will have to wait Arthur, I have something urgent that needs taking care of." The warlock said, hoping it would be enough to make his friend leave.

Merlin had no such luck, of course, as the king took a chair and sat down in front of him. The former manservant felt his friend's gaze on his neck.

"I've just talked with Gwaine and he told me an interesting story." The king announced.

"Really?" Merlin asked, hoping to divert Arthur's attention. "I hope you didn't believe him. He ended up pretty drunk yesterday."

"From what I've been told he wasn't the only one…" The blonde suggested.

The warlock sighed. Obviously there was no deceiving Arthur today.

"Yeah. Well, I promise never to let myself be tempted by Gwaine again…"

"You really turned Kilgharrah human then?" The king interrupted, his gaze never leaving Merlin's face.

The warlock stayed silent for a long moment then nodded.

"And you really don't know how?"

"Oh I do. Must have remembered something I read in this book." He said, pointing to the opened volume. "And now I'm looking for the counter-spell."

"Had any luck finding it?" Arthur asked, looking genuinely interested.

"Almost. Before you interrupted me." Merlin said.

"Keep going then."

Merlin eyed the king, thinking he would leave. When Arthur just stared back at him with a raised eyebrow, he felt compelled to ask.

"Don't you have any… kingly duties to take care of?"

The king looked like he was thinking about his answer before smiling broadly.

"Nope."

Merlin sighed inwardly. He had not wanted to involve the king in this adventure. In fact, he would have very much liked to never have this adventure at all. But that was obviously too much to ask.

He forced himself to ignore Arthur's presence and kept on reading until he finally found what he was looking for.

"Right. I'll go back to Kilgharrah then." He announced, getting up.

Arthur followed his lead and headed towards the door, opening it and waited, eying Merlin who hadn't moved since standing.

"You're not coming with me Arthur." Merlin stated.

"Oh yes I am Merlin. And there is nothing you can do to stop me so you might as well just get a move on."

Merlin let his discontentment be known by straightening his back and walking past Arthur without a backward glance.

"Oh don't be like that." Arthur teased, sounding almost amused. "It's not like I've never seen you do magic! And, who knows, maybe you'll need someone to defend you against bandits."

Merlin lifted an eyebrow at him but didn't comment.

* * *

Another quick walk later and they were both at the stables, saddling their horses with practiced ease.

After that, they quickly mounted and made their ways towards the forest.

Merlin wasn't in the mood to talk so he just concentrated on leading his horse, trying to keep his mind on the spell he would have to perform and not on what would be waiting for him the moment this crisis was resolved.

With the horses, they quickly arrived at the clearing to find Kilgharrah seated on the ground, patiently waiting.

When he heard them, he turned and watched them dismount, not even pretending to look surprised at the presence of the king.

"King Arthur." He acknowledged, his deep voice resonating in the otherwise silent space. "Merlin. I trust you found the counter-spell."

"Yes, yes." Merlin said. "If you're ready…"

"Of course." The human dragon answered.

Merlin nodded, closed his eyes and concentrated. He let his magic rise inside him, filling him with a well known and appreciated warmth. Unconsciously, he relaxed, his shoulders losing the tight clench they had adopted since the day before.

After what felt like hours but was only seconds, he breathed the words of the spell and, when he reopened his eyes, it was to the usual sight of a dragon Kilgharrah.

Merlin smiled, happy to having succeeded in the previously unknown spell.

In front of him, the dragon spread his wings with a groan.

"Well, I will now take my leave. Goodbye, young warlock."

And with that, he took off, his great wings beating, creating strong gusts of air that sent dirt over both Merlin and Arthur.

The dragonlord watched his kin fly away until he was nothing more than a small point in the sky.

Merlin let himself sit down on the soft ground and Arthur joined him after a little while.

For a long time they stayed silent.

"So…" Merlin hesitated, not looking in his friend's direction but feeling the other man's gaze on him. "What did you do with Alice?" He finally asked, despite the fact that he just wanted to forget that she was back in Camelot.

Arthur let out a quiet sigh.

"For the moment, nothing. I have to admit that I don't know what to do. By all means, I should have her arrested and executed but…"

"But you can't." Merlin finished for him.

Merlin saw Arthur nod out of the corner of his eye.

"The laws have changed." Arthur said, seemingly lost in thoughts. "So now, she isn't guilty of having magic anymore but… I guess my father's judgment still stands…"

The king fell silent.

"You can't kill her." Merlin said slowly, ignoring Arthur's curious gaze. "She wasn't responsible for her actions then and… I think she's suffered enough."

The king nodded once more and Merlin sighed.

* * *

**So, how was it? Liked it?**

**Please, leave a little review ! **

**And I'm still open to anyone for a cover.**


	11. Chapter 10

_**Hello everyone !**_

_**So I know, I suppose this is super late and I'm truly very sorry about that! Real life got so in the way. Past weeks had been a bit hard on me. I'm struggling to understand the world anymore and find my place in it. **_

_**But good thing is : this is chapter 10 ! God how did that thing go that long already? I hope you're still liking it! **_

_**I want to thank you all for still reading this and reviewing and alerting and favoriting. You are all awesome!**_

_**Enjoy!**_

* * *

**Chapter 10:**

When the guard had handed him a tavern bill for a ridiculous amount, timidly explaining that Sir Gwaine and Merlin had forgotten to pay it, Arthur had been annoyed.

Well, almost furious in fact.

But then, a tiny part of his brain told him that maybe, just maybe, that had been what the warlock had needed. A night in the tavern to relax and forget his problems for a little while.

He just wished that it didn't have to cost _him_ so much. And that was without even beginning to consider the state he would find the two friends later. God knew that even if Gwaine could handle his liquor really well, Merlin really couldn't.

So when Gwaine came in with that cheerful look, he couldn't stop himself from scolding him. However, annoyance quickly gave way to worry at the knight's tale.

He knew the signs only too well. Merlin was trying to shut them up to shield them from his pain. Just like he had done six months ago.

Arthur was not going to let that happen again. And that's what made him decide to take matters in his own hands.

But not before punishing Gwaine for his poor judgment. It wouldn't do to let him think he could just go to the tavern without paying and let the crown sort it out.

Besides, open training really was the thing Gwaine hated the most in his duties. Arthur had to hide his smirk at the knight's crestfallen look.

The king made his way to Merlin's chambers, acknowledging the bows he received along the way with small nods of his own.

When he arrived in front of the wooden door, he opened it slowly, carefully, just in case Merlin had fallen asleep in the mean-time.

That wasn't the case. Merlin was leaning over a large, ancient book, an intense look of concentration on his face. Arthur had seen it often enough when the younger man was researching but this time it looked frantic.

The king sighed, closed the door again, still unnoticed, and made a point of making the most noise possible when opening it again.

He saw Merlin jump and look at him with a wince before complaining about his non-knocking manners.

It was so ironic that Arthur just had to smile, absolutely unimpressed with his friend's annoyance that showed with a scowl.

The warlock then tried to make the king leave but Arthur wasn't fooled by Merlin's hostile attitude. He had decided to help his friend, with or without his consent. And his word was final, he was king after all.

So he just settled down in one of the chair around the table.

"I've just talked with Gwaine and he told me an interesting story." He said, leaving it to Merlin to take the bait and talk.

Which, of course, Merlin, stubborn as he was, didn't take and just pretended there was nothing else to it than a drunkard tale.

Arthur quickly decided that a straight question was the only way he'd get a real answer.

"You really turned Kilgharrah human then?" He asked, eyes glued to Merlin's face as he observed the other man's reaction.

It was therefore easy to notice Merlin's shoulders tense and his gaze fall down.

"And you really don't know how?" He pushed gently.

He thought he saw Merlin sigh quietly before explaining that, in his drunken haze, he must have remembered a spell from the book in front of him but now he couldn't remember which one and he needed to find a way to reverse its effects. Fast.

Arthur felt his eyebrow rise. Even for someone to whom magic was so natural, it sounded peculiar to remember a spell that he couldn't then remember while sober.

"Had any luck finding it?"

"Almost. Before you interrupted me."

Well, if that wasn't Merlin trying to make him leave, he didn't know what was. Unfortunately, it wasn't going to work today, he just encouraged Merlin to continue his work with a raised eyebrow.

"Don't you have any… kingly duties to take care of?"

Arthur mimed thinking about it, knowing he indeed had reports to read but nothing important enough to leave Merlin to sulk alone. He smiled broadly.

Merlin looked like he wanted to protest further but finally deflated and proceeded to ignore Arthur.

It was almost childish.

After some time, the warlock seemed to find what he was looking for because he announced he was going back to Kilgharrah.

Arthur stood after him and went to open the door for him. Merlin didn't move.

"You're not coming with me." He said.

Arthur almost laughed at Merlin's obliviousness.

"Oh yes I am Merlin. And there is nothing you can do to stop me so you might as well just get a move on."

Merlin glowered at him, straightened his back and walked right past him. It reminded Arthur of the first time he had met the warlock. A young, courageous boy that dared to tell the prince that he was being an ass.

"Oh don't be like that. It's not like I've never seen you do magic! And, who knows, maybe you'll need someone to defend you against bandits."

Merlin turned back long enough to lift a dubious eyebrow at him before continuing his fast walk to the stables.

* * *

After that it was a silent ride that left Arthur with too much time to mull over his worry for Merlin and the fact that he still hadn't decided what he should do with Alice.

He kept an eye on his friend while they galloped through the forest. The man was obviously focused, his face blank and eyes unreadable. The king wanted to know what he was thinking but somehow didn't think the warlock would answer him.

In no time, they arrived in the familiar clearing and Arthur spotted an old man sitting on the ground, the perfect picture of calm even if the king could see a sliver of annoyance in the oddly gold eyes.

"King Arthur." The human-dragon saluted respectfully, surprising the king, before turning to his dragonlord. "Merlin. I trust you found the counter-spell."

The king thought furtively that he should be annoyed at being so easily dismissed but knew that the dragon was probably more than ready to be back in his true form.

"Yes, yes. If you're ready…"

"Of course."

No other words were exchanged between the two of them and Merlin closed his eyes. A few seconds later and his breaths deepened and slowed, his muscles relaxing. A minute later and he breathed words of the old religion that Arthur couldn't understand.

The clearing flashed white and Arthur was momentarily blinded, closing his eyes on instinct.

He reopened them to be faced with the normal sight of dragon Kilgharrah.

Arthur struggled not to let his awe at Merlin's power show. Even after all those months he still wasn't used to seeing his friend use that much magic.

He watched as the great dragon spread his wings with a groan before bidding them goodbye and flying away.

Arthur turned towards Merlin, watching the slight smile on his friend's face before he sat down on the slightly damp ground. The king hesitated for a moment before joining him, silently observing the warlock, trying to gauge his mood.

"So… What did you do with Alice?" Merlin finally asked after a long time.

Arthur sighed softly. He should have known this was coming. He decided to answer as truthfully as possible.

"For the moment, nothing. I have to admit that I don't know what to do. By all means, I should have her arrested and executed but…"

"But you can't." Merlin provided, always far too perceptive.

Arthur nodded.

"The laws have changed… So now, she isn't guilty of having magic anymore but… I guess my father's judgment still stands…"

The king reflected, thinking back to the first time he had met the old woman.

"You can't kill her." Merlin said after a beat and Arthur's eyed him curiously. "She wasn't responsible for her actions then and… I think she suffered enough."

Merlin sighed in time with the king's nod.

"You know it's not your fault."

The warlock didn't answer and they fell silent again.

"There's one thing I don't understand thought… Why did she come now? After all this time? I knew Gaius and her were still writing to each other but I didn't receive any letter…"

Arthur felt dread twist his insides. A small voice told him that he should have known that was coming too. And now the familiar guilt of having deceived his friend rose his ugly head again, snarling like a beast that yelled _told you so_.

It seemed that Merlin picked up on his suddenly frozen expression because he frowned and asked suspiciously.

"Arthur?"

The king took a deep breath.

"I guess I could shoulder the blame for that." He finally said, making Merlin's frown deepen. He sighed, preparing himself for the betrayal he knew he would soon see in his friend's eyes. "A few weeks ago I sent letters to the neighboring kingdoms, informing them that the royal physician's position was open. She must have gotten word of that and guessed something had happened…"

Arthur had lowered his eyes while speaking but that didn't mean he couldn't feel Merlin pull back from where he had been sitting close to him.

"You… You did what?" The warlock questioned, sounding shocked.

The blonde couldn't answer, his throat too constricted.

"Why… Why didn't you tell me first? Was my work not satisfying you? I know I sometimes neglected some of my duties as an advisor but I still think I could assume both duties…"

And here was the disappointment and self-doubt Arthur had feared and it hurt.

"Merlin…" He tried to say.

"I can't believe it."

"Merlin, please, listen to me…"

"No. I… I don't want to talk to you right now." The warlock said and pushed himself up, walked back to his horse and galloped back towards Camelot without another word.

Arthur sighed, rubbing his hands through his hair. He had definitely messed that up.

* * *

_**So how did you like it? Leave me a little review will you? You'd make my day!**_

_**Oh and, for those who were wondering, you may remember I took part in a writing contest in english and, well, I haven't been pre-selected. Again. Obviously. Guess I'm just good at writing fanfiction heh? Fine by me. Fanfiction is my live anyway ;)**_

**_Take care guys ! _**


	12. Chapter 11

**_Hello everyone !_**

**_Here is a new chapter of this story ! And I have to say that I like it pretty much this one :) It feels as if we're beginning to go somewhere. I hope you will think the same :)_**

**_I will also dedicate this chapter to a very dear friend of mine (not sure she'll read this but still) as it is her birthday today. She is my inspiration, my motivator, the one who keeps me writing and who I met throught our respective writing. _**

**_I would also like to thank my Beta (and my dear if you read this, please send me an e-mail to tell me if you're okay, I'm worried) and you all readers of the world !_**

**_Leave a little comment if you can :)_**

**_Enjoy !_**

* * *

**Chapter 11:**

Merlin once more galloped his way through the foliage, uncaring of the twigs and branches that flogged his face.

He couldn't believe that Arthur had gone behind his back like that.

While he appreciated the irony, given his past as a compulsive liar about his magic, he knew this was something else entirely.

Merlin had never lied to Arthur about his capabilities as a leader but here the king had been looking for another physician behind his back as if he thought Merlin wasn't skilled enough.

It hurt to think that maybe Arthur was right.

No matter how much he wished it, he knew he would never be as skilled as Gaius. He had spent far too much time ignoring his mentor's medical teaching in favour of running after Arthur to save him.

But still, he had thought what little he did have was sufficient.

And, despite the increased workload, he had to admit he liked being a physician. He liked feeling like he was truly helping people. Like what he did really mattered, contrary to his work as Court Advisor where he was being completely disregarded if not ignored more often than not.

Being physician was doing something that Gaius would have been proud of.

He arrived at the castle and went directly to the stables. He ignored Geoffrey, the stable hand, and took his time to care for his mare himself. He had always loving after her. He unsaddled her, brushed her brown coat and finally rewarded her with an apple he discreetly conjured before leaving.

Using one of the servant's entrances, he went into the castle and made his way to his chambers. There, he closed the door and magically locked it, unwilling to be disturbed.

He knew he was being childish and that at some time, most probably sooner rather than later, he would have to go out but, for the moment, he was quite happy to be alone.

Except it left him with far too much silence to be filled with his brain going over every time he had misdiagnosed or mistreated a patient, second-guessing his every move.

He shook himself and forced his thoughts away from that rapidly darkening path. He spotted the mess of discarded books he had left earlier and decided that it was high time to get started on cleaning and organizing.

He could have done it with a flick of his wrist and a flash of his eyes but quickly decided against it and sat himself on the cold floor instead. He called the books to him with a bit of magic and began sorting them, dividing them in different piles around him.

And when Gwaine came knocking at his door, he simply ignored it, feeling guilty but unwilling to talk to anyone for the time being.

* * *

Three hours later and he was interrupted from the tidying of his numerous magical artefacts by a knock at the door.

"Sir, I came to remind you that there is a council meeting about to begin." The voice of the servant Arthur had chosen for him informed from the other side of the door. "Will you need my help for anything?"

"No, it's okay Jonathan. I'll be there shortly."

"Fine, sir." Merlin saw in his mind's eye the servant bowing to the door and winced.

If there was one thing he would never get used to it was that. Having servants respecting him and treating him like nobility. His new position as Advisor didn't change the fact that, in his heart, he was still just a servant and always would be.

He looked at his reflection in the mirror of the corner of the room and sighed again. He couldn't turn up at the meeting wearing dust-covered clothes. He quickly changed into a more suitable outfit, vaguely tried to comb his unruly hair and left.

For once, he didn't arrive last and took his seat to Arthur's right without a glance at the monarch.

He knew he was unfair but lacked the will to stop.

Arthur looked like he wanted to say something but stopped himself, knowing that this discussion couldn't take place in the middle of the court room.

Merlin watched the king turn towards the councillors and open the meeting.

* * *

For the next hour, Merlin found his attention wandering as noble after noble spoke, presenting this issue or that.

He felt Arthur's eyes on him more often than not but he dutifully ignored it.

It was only when the king pushed himself up to ask if everything had been discussed that Merlin knew what he had to do.

"I think you're forgotten a subject my Lord." He said in his most polite and respectful tone.

Immediately everyone in the room turned towards him, some curious, some clearly annoyed at the fact that he dared open his mouth when usually he rarely talked. Merlin forced himself not to splutter excuses or redden dramatically.

"Yes Merlin?" Arthur asked, obviously caught unaware.

"What about the new Court Physician? I heard we have a legitimate candidate within our own walls." Merlin said, forcing his tone to remain completely calm as he fixed his eyes on the king.

He saw Arthur fight to keep his composure.

"A new Physician?" Lord Geoffrey asked.

"Yes. A woman called Alice." Merlin answered naturally. "She is an old friend of Gaius and I know her. She has a perfect knowledge of her science and would be more than capable of assuming the role."

"I wasn't aware we were looking for one…" The old man said and the warlock saw in his eyes that he knew precisely of whom Merlin was talking about.

The warlock heard the whispered comments about his ineptitude at the job and had to clench his fists very hard to stop himself reacting and fleeing the room.

In the end, he was saved from answering by Arthur who still looked a bit unsettled.

"It came to my attention that it isn't right for a Royal Advisor, such as Merlin, to also assume the heavy and time-consuming duties that are required of a Court Physician. I had therefore sent letters to our allies to recruit a new one. And I want to make it clear that this has nothing to do with Merlin's exemplary work. He is still more than qualified enough to assume the position should you all decide that Alice isn't a suitable replacement."

"Can we meet her then?" Lord Olfric questioned.

"Of course. But I'm afraid it will have to wait until tomorrow as it is already quite late." Arthur answered diplomatically.

The nobles around the table nodded, some not even bothering to hide their relief at being authorized to leave the room.

"Fine. Then we'll reconvene tomorrow at the same time. Dismissed."

At Arthur's word, every noble in the room got up. Merlin didn't waste a second in leaving his seat and the Council Chamber, carefully ignoring the looks sent his way.

In no time, he was back in his chambers and let himself fall on his bed like an overgrown child.

He had no idea what possessed him to bring that out in court. Yet, he supposed it was the only way. Clearly, Arthur wouldn't have been able to make any real objective choice and now he wouldn't have to.

The warlock knew it was a risky situation for Alice, but he also knew that, should the need arise, he would help her escape once more. And find her a good place to live. He owed her that much in the very least.

But he also knew that if she was accepted then this position was the best she could possibly have. It should have been her place years ago. Alongside with Gaius.

He sighed and buried his face in his pillow, inhaling deeply and suddenly missing the scent of herbs that had always been present in his old room.

A knock came only a few minutes later. Merlin was very tempted not to answer. He really didn't want to talk to Arthur right now.

"Merlin? It's Gwen. Can I come in please?"

In truth, she could have entered without asking. She was the queen. Merlin appreciated that she didn't.

"Of course Gwen. Come in." He said, pushing himself into a sitting position, once more trying to rub his hair into a less disarrayed form.

She opened the door slowly and entered, carrying a tray overloaded with food.

Merlin suddenly became aware that it had been a long time since his last meal.

"I thought we might dine together." She explained unnecessarily. "Just you and me for once."

The warlock let out a small smile. It was true that, even if most nights he was in the habit of dining with the king and queen, it was becoming rarer and rarer that Gwen and him had time together. Alone. Like back when they were both servants.

"I'd like that very much." He answered truthfully.

Gwen beamed at him and soon they were sat at the warlock's table.

"You've done some organizing, haven't you?" She noticed.

Merlin felt himself flush.

"Hum… Yes… It was time I think… You like it?"

Gwen let out a small laugh.

"It isn't like you." She commented, seemingly off-hand but Merlin caught the worry beneath the airy tone.

"Yeah…" Merlin agreed.

Gwen seemed to catch on to his serious mood because she caught the hand that had been absently playing with his loaf of bread.

"What is it Merlin? Something is bothering you… You know you can talk to me, right? Always."

Merlin sighed. He knew that. He just was unwilling to burden Gwen with his problems. She already had enough on her plate.

When he said nothing, Gwen carried on, clenching his hand.

"Is this about Alice?"

"Yes… And no…" Merlin hesitated.

"Then what is it?" Gwen prodded gently.

Merlin sighed and stood up, pacing for a moment before answering.

"It's nothing. I know it's stupid but… It feels like Arthur and everyone thinks I've been doing a bad job as physician… And he didn't even tell me! He just went behind my back and looked for a replacement. I know I can't be one to judge with all the lying I have done but still… I thought we were past that…"

Merlin sighed again and was stopped with Gwen in front of him. She didn't say anything but drew him in a tight hug, squeezing him until it almost felt as if he couldn't breathe anymore.

"Oh Merlin!" She said against his neck. "You don't understand. It's not that at all. In fact, it wasn't even Arthur's idea, it was mine."

* * *

_**So, did you like it? How was this little twist?**_


	13. Chapter 12

_**Good evening everyone ! (or Good morning I suppose :p)**_

_**So, here is the next chapter, and relatively on time! I have to say that this chapter wasn't the one I initially planned to post but my wonderful Beta told me to swap with what will be chapter 13 and I think she was right :). **_

_**I hope you will like the chapter and that you are still bearing with me. I swear we are approaching a turning point, I can feel it :). And now that there will be a new Doctor Who soundtrack I have good hope I will write faster thanks to it. (Never under-estimate the power of music) But there will also be this new Muse album that probably will fry my mind... Hum... Okay, sorry, rambling.**_

**_Just to conclude, thank you to anyone following this story (or discovering it) and especially if you are favoriting and reviewing 3 and also big thanks to my Beta :)_**

**_Enjoy ! (and leave a little comment to brighten my rainy day?)_**

* * *

**Chapter 12:**

Saddling his horse took Gwaine far longer than he thought it would. Admittedly he could only blame himself for that. He had been slightly drunk last time he came back from patrol and so had left his saddle at the first place he could, meaning the stable hands had moved it to another place which led to him spending many precious minutes looking for it. But when he did eventually find it, he hadn't wasted another minute before he had the saddle and himself on his horse.

He took the same path he had seen Merlin and Arthur use and then followed the tracks of their horses even if he had a good idea where they were going. With all his previous lost time, they had already gained a sizable advance over him but he wasn't discouraged and kept a steady pace on his mount despite the dense foliage.

He had to admit he couldn't help but feel the tiny thread of worry for Merlin. He knew that the warlock would probably get annoyed with him but that was the way it was. Gwaine only ever had his toad of an older sister and had never wished for other siblings but somewhere along the way, he had begun to see Merlin as a younger brother. Not that he would ever admit that out loud. But it still meant that he felt a great deal of protectiveness for the younger man.

He was pulled out of his musing by the sound of hooves. He pulled his own horse to a stop and put a cautious hand on his sword, muscles tensed. He waited with bated breath, scanning the forest around him and after a few seconds spotted a horse galloping a few paces left of him towards Camelot. He let out a small sigh when he recognized Merlin. He was about to cry out to him when he noticed the redness of his eyes and the unnatural shine of his cheeks.

Gwaine was shocked. He had believed that Merlin had been better, if not also very hung-over after their night out. He debated following him but then remembered that he had been with Arthur and that the warlock's distress may have been caused by something attacking the king.

Gwaine cursed inwardly but kept following the path he was on, cautious of his surroundings, just in case bandits or renegades were hiding in the trees.

A few minutes later, he arrived in the clearing he had woken up that morning only to find it empty with no trace of any battle. Gwaine frowned.

He turned his horse back towards Camelot and kicked its flanks, determined to talk to Merlin and get to the bottom of what had happened.

* * *

When he arrived back at the stables he saw that both Merlin and Arthur's horses were there. Just to be sure he went to them and patted them, making sure they were unharmed.

Reassured that they were okay, Gwaine made his way back to the castle, feeling even more confused. He climbed the stairs and followed corridors until he arrived in front of Merlin's bedroom. He knocked and waited for a few seconds. When he heard no answer, he tried to open the door only to find it locked.

"Merlin?" He cried out as he knocked again, more loudly. "Merlin? It's Gwaine, you there?"

Once more he was faced with only silence.

"Come on Merlin! Open the door!" He tried again the handle, just to be sure, but nothing had changed.

Gwaine let out a frustrated growl. _Fine, if you don't want to talk to me, I'll go to the king_, he told himself.

And with that he turned to the Royal chambers with a determined stride and thunderous eyes that made servant hastily jump out of his way.

Any other day and that would have bothered him but right then he just wanted to know what the hell had happened. This time, he didn't even bother to knock and simply opened the door making the king jump in front of Gwen, defensive pose already taken despite the lack of sword at his belt.

"Gwaine!" He exclaimed, relaxing." What…"

"What have you done to Merlin?" He interrupted, feeling anger rise in his chest as he saw the guilty look enter the blonde's eyes.

Anger replaced guilt in the king's eyes as Gwen went up and put a hand on Arthur's arm, looking stricken.

"I followed you in the forest and arrived just in time to see him fleeing in tears! And when I tried to talk to him he didn't even open his door!" Gwaine carried out, not even caring that it probably wasn't anywhere near correct to speak to his king like that.

It seemed that Arthur was sharing his feeling as he growled his answer.

"I don't have to answer to you Gwaine."

_Oh, and there was the prat that annoys Merlin so much_, Gwaine thought as he opened his mouth.

Gwen took a step between them.

"Boys!" She cried out with all the authority of a queen, or a mother with two misbehaving children. "I know you both care about Merlin but arguing will get you nowhere."

Gwaine stared at her feeling strangely berated. _God, she's going to be one hell of a mother_, the knight's mind provided.

"I think that what Merlin needs right now is peace and quiet which we will let him have and, after that, I will go and talk to him. Try and explain things to him." She continued, ignoring Gwaine's and Arthur's angry looks.

It was obvious to Gwaine that she was also feeling guilty. He deflated.

"Right. But I'd still like an explanation of what happened." He said.

Arthur let out a sigh and went back to sit at the table gesturing for Gwaine to do the same.

"Long story short, Merlin discovered that we had sent out letters to find a replacement for Gaius and that was probably why Alice is here now." Arthur explained tiredly.

"You did what?" The knight cried out.

"Please, Gwaine, not you too."

"But… Why?"

"Surely you must have seen how overworked he is. I… I thought it was a good idea to get him some help for that." Gwen explained, her voice low and sad. "I see now that he should have told him from the start."

Gwaine could see the logic behind her actions. Of course, he had seen how tirelessly his friend was working and, of course, he would have done anything to help him, but the physician work was important to Merlin. He could only imagine what could have gone through the warlock's head when he learned that the king and queen had been looking for a replacement.

The knight sighed, wishing for the umpteenth time that the younger man didn't have to face all that.

* * *

When Gwaine left the royal chambers some half an hour later he decided he needed a drink. However, he wasn't up to the hustle and bustle of the Tavern so he just headed towards the kitchen to smuggle some mead from there.

A few charming smiles and he came out of the overheated room with two flagons of the best mead available and made his way to his room.

Once there, he lit a fire in his small fireplace and finally removed his armor. He rolled his shoulders and sat at his small table with a weary sigh.

He fetched a tankard and poured himself a good ration of the mead, drinking two long mouthfuls before setting it down and rubbing his eyes.

His mind went back to all that had happened. He so wished he could do more than just be an observer and pray that, ultimately, Merlin will be alright.

He was interrupted in his thoughts by a knock at his door.

"Come in." He called out, finishing his tankard.

The door opened to reveal Percival.

"Percival, my friend, is everything alright?"

"I'm not sure." The bigger man answered, closing the door and coming to sit at the other side of the table.

Gwaine automatically fetched another tankard and poured some more mead. He then waited for the other man to speak, knowing not to push.

"I happened to walk past the Council Room as the council was ending and I heard some nobles talking… It seems that Merlin had proposed a new Physician." Percival continued minutes later, the hard edge in his voice a clear sign to Gwaine that the way the comments were made was anything but respectful to the warlock.

The long-haired knight felt his familiar annoyance at those old-fashioned nobles spark.

"They said it was Gaius' friend."

Gwaine heard the hidden worry in his companion's tone and understood why he had come here. He sometimes forgot that he and the royal couple were not the only ones to care for the youngest of their motley group. He wasn't the only one to think of Merlin as a little brother. And he knew this was even truer with Percival, the one who had lost all his family, only to find a new one in his friends.

"His fiancée, in fact." Gwaine acknowledged, rubbing his neck before pouring himself a second tankard of mead, thus finishing the first bottle.

He saw in Percival's eyes that he understood what it meant.

"Merlin had to tell her how he died." He carried on anyway.

He thought he heard the bigger knight curse under his breath but he couldn't be sure.

"So that's why you looked so worried." He said out loud a bit later.

Gwaine nodded.

"Yeah… It feels like all we managed to accomplish together had been broken again." He commented sadly.

A broody silence fell for a long time as both knights nursed their drink, slowing going through the second flagon of mead.

"I'm sure we'll find a way to make him alright again." Percival finally announced his tone far more confident than what Gwaine felt.

"I hope you're right my friend, I hope you're right."

* * *

_**So, how did you like Gwaine? I really love writing him :)**_

_**Until next time !**_


	14. Chapter 13

_**Hello everyone !**_

_**I thought I would publish this chapter last week but well... Real life really got in the way as I was busy cooking and going out to see Aengers (don't get me started on that). But here it is.**_

_**IMPORTANTLY I have to say that for this chapter there is a jump backwards in time. I hope you won't be too confused by it and that you will still like the chapter. Oh, and it is also the longer chapter I've written (and it has given me absolute hell)!**_

_**I can't wait to know what you think of the chapter :)**_

_**As ever, thanks to my lovely Beta and you all for reading :)**_

_**Enjoy !**_

* * *

**Chapter 13:**

When Gwen had told Arthur to go look for Merlin, she hadn't the slightest idea of what was happening. She just thought that their friend was, once more, too busy to remember their meeting. It had, after all, happened several times since he had been appointed Court Advisor with enough free time to practice, in secret, his magic.

However, when she saw her husband come back with his brow knitted in worry, she immediately understood something was very wrong and dread filled her.

Questions immediately burned at her lips but she knew that there was a time and a place to ask them and it wasn't now or here, not in front of so many people.

She forced a neutral expression onto her face and resigned herself to wait until the meeting with Gunthred was over.

Said meeting seemed to last forever but, when it finally finished, Gwen lost no time in steering her husband to their chambers.

"What happened?" She asked without preamble.

Arthur sat down at their table with a heavy sigh that did nothing to calm the queen's frayed nerves.

"Do you remember the letters we sent for the position of Court Physician?" He asked, instead of answering her question.

Gwen nodded, willing him to hurry up.

"Well, one of them attracted the attention of a very specific person… Alice, Gaius' ex-fiancée."

The queen gaped at him. She remembered the old woman that had seemed so kind and loving but had ultimately tried to kill the then king.

'She came here and Merlin had to tell her that Gaius died." Arthur carried on. "She… Didn't take the news very well, obviously and accused him of being responsible for it…"

"But that's not true!" Gwen interrupted angrily, her protective instincts rising quickly.

"I know that." Arthur tried to pacify. "But she doesn't see things that way and, frankly, I'm still not quite sure Merlin does either."

Gwen sighed sadly, wearily taking the seat next to Arthur.

She may not have been the one who had spent the most time with Merlin after the physician's death but she knew perfectly well how harsh a blow this had been to her friend and how deeply he had been affected by grief and guilt.

It had taken months before things had begun looking even remotely like they used to be. Not that she was stupid enough to believe that things could ever go back to what they were.

But now, with this, it seemed like it had all been for nothing.

"Where is he now?" She asked.

"I don't know. I've sent Gwaine to look for him. If anyone can find Merlin and talk some sense into him, it's him."

Gwen agreed but this knowledge didn't help much with the pit of worry that had lodged itself in her chest.

"And what about Alice?"

The question looked like one that had also bothered the King judging by his expression.

"For the moment, she's under house arrest until I decide what I should do with her…"

Gwen understood the dilemma he faced and wished with all her heart she could help him choose. But, unfortunately, this was a decision he needed to make alone.

She reached out and took his hand, squeezing it tightly.

"I'm sure you'll do the right thing, Arthur." She told him softly, making sure that she sounded convincing.

It didn't look like she had succeeded very much but he still drew her into his arms, hugging her tightly.

They spent the rest of the day in a subdued, anxious atmosphere, waiting for news from Gwaine while trying, and failing, to do some work.

They stayed up late, but finally had to concede nothing more would happen that day and, therefore, went to bed.

Neither of them slept well but Gwen was grateful to just have the occasion to lie in her husband warm embrace.

* * *

The following morning, Arthur left early for the council chambers and Gwen, after long deliberation, decided that she would go and talk to Alice.

At the very least, she should try to explain the exact circumstances of Gaius' death and the shockwaves the event has created.

Once dressed up, she dismissed her maid before going to the Physician's Chambers.

She had spent the whole night trying to come up with what she would say and how. She knew she would need all the tact she had learned since becoming Queen of Camelot.

When she arrived in front of the old wooden door, she nodded to the two guards standing there before entering with a deep breath, feeling just as nervous and awkward as when she was a serving girl interfering with royal matters she had no right to.

Inside the familiar room, she immediately spotted the old woman sitting at the table, thumbing through a book with tearful eyes.

Despite the fact that she had deeply hurt Merlin, Gwen couldn't help but feel her heart squeeze for her obvious grief.

For a moment, she imagined herself at Alice's place. What would she do if Arthur was snatched from her like that without her even knowing? She repressed a shudder. She couldn't imagine her life without him anymore.

She forced the thought away. This was not about her. This was about making Alice understand that she had misjudged Merlin.

She cleared her throat, trying to look far more confident that she felt at the moment.

The woman in front of her looked up sharply at the noise, eying her from head to toe with a slight frown.

"Good morning. My name is Guinevere. I'm the Queen of Camelot." She introduced herself, feeling a twinge of ever-present disbelief at her new position.

Nevertheless, Alice must have heard of her one way or another, because her eyes widened and she scrambled up for a little bow.

"Gaius wrote about you in some of his letters." The older woman explained. "However, he told me you were a maidservant…"

"I was." Gwen acquiesced, sitting herself down at the table to look less threatening.

"Have you come to pass judgment instead of your husband then?" Alice asked, voice bland. She was obviously one of those people who had no trust in Arthur.

"No. I've come to you for a totally other subject."

A curious eyebrow rose, encouraging Gwen to carry on.

"It has come to my attention that you've talked to Merlin yesterday.' Gwen began, watching as Alice's face closed off with a dark, hard look. "No, listen to me. I think you don't fully understand what happened…"

"Really? Because from his story it seemed quite clear that he was the one to let Gaius rot in a cell until he died."

Gwen had to fight not to flinch at the thunderous tone and the harsh side of this reality.

"I don't deny that he didn't free Gaius before it was too late. However, I suppose he didn't tell you that during that time he was busy saving thousands of other innocent lives by fighting Morgana. He sacrificed so much in doing so…" Gwen hesitated, she saw she hadn't yet convinced Alice but she was reluctant to share details of Merlin's feelings with her.

"Listen… I know it's hard to hear but Gaius chose to stay in Camelot to aid Arthur's and Merlin's escape. It was his gift to the man he considered a son: to allow him to go free while he stayed behind. And I know that Merlin would have done everything in his power to change that. I saw how conflicted he was about it and I saw how much he suffered, how broken he became by guilt and pain…"

Gwen breathed deeply to try and control the rising tears in her eyes. She didn't like to think back about the whole thing but she wanted to make the woman in front of her understand that Merlin was a great person and didn't deserve her ire.

When Alice didn't react, the queen carried on.

"I can't say I know how you feel. I can only imagine it. And I know that forgiveness is hard. But what I'm asking you is to think about what I say. To try and see things differently. Because all I know is that Gaius loved Merlin like a son and that if you truly loved Gaius you should, at least, respect his opinion and know he couldn't have been so wrong in his judgment."

And with that, the queen pushed himself up and crossed the room, knowing that there was nothing else she could do to convince the old woman to trust Merlin.

However, when she arrived at the door, she stopped.

"And for what it's worth, I am sorry about how you were treated during the purge but it's a new time now. Under Merlin's guidance, Arthur has become a far better man than his father. He is a fair and just king. I'm sorry you couldn't witness that first-hand with Gaius."

And only then did she leave, nodding to the guards again before heading outside, needing fresh air. When she arrived on the battlement she could only watch as her husband and best friend rode away into the forest.

She frowned but resigned herself to, once more, waiting for answers.

* * *

She was sitting at Arthur's desk in their chambers, preparing for the council meeting, when her husband finally showed up.

His defeated face and the way he slumped in the chair near the fire did nothing to ease the worry that had been ever present since Merlin disappeared.

"Arthur?" She asked softly, getting up to kneel next to him, uncaring of the dust that would undoubtedly get on her dress. "What is it? Did Gwaine not find Merlin?"

The blond let out a tired sigh.

"He did. Took Merlin out in the tavern. They ended up drunk enough that Merlin turned Kilgharrah human."

Gwen gaped at him. She did not expect that.

"How did he do that?"

"I don't know. And he doesn't either I think…" Arthur answered, his tone subdued.

It obviously wasn't what was really bothering him.

"Did he manage to give Kilgharrah his right form back?"

Arthur hummed as he nodded.

"Then what is the matter?"

Her husband took a very long time to answer, his eyes lost in the low flames of the fire.

"We messed up Gwen." He finally said, the use of her nickname shocking her.

"What… What do you mean?"

"I told him we sent letters to find a new Physician. He… He didn't take it well… God, he looked so betrayed…"

Gwen felt tears pickle at her eyes and she let her head fall in Arthur's lap, squeezing his knees. There really was nothing she could say. They had never expected Merlin to like the idea of trying to find someone to replace Gaius. She had just hoped to be able to explain everything to him.

Their broody mood was interrupted in by the door opening.

Arthur immediately jumped up, reaching for an absent sword at his waist, and placing himself in front of Gwen ready himself for an attack.

Only to immediately relax.

"Gwaine! What..."

"What have you done to Merlin?" The knight interrupted angrily.

Gwen stood up, putting a hand on her husband arm, sensing that the situation could rapidly evolve into a violent one.

"I followed you into the forest and arrived just in time to see him fleeing in tears! And when I tried to talk to him he didn't even open his door!" Gwaine carried on, obviously uncaring of Arthur's thundering glare.

"I don't have to answer to you Gwaine." The king all but growled.

Gwaine opened his mouth to retort but Gwen put herself in the middle of the two.

"Boys! I know you both care about Merlin but arguing will get you nowhere."

Both men stared at her.

"I think that what Merlin needs right now is peace and quiet which we will let him have and, after that, I will go and talk to him. Try and explain things to him." She carried on, keeping her calm between the two still angry looking knights.

* * *

Gwen had to admit, she didn't expected to see Merlin in the Council Room later that day. But he surprised her by arriving there, on time. He quite obviously ignored the king but that was to be expected.

She discreetly observed him the whole time and saw that he wasn't paying attention, obviously lost in his thoughts. Until, of course, he opened his mouth to bring forth the topic she hadn't thought he would willingly talk about. That shocked her more than she cared to admit. Part of her wanted to stop him and tell him that this wasn't the place to do this. But she also understood why he was doing it.

He was saving Arthur the trouble of making a decision he would come to regret. Even mad against him, Merlin was still trying to protect his king and friend. And that despite the fact that it brought harm to him.

It was clear that he heard the murmured comments about his ineptitude by the slight blush that overcame him. Gwen had to force herself not to intervene. She knew she couldn't allow herself to defend him. It would only serve to gift those councilmen who thought she was an inadequate queen. And she didn't want to add that kind of worry to Arthur.

So she resigned herself to wait and watch as Merlin all but fled the room as soon as possible, making Arthur deflate with a defeated sigh.

"Don't worry." She whispered to him as the last advisors picked up their parchments. "I'll talk to him."

Before that, however, she went to the kitchen and ordered a plate of food for two, making sure to take Merlin's favorites. At the astonishment of the cook and kitchen maids, she took it herself and went off, easily maneuvering through the crowds of servants, the familiar work soothing her nerves.

Keeping to the lesser used corridors, she quickly arrived in front of Merlin's door and knocked. She was afraid he would turn her down like he did Gwaine but he finally invited her in.

They sat themselves at the warlock's table and Gwen couldn't help but notice that he had obviously been busy reorganizing his things. It worried her. Merlin was just not the type of person who could keep everything in its right place.

"It isn't like you." She told him.

"Yeah…" He answered vaguely, playing with the bread in front of him.

She sighed inwardly and took his hand.

"What is it Merlin? Something is bothering you… You know you can talk to me, right? Always." She could see that he didn't want to burden her so she squeezed his hand tightly. "Is this about Alice?"

"Yes… And no…" He answered, not looking at her.

"Then what is it?"

"It's nothing." He answered, now pacing. "I know it's stupid but… It feels like Arthur and everyone thinks I've been doing a bad job as physician… And he didn't even tell me! He just went behind my back and looked for a replacement. I know I can't be one to judge with all the lying I have done but still… I thought we were past that…"

Gwen almost felt her heart break. She hadn't wanted that. She never thought that he would think that they thought he wasn't capable enough. She blinked tears away and hugged him.

"Oh Merlin!" She said against his neck, feeling suffocated by guilt. "You don't understand. It's not that at all. In fact, it wasn't even Arthur's idea, it was mine."

She felt Merlin freeze in her embrace ad she let him go.

"But… But I don't understand…" He said.

"Merlin." She interrupted quickly, keeping her hands on his shoulders and griping him as if it could make him believe her. "I never, for one second, thought you weren't competent as a physician but I can see how exhausted you are. You work too much, don't think you can hide it from me. I know how much you do and I worry constantly about you and your health. I just wanted you to have some respite. For you to be able to work on your magic, to enjoy your freedom for once!"

For a long moment, Merlin just stared at her and then, his eyes filled with tears. Gwen hugged him again, squeezing his thin frame even more strongly.

"I thought I was doing good Gwen. Isn't that what Gaius would have wanted? He always tried to teach me medicine and science. I… I feel like I have to do it. That, with that, I can make him proud."

If she thought her heart had been broken before, it was nothing compared to the pain she felt at that moment.

"Oh, Merlin… I'm sure he is already proud of you! He always has been, no matter what you do!" She said, rubbing his back soothingly. "I'm sorry I made you feel as if you weren't good enough. You are perfect Merlin!"

* * *

_**So, what do you think? Loved it? Hated it? Leave a little review if you please, it'll make my day. :)**_


	15. Chapter 14

_**Hello dear readers ! **_

_**Well, I suppose this is, once more, quite late. Is watching tennis a good excuse? Because that was what I had been up too.**_

_**So, I hope you will like this chapter! I don't have much to say except to thank you all for all for reading and favoriting and reviewing and supporting me. **_

_**Do not hesitate to drop me a little message ;) You'll make my day :)**_

_**Enjoy !**_

* * *

**Chapter 14:**

Alice watched, motionless and silent as the wooden door closed after the queen left. To say she was surprised and confused would be an understatement. In fact, she didn't know want to think.

She had spent most of the previous night just aimlessly wandering the small room, picking up trinkets and books that obviously belonged to her beloved. It felt as if he just left to care for a patient and would return in a minute.

She had spent most of the time half expecting him to walk through the door, a slight smile on his face. _He couldn't be dead._

She looked back down on the book still in her lap. She remembered so well the day she had given it to him. They had been so happy at the time, looking forward to a bright future under the guidance of a king and a queen that were kind and thoughtful. _If only it could have stayed that way. What have we all done to deserve this much suffering?_

She thought back to what the new queen of Camelot had told her. She didn't want to but the words had hit a spot in her. "_If you truly loved Gaius you should, at least, respect his opinion and know he couldn't have been so wrong in his judgment._"

Her brain knew that this was true but her heart didn't want to accept that. It was easier for her to simply blame Merlin and pile everything on him.

She sighed as she rubbed her tired eyes. As much as she didn't want to, she knew Gaius and she knew of his sacrificial self. She knew that he wouldn't hesitate to sacrifice himself for someone he loved. He had done it for her when he decided to stay in Camelot to cover for her. And if the queen was to be believed he had loved Merlin like his own son.

_Why do you have to be so damn stubborn?_

For a long time, she let herself become lost in memories and thought so jumped when the door opened and a maid entered.

"I brought your lunch." She announced as she put a tray in front of Alice before leaving.

Alice was surprised, she hadn't been expected such good treatment. She was, after all, a convicted and wanted sorcerer. She had tried to kill the king. And would have succeeded, had Gaius and Merlin not stopped her.

She tucked into the food without appetite.

* * *

The next morning she was woken from a fitful sleep by another servant bring her breakfast and she slowly pushed herself up from the hard cot.

She had spent the majority of the last day in a haze before exhaustion had forced her to lie down late in the night but even after sleep she still fell drained and numb.

She managed to thank the servant before he left and got up to open the shutters. She spent a little while simply enjoying the view. She hadn't done it yesterday but today, in the morning light, she found herself fascinated by the view of the castle and lower town. Exactly as she had been back when living there.

The smell of food hit her nostrils and she reluctantly turned away from the view to go back to the table. She wished that the king would pass his sentence soon. She was tired of the waiting.

Her wish seemed to be granted a little later when a knock resounded in the room before the blond young man entered.

She got up and bowed slightly to him, knowing she had to be respectful even if she didn't feel any loyalty to him.

"Please, sit down." He instructed her.

She obeyed and watched curiously as he did the same in front of her. He looked tired with dark shadows under his eyes and lines around them.

For a long moment, he said nothing as he observed her. And then he sighed.

"I have to admit that I don't know what to do with you." He said, surprising Alice with his honesty. "The law dictates I should execute you yet… I don't think you deserve it."

She answered with silence, waiting for him to banish her again.

"Merlin thinks that you would be a good replacement for Gaius." He announced after a little while.

Alice had to fight to not let her jaw drop.

"Wh-What?"

"Merlin says that I should give you the job of Court Physician. Don't ask me why, though. God knows what goes on in his silly head." The king said, sounding annoyed with his friend.

"I… I don't understand." The woman said, feeling flabbergasted with shock and incomprehension.

How could the man at whom she had yelled such horrible things a day prior recommend her for one of the most crucial post in the royal household? It made absolutely no sense to her. He should have been the first one to ask for her execution.

"Me either." The king sighed again. "But… I am willing to trust him. He's usually a good judge of character and I've spent enough time doubting him and regretting it later… He brought the matter to the council yesterday and they wish to talk to you before authorizing it however."

Silence fell while Alice tried to make sense of what the king was telling her.

"I don't know what to say." She finally breathed after a long time.

"For the moment you don't have to say anything. Just think about it. If you don't want the job you will be free to go wherever you want. There is no obligation." Arthur explained. "The council session will be this afternoon. I'll send a guard for you if you wish to go there."

And with that, he pushed himself up and went to the door. However, he stopped in front of it and turned back.

"You know, for a long time I was sure that magic was evil and corrupted even the kindest souls. I lived in my father's beliefs and was afraid of it. Merlin, despite his flaws and his lies, showed me the truth. He suffered more than anyone should, living in the shadows with the constant threat of death and the weight of destiny on his shoulders, and yet he is still here. He is a good man. A better man that I could probably ever be. I just hope you will come to see that one day."

He nodded to himself and went out, leaving Alice once more alone with her troubled thoughts.

What should she do? Should she accept the offer to replace Gaius and stay here? Or should she go back to her previous exiled life with Martha and her others friend outside Camelot?

She never thought she would have to make this choice in her life. She had resigned herself to being exiled from her home. To live her life and work in secret. But now she has the opportunity to once more truly help people, in plain sight. To finally be truly helpful.

Her eyes looked around the room, trying to imagine herself living here. Could she do it?

* * *

**_So? What do you think? What will happen next ? :)_**


	16. Chapter 15

_**Good evening everyone ! **_

_**Well, okay, this one is very, really, late. But, I have relatively valid excuses! First: well, to be honest, all this sun outside is not helping my writing. Second: I've spent the time I should have been writing this story writing a one shot for this french writes in english contest. A small thing about dragons and stuff... Cross your fingers that this time I'll actually be pre-selected (truly, this is my ultimate dream, no thought about winning, just be printed because pre-selected is enough)**_

_**And third, but not least, two weeks ago someone here made me noticed that some random guy stole my french Doctor Who story and posted it on google books where people can BUY IT. Honestly, I don't have enough words in my english vvocabulary to explain how shocked and disgusted I am at that. I've spent more than 3 years working on this story. I love it. It is my baby. And it has been stolen. It is disheartening. **_

_**But, anyway, here it is. Chapter 15. I hope you will like it! Do not hesitate to leave me a little review! It will make my day!**_

* * *

**Chapter 15:**

Merlin didn't know for how long he stayed locked in Gwen's embrace but for once he let himself enjoy it.

He couldn't say that he was truly okay with Gwen and Arthur looking for another physician without even consulting him but he understood the reasons now. And he knew that Gwen had had only good intention in heart.

It didn't really make it hurt less but he wasn't sure that Gaius' death ever would be easier. He was just hoping that he would eventually get used to it and move on.

Reluctantly, he pushed away from Gwen and offered her a small smile.

"Better?" She asked and he nodded weakly.

"Sorry." He whispered, sitting back down at the table and taking a drink.

"You know, Arthur is feeling really bad about lying to you, right?" Gwen said, also retaking her place.

"Yes… Yes I know. And I know I shouldn't be angry at him for not telling me. Not with how I lied to him in the past but…"

"You can't stop yourself. I understand. Truly I do. And I'm sorry we did. I promise we won't make that mistake again."

"I believe you Gwen. I'll… I'll go talk to him. Just… Not yet."

Gwen nodded.

"Okay. That's all I wanted to hear." She smiled at him. "Well, I think I'll better go."

She pushed herself up and went to him to kiss his cheek.

"Just don't forget that we're here for you if you want to talk or anything. Really. You are not alone Merlin, yeah?"

Merlin nodded.

"Thank you Gwen."

She smiled at him and left. Merlin sat back on his chair and sighed. He hadn't lied to Gwen, he knew he would have to talk to Arthur. Apologize for being so hard on him. But he just couldn't face his friend at the moment.

His gaze fell on the darkening sky and he decided to just get an early night. He felt exhausted and was sure he would see things differently in the morning.

Wearily, he got to his feet and dragged himself to his changing screen to put on his sleeping clothes before falling ungracefully into his bed and snuggling under his covers. He had been even more tired than he had thought because in only minutes he was fast asleep.

* * *

The next morning he was awoken by an annoying ray of light shining right in his eyes. He grumbled under his breath at his forgetfulness just as the door open to let Jonathan enter.

For a moment the servant looked surprised to see Merlin already awake but then he kept on his way to the table.

"Good morning, si... Merlin." He said, still unused to call the warlock by just his name but knowing how Merlin disliked being spoken to too respectfully. "I brought your breakfast. Have you slept well?"

"Good morning Jonathan. Yes very well, thank you."

Merlin went to the table to see the usual bowl of fruits, fresh bread, ham, chicken and cheese.

"You know that I am actually only one person, right Jonathan?" Merlin asked, like almost every day since Arthur decided his Court Advisor needed a servant. "Come here and help yourself to some food, I'm sure you haven't eaten much anyway."

The servant hesitated, his training telling him he shouldn't sit at his master's table to eat but his head knowing Merlin wouldn't let go before he picked up at least an apple. So he did, one apple exactly.

Merlin sighed inwardly. One day he'd manage to get the younger man to actually sit down with him and eat. For the moment, he resigned himself to watch as the servant began tidying up his room while munching his fruit.

Merlin grabbed his own plate and began eating, planning out his day. He had his meetings with the magical community in the morning and was supposed to go to the council session later on.

He was already dreading it. He really couldn't comprehend what had gone through his head when he put Alice in such a position. He was sure she would hate him even more when she had been faced with those close-minded nobles that would surely be everything but nice to her.

"Should I put out your clothes for the day?" The voice interrupted his thoughts.

"No. No. I'll manage, thank you. I'm finished with breakfast. Can you take the rest to the lower town? And then you can find me in the meeting room." Merlin said.

Automatically, Jonathan bowed before beginning to put the dishes together in silent efficiency.

Before long, he was out of the door and Merlin was alone. He went to change into his official clothes and went out of his room.

* * *

The morning passed in a blur for Merlin as he was kept busy with all the work he had missed during the whole human-dragon adventure and the meeting with various people of the lower town, neighboring kingdoms and even a couple of druids.

A long time after noon, Jonathan came in with a plate piled up with food.

"Thank you." Merlin said, only then realizing he had been starving. "I didn't even notice you leaving."

He tucked in the deliciously smelling plates and let his thoughts wander. He hadn't had time to think about it but now he remembered the apprehension he had for the upcoming council meeting.

And the more time that passed, the less he felt ready to go and face it.

"I'm going for a walk Jonathan, you can have your afternoon off." He announced finally.

The servant eyed him curiously but didn't comment and Merlin left him to tidy the dishes.

He didn't really know where he wanted to go but he knew he needed to move, have some fresh air before finding the will to head to the council chamber.

His feet led him outside where he was met with bright sunlight that temporarily blinded him before his eyes caught up with the fact that he wasn't in the candle-lit castle anymore.

For a moment he simply observed the life going on in the courtyard with the merchants and servants going back and forth. He loved the normality of it all.

His eyes caught on the glint of armor and from afar he recognized Leon, Percival and Gwaine coming back from training and he quickly decided that he didn't want to talk with them at the moment so he quickly ducked in the shadows and moved again.

Next, he found himself at the back of the castle and only then understood where he had been unconsciously heading. He kept on and finally arrived in front of the memorial of Gaius' burial place.

He had never been there since he had come back from Ealdor. In fact, he had avoided even thinking about it since Gwen had told him it existed. He had just wanted to forget about it all. And yet, there he was.

He walked slowly to the beautiful stone with Gaius' name on it and sat down on the sun-warmed grass.

For a long time he just stayed motionless, observing the markings as the sun warmed his back through his shirt. He felt numb and sad.

"I don't even know what I'm doing here." He whispered, then felt utterly awkward for talking to an inanimate object but he had seen other people do it in Ealdor and, somehow, it felt good. He wanted to believe that wherever he was now Gaius could hear him. "I so wish you were there to tell me what I should do Gaius."

He wanted to say more but his throat felt suddenly clotted and he fell silent, fighting tears.

* * *

**_So? How was it? Any good?_**


	17. Chapter 16

_**Hello my fabulous readers ! **_

_**So, first thing first, thank you all here to read my story (and review it, for some of you, you can't imagine how important that is!)!**_

_**Second thing is that I am leaving for my long awaited holidays so you won't have any news from me for, say, 3 weeks :). I hope during that time my muse will find me :)! But, you are welcome to write to me anyway (even if I'm always trying to keep my geeky side away and do a virtual pause).**_

_**Third, for those who are interested, know that google actually took my stolen fanfiction off google books. This is such a relief! **_

_**And finally, I can't leave without talking of my new instant love. I just finished totally binge watching the TV show The Flash. It is totally awesome! I may or may not be in love with Barry Allen because he may or may not reming me of Merlin and I find his akwardness sooo cute!**_

_**Well that's it for the (useless) talk about my live ! **_

_**Enjoy reading and see you soon ! **_

* * *

**Chapter 16:**

Arthur had been impatiently waiting for his wife to return from her dinner with Merlin. He had spent so much time pacing the length of his chambers that he was almost sure he could see a distinct track in the stones.

He hadn't eaten anything himself, feeling far too agitated and had dismissed his servant almost as soon as the poor man had set foot in the room. A voice sounding strangely like his magical friend had automatically called him a prat in his own head so that he had almost immediately felt guilty for his rudeness. If it mattered he had promised himself he would give the servant an afternoon free as a hopefully well-hidden apology.

He almost jumped when the door opened far later than he thought he could deal with and he tuned so fast that he swore he felt something crack in his neck.

"Guinevere!" He exclaimed only managing to stop himself rushing to her and ask questions thanks to a lifetime of training.

She closed the door and walked to him, her face unreadable but her eyes carrying a distinct glint of guilt and sadness.

"How did it go?" Arthur asked, fearing the answer.

"As well as could be expected." Gwen answered cryptically. "I think he understood our thinking and I don't think he will bear a grudge. He just needs some time. That's all."

The words were reassuring in themselves but Arthur could see that Gwen wasn't entirely satisfied with her conversation with Merlin.

"What is it then?" He questioned softly, taking her small hands in his sword-calloused ones.

Gwen sighed softly and stepped closer to Arthur, unconsciously leaning in his strong comforting frame.

"It's nothing…." She said softly. "It's just… I still feel guilty about not telling him. We have been so stupid. I feel as if he should be madder at us but then he was saying that he understood and forgiving me just like that…"

"That's Merlin for you." Arthur answered, his tone far lighter than his heart, as he squeezed her against him, one hand idly playing with her brown locks. "But I understand what you mean. I feel the same. I guess we will just have to make it up to him. Somehow."

He felt Gwen nod against his chest

"Come on, we'd better get to bed, I have a feeling tomorrow will be a very long day." Arthur finally said.

* * *

The following morning, the couple were woken by their servants arriving with breakfast. Arthur groaned in a very un-kingly manner. He had spent the majority of the night wondering what the next day would bring. Long after Gwen's breathing had evened out he had still be musing over what he should do and say.

He had finally decided he would go talk to Alice himself to tell her that the position of Court Physician was hers, should she want it and was willing to meet with the council later that day.

When he sat down at the table he suddenly remember that he hadn't eaten anything since the previous day's lunch and was ravenous: he quickly began helping himself from the various plates in front of him.

"You look like you haven't eaten in days." Gwen commented lightly as she also served herself some food.

Arthur could only nod, too busy eating to answer verbally.

It was only once he had satisfied his hunger that he announced his plan to talk to Alice himself.

"That's a good idea." She agreed and Arthur couldn't deny that the proud gaze she sent him helped steady him.

They both prepared for the day and then, after a last kiss to his wife, Arthur left.

It was a relatively quick walk to the physician's rooms. He nodded to the guard on duty before knocking and entering the room.

She obviously hadn't been expected him and bowed slightly with a surprised look on her face. He told her to sit down before settling himself at the well-worn wooden table.

He observed her in silence for a long moment, trying to understand what Merlin and Gaius saw in her and what his own opinion of her actually was. He sighed quietly.

"I have to admit that I don't know what to do with you." He began honestly. "The law dictates I should execute you yet… I don't think you deserve it." He paused, thinking of what to say next. "Merlin thinks that you would be a good replacement for Gaius."

He watched as she struggled not to show her shock too obviously.

"Wh-What?" She finally blurted out, unsteadily.

"Merlin suggested that I give you the job of Court Physician. Don't ask me why, thought. God knows what goes on in his silly head." Arthur repeated, unable to truly hide his annoyance at his friend.

"I… I don't understand."

Arthur almost snorted at that. It looked like they had a common opinion then.

"Me neither. But… I am willing to trust him. He usually is a good judge of character and I spent enough time doubting him and regretting it later… He brought the matter to the council's attention yesterday and they wish to talk to you before authorizing it." He announced and watched as the words made their way in, letting silence fall on them for a long time.

"I don't know what to say." She said.

"For the moment you don't have to say anything. Just think about it. If you don't want the job you will be free to go wherever you want. There is no obligation. The council session will be this afternoon. I'll send a guard for you if you wish to attend." Arthur answered, not unkindly, before pushing himself up and making his way to the door only to stop there, feeling that he had to say more. "You know, for a long time I was sure that magic is evil and corrupts even the kindest souls. I lived in my father's beliefs and was afraid of it. Merlin, despite his flaws and his lies, showed me the truth. He suffered more than anyone should, living in the shadows with the constant threat of death and the weight of a heavy destiny on his shoulders, and yet he is still there. He is a good man. A better man that I could probably ever be. I just hope you will come to see that one day."

He nodded to himself, satisfied that he had managed to express his feelings about Merlin and magic. Part of him prayed that said man would never hear a word of that or he might never hear the end of it.

He once more nodded to the guard and made his way back to his chambers. Hopefully Gwen would be there and they could prepare for the council together.

* * *

The rest of the day passed like a blur to Arthur and before he knew it, it was time to go the Council chamber. Of course, he wouldn't admit that he felt terribly nervous about what would happen.

He was grateful for Gwen's hand in his as they walked through the castle's halls and they didn't part even as they sat down in their respective chairs.

Slowly Lords began trickling in, sitting down and organizing scrap of papers in front of them before chatting in a low voice with their neighbors. At each new footsteps echoing in the corridor Arthur would look up, hopeful to see Merlin, only to be disappointed.

Gwen squeezed his hand as if she could read his mind.

Once every seat, save for the one at his right was occupied everyone turned towards him expectantly. The king stayed silent for a few more minutes, hoping that Merlin would just barge in, late and flustered, but here.

"Well, gentlemen, I guess we're going to begin." He finally resigned himself to announce.

"Shouldn't we wait for Merlin?" The only partially veiled sarcastic voice of Lord Jacobs commented.

Arthur's fist clenched beneath the table. This attitude was at least partially to blame for Merlin's lack of confidence in the council.

"No. He must be busy with other matters." He answered, more sharply than he intended. Not that he felt any guilt for it. "And I think it's safe to assume his opinion on Alice as he was the one to propose her for the position. Guards. Go and fetch her."

The next minutes were spent in trepidation as the lords once more began chatting among them, some commenting on Merlin's absence none too discreetly and other sharing their questions on the perhaps future court physician. Silence settled once more only when the door reopened to let the two guards and Alice enter. She bowed then went to stand at the end of the table in front of Arthur and Gwen.

"Please, sit down." Arthur instructed her, nodding to a servant to bring her a chair. "Now I will let the lords ask any question they deem necessary and I ask you to answer them sincerely and honestly."

"Of course my Lord." She answered and Arthur saw that it was with more respect that he had seen from her since her arrival.

"I recognize you. You were there before the Purge. Your name was on the list of the magic practitioners but you disappeared before being arrested."

Alice nodded. "Indeed I was. I won't lie. I have magic and I practice the healing arts. And I will not hesitate to use it if it can save a life or ease suffering."

Some Lords looked outraged at her announcement and Arthur lifted his hand in peace.

"May I remind you that magic is free in this land. Therefore I can only see benefits to having a court physician that is well versed in those arts. It would also be a sign to the people that we do trust magic users and that the times of fear and condemnations are well behind us." He said, his mind wandering towards Merlin and his still-hidden magic.

Quiet came back to the room until another lord questioned Alice about her previous works.

And on and on it went. Arthur had to admit he tuned out part of the conversation as he wondered where Merlin was and if he should go and find him. Would Merlin accept him or would he still be mad at him? He sighed quietly and Gwen elbowed him. He noticed that the conversation was finished and that everyone was once more looking to him. He cleared his throat.

"Well, if that's all, let's vote. Who agrees to take Alice as our new court physician?"

He waited anxiously for a few seconds and then, thankfully, a majority of hand lifted.

"Very well. That's settled then. Thank you. Alice, if you are willing we offer you the position of court physician."

"I am my Lord."

"Very well. Adjustments will be made for you to settle in. The council is dismissed."

Everyone got up and bowed to Arthur before leaving, some lords stopping to congratulate Alice.

Gwen herself went to the newly appointed court physician, leaving Arthur alone, his mind back on his previous musing. _Where are you Merlin? _He thought.

* * *

_**Well, how did you like it? I can't wait to find out :)**_


	18. Chapter 17

_**Hello everyone!**_

_**So, once more, it feels like an eternity since I last posted a chapter here. I really, truly, honestly am sorry. **_

_**Is the fact that I have spent the time writing a one shot for my What Could Have Been collection enough of an excuse? (well, okay, I also spent far too much time catching up with Arrow and The Flash. Couldn't help myself, the DC fandom just kidnapped me...)**_

_**I do hope that there are still people reading this and enjoying this. I'd love to hear from you all ;)**_

_**Not much more to say except to thank you readers and also my wonderful Beta :)**_

_**Enjoy !**_

* * *

**Chapter 17:**

Alice had been going over and over what the young king had told her, asking herself the same endless questions. Could she do it? Could she stay in Camelot and take over Gaius' work? Could she trust the son of Uther Pendragon? Could she forgive Merlin?

She still had no clear answers to those questions when the knock came at the door and two guards entered.

"We've been instructed by the king to accompany you to the council chambers." One of them said.

Time seemed to stop for Alice. She knew she had to decide. Now.

She took a deep breath and nodded.

During the walk through Camelot's white-stoned corridors, Alice somehow came to a decision. She wasn't absolutely sure it was a good one but it was one she was willing to try and so she entered straight-backed into the council room.

She stopped at the table in front of the royal couple and bowed respectfully before gratefully sitting at the king's invitation.

The council first question was the one she had expected and she was prepared to answer it. What she hadn't been prepared for was Arthur backing her up. So she was completely surprised when he interrupted the raising voices at her declaration that she would not stop using magic.

"May I remind you that magic is free in this land. Therefore I can only see benefits to having a court physician that is well versed in those arts. It would also be a sign to the people that we do trust magic users and that the time of fear and condemnations are well behind us."

She had to admit that even she could see the truth in his statement and was surprised to feel almost proud to be the symbol of magic's comeback at Camelot's court. She gave him a thankful glance and saw the queen smile quickly at her, a proud look in her eyes.

Next the conversation turned to her previous experience: how she had been trained and then honed her skills with Gaius before travelling in various lands during her exile where she had learned more and more healing methods."

She didn't know for how long she answered question after question but she noticed when the king lost interest and gained a faraway look in his eyes. And she also noticed how his wife had to elbow him to get him to pay attention to the here and now. She almost smiled. Indeed, Camelot had changed.

"Well, if that's all, let's vote. Who agrees to take Alice as our new court physician?"

She waited with bated breath while hand after hand lifted until a majority was up.

"Very well. That's settled then. Thank you." The king announced before turning towards her. "Alice, if you are willing we will offer you the position of court physician."

"I am my Lord." She answered solemnly.

"Very well. Adjustments will be made for you to settle in. The council is dismissed."

The lords and Alice got up and bowed but she stayed were she was, accepting the congratulations of some lord and especially of Lord Geoffroy who happily shook her hand with a smile.

"I'm glad you're back Alice." He whispered to her. "Thing just hasn't been the same without you."

"Thank you my old friend." She answered and he left her.

Next she saw the queen approaching her.

"I'm glad you decided to stay." She said.

Alice nodded. "It wasn't easy but I thought about what both you and the king said: I thought that I should trust Gaius' opinion if nothing else. And seeing you two together I now know that things have indeed changed here." She smiled softly as the queen laughed.

"Yes. You have to excuse Arthur. He's just worried about Merlin." She explained, her eyes turning sad.

"I noticed the empty seat. Is it his?"

"It is." Gwen answered, her eyes gliding towards the chair as if Merlin could suddenly appear there. "He… He was supposed to be here but… He just didn't come…"

"I can understand." Alice said. "I see now that I hadn't been very kind to him. Maybe I was a bit unjust."

The queen smiled at her.

"I'm sure he'll come round." She sounded like she was trying to convince herself. "Anyway, I don't want to keep you here if you want to go."

"Thank you my Lady." Alice said, bowing before leaving.

And then, for the first time in years, Alice found herself wandering the castle of Camelot as a free woman. Best, as a court physician. It felt weird. Especially without Gaius.

She walked slowly, observing the corridors and decorations, comparing them with her memories of the place. It hadn't much changed and yet the atmosphere felt totally different. She was crossing paths with smiling servants that were chatting happily among them and even some knight that were helping them. It felt as if some barriers had been lifted. For the better.

She finally arrived into the courtyard and stopped for a moment, simply breathing in. It was amazing how everything felt and looked the same and yet was also drastically different. And suddenly she felt excited to explore more of the castle. Turning to her left, she followed the open corridor for a few yards and then turned once more to the left through a decorated door that led her directly into the Royal Garden.

There things had very much changed. It was obvious that part of it had been left uncared for some time, judging by the wild herbs still visible in some parts of the garden but there were maids working there, chatting together as they knelt on the ground.

Alice nodded to them as she walked through the garden. She remembered how much Ygraine had loved designing this part of the castle and later spent hours simply sitting here sewing or reading, enjoying the warmth of the sun and the floral scent of the air.

The court physician inhaled deeply and, yes, there was that well known scent. She smiled softly, memories of long lost happy days flying in her mind.

She stayed for a long time in the garden but as the sun continued its way in the sky she decided that she had to finish her tour. She used the little back door leading to the field behind the castle and was surprised when, on the horizon, she saw a stone with someone sitting in the grass in front of it, head bowed.

It was too far away for her to recognize who it was but she thought that maybe something was wrong with the person and the physician in her felt compelled to make sure everything was alright.

Only when she was a few feet away did she recognize the lean frame and dark hair. Merlin. She considered turning her back and leaving but reason told her that talking to him would be ultimately unavoidable.

She approached silently and just observed him for a moment. Even if she couldn't see his expression, she could almost feel the grief and weariness in him. She cleared her throat to make her presence known and he jumped. He turned sharply and his eyes widened before he struggled to get up, stumbling a bit.

"Alice!" He exclaimed and cleared his throat as the word sounded rough. "I… Hum… I wasn't expecting you there. I'll… I'll just go."

He avoided her eyes as he began to walk past her.

"I'm sorry." Alice blurted out, effectively stopping him in his tracks.

"What?" Merlin asked, turning towards her with a curious expression on his face.

"I'm sorry for the way I talked to you yesterday." She explained, eying him and seeing the turmoil in his eyes for what it was: pain, guilt, tentative hope.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. You were only stating the truth. I left Gaius alone in a cell and he died because of it. You have every rights to be angry with me."

_How horrible those words sounded when spoken in such a cold voice_, Alice thought.

"That wasn't…" She began to refute but interrupting herself. It was exactly what she had said. She sighed. Merlin once more turned his back to her.

"Wait Merlin!" She waited for him to turn back towards her before speaking again. "I can't go back on what I said to you in the past but... I've spent a lot of time thinking and... If Gaius loved you so much then I am sure that you never wanted him to die."

She saw the tears in his eyes and her heart clenched painfully. However, he didn't say anything.

"And I think I have to thank you for finding me a position in the royal household." She added after a moment.

Another moment passed as he gulped a few times before speaking.

"You never should have left."

Alice nodded sadly.

* * *

_**So? How was it? Any good?**_


	19. Chapter 18

_**Hello my dear readers!**_

_**So, another chapter of this story! I hope you are going to like it! **_

_**I'm really sorry about the lateness... I think this is a thing now... But I promise I am not giving up!**_

_**Special huge thanks to my Beta and all those people who quietly favorite me or my stories! I feel I am not appreciative enough of you all 3**_

_**Nothing more to say except enjoy :D!**_

* * *

Chapter 18:

Merlin left the castle's open grounds still feeling shocked. He couldn't understand what had just happened. Alice had apologized to him. And more than that, she had thanked him! Given that after the last time they had seen each other he had been sure she would try to poison him in the near future, it was no wonder he was surprised.

_What happened?_ He kept asking himself. _What made her change her mind like that?_

Intuition told him that the King and Queen might have had something to do with it.

Still lost in his speculations, he entered the castle and promptly collided with someone.

"I'm sorry!" He immediately began apologizing. "I wasn't looking where… Oh, Arthur, it's you."

Indeed, the King of Camelot was standing in front of him, dressed in chainmail, his sword attached to his belt.

"Were you… Were you going somewhere?" The warlock asked, his guilt spiking at the thought that Arthur would consider riding out without him because of his cold shoulder treatment

"I was just going to train for a bit. Let some steam off, you know." He paused for a moment as if searching for his words. "Listen Merlin, I really wanted to say…I'm sorry for not telling you we were looking for another physician. I know I really should have. It's just that… I didn't want to bother you or make you help to choose between different candidates…"

Arthur looked so uncharacteristically guilty and anxious for Merlin's reaction that the younger man almost laughed. He probably would have, had the subject not been so touchy.

"It's okay Arthur. I understand why you did it. And I have to apologize too. It was hypocritical of me to take offence when I lied to you for years."

Arthur opened his mouth to protest but Merlin's raised eyebrows stopped him.

"Right. Okay." The king conceded a few seconds later. "Let's say we're even then."

"Even." The warlock repeated, extending his right hand for his friend to shake.

The stayed motionless for a moment and then Arthur moved on to carry on his way, Merlin automatically followed him.

"One question thought. Where were you during the council meeting?"

Merlin felt his face flush even if Arthur's tone was nothing but curious and slightly worried.

"Well… Here and there…" He answered vaguely. Arthur just kept his sharp eyes on him. "Alright, I was at Gaius' grave."

Arthur's eyes darkened with sadness. Merlin knew that his friend knew he had never been there. Not after what happened at the old man's funeral.

"Merlin…"

"It's okay Arthur. I'm fine." The warlock cut in.

The king scrutinized him for a long time before nodding in acceptance.

"If you say so." And with that he took the last steps into the training ground and began hitting a dummy under Merlin's watchful eye.

* * *

The next day, Merlin woke up early. To his manservant's surprise, he decided to take his breakfast tray up to the physician's chambers to share with Alice.

Sometime during the previous day's dinner with Gwen and Arthur, he had decided it would be a good idea to help her sort Gaius' things.

He had never managed to do so alone even if he had known that it had to be done at some point.

He knocked on the familiar wooden door and waited anxiously. A few minutes later and the door revealed an obviously freshly awoken Alice.

"Merlin?" She seemed surprised to see him there.

"I hope I didn't wake you." He said and lifted the plate. "I brought breakfast."

"Oh thank you. I was actually just preparing my morning tea. Would you like some?"

"It'd be my pleasure." Merlin answered getting in to place the food on the table with practiced ease.

For a moment, they ate in an awkward silence, unused to be in each other's company.

"So." Alice finally said after finishing her food. "I guess you wanted to say something to me and not just share your food. Not that I didn't appreciate it."

"Yes… Hum… I thought that, if you want… I wanted to propose my assistance in helping you settle in. Maybe clean up a bit in here."

Merlin felt his cheeks heat with a blush at how lame he sounded. A shadow passed over Alice's face and her eyes misted over.

"Listen… I'm sorry. It was a bad idea. Just, just forget about it."

Merlin wished for the earth to swallow him. In almost one whole year he hadn't been able to get himself to deal with Gaius' things and now after only three days, he expected Alice to agree to do so.

"No. No. It's okay. I think it's a good idea. We can't live with ghosts forever. Gaius wouldn't like that."

Merlin nodded.

"What about we begin with you explaining to me how things are organized in here nowadays."

The warlock almost laughed. Organization was a big word. Especially here. So he spent the next hour explaining to Alice were the major things she would need were. Prepared potions, dried herbs, books, linens and other various medical instruments.

It was strangely pleasant for both of them to concentrate on the work and learn of each other. However, they both had duties and they separated an hour later, Merlin returning to the responsibilities he had dramatically neglected recently.

* * *

For the next week, both of them were too busy to continue with their plan, but finally, the next Wednesday Merlin and Alice found themselves once more in the Physician's chambers.

The atmosphere was heavy but they were both determined and encouraged each other. Soon, boxes began to be filled with what Alice thought she wouldn't need and other things were waiting for their new place in the room.

Merlin climbed the stairs to the stacks which housed Gaius' books and began taking them down so Alice could see if she wanted some to be put in more easily accessible places. His gaze fell on a huge, old and well-known book. He couldn't help but smile softly at the memories it held. He thumbed through it.

He remembered perfectly how happy and eager the old man had been to instruct Merlin. Even if at the time the warlock had just wanted to learn enough to save a child without implicating his mentor.

"What are you smiling at?" Alice' voice interrupted his musing, making him almost jump. She approached him and tried to peer at the book upside down.

Merlin huffed softly, feeling uncomfortable. "It's nothing… Hum…. Just an anatomy book."

Alice smiled at him.

"It looks like more than that." She commented.

Merlin carried the book to the table and sat down.

"It was years ago. I was just newly arrived here. There was this druid boy. His father had been killed and he had been stabbed. He called out to me. I hid him in…In Lady Morgana's chambers." His voice caught briefly, a flash of what the woman was before embracing her inner darkness flashed into his mind. "With her help and Gwen's we tried to treat him but none of us had any real idea of what to do. I tried sneaking out some of Gaius' potions and looked for help in this book. He caught me and thought I was interested in becoming a physician myself so he spent hours and hours teaching me everything about the human body when all I could think was that I had to go back and help the druid."

Merlin shook his head as Alice laughed softly.

"I can definitely see Gaius do that. He always was so passionate about his work. Always willing to teach anyone and everyone. It was him who taught me to cure illness without magic and enchantments. He believed that you should never just rely on them. Just in case."

Silence fell for a moment as they both lost themselves in memories.

"What happened then?" Alice finally asked curiously.

"Well…. Gaius soon understood that I was hiding something from him and ultimately discovered Mordred and cured him. After that it was just a matter of sneaking him out. Arthur helped with that."

Merlin didn't mention that the dragon had told him that Mordred would be Arthur's demise and that he almost let the druid be captured because of that knowledge. Nor did he mention that Mordred was probably on top of the list of people that hated him.

"He seems like a good man."

"He is. Far better than his father."

"You should keep that book." Alice said after another lapse in silence.

Merlin's eyes fell on the leather bound pages, thinking about how weird it was that such a simple object could hold such strong memories and sentimental worth.

"Thank you Alice." The woman patted him gently on the arm before turning around to carry on sorting objects.

Merlin thought that maybe, in the end, things could be alright between them.

* * *

_**So, how was it? You liked it?**_

**_Know that I am also thinking about joining Inkitt after reveived to PMs... But I'm still hesitant. I just don't know._**

**_See you soon :)_**


	20. Chapter 19

_**Hello my dear readers!**_

_**Yes, this is an update! I know, once more it has been a very long time... I am truly sorry. Really. But, for once, I have good excuses! **_

_**First, I accidentally dropped water on my good old computer and, therefore, it died after 7 years *cries*. So I had to buy a new one and then I hadn't Microsoft Words. **_

_**Second, I fell really ill. Spent one week and a half at home. (but this is also a good new because I despairingly needed distractions from the stuff happening to me so I wrote).**_

_**And third, and not the least, I received the correction of "A Universe Inside A Tear" by my Beta. This means that I had to correct the original file and, without Words... It was a long a tedious work. But I finally got dear old Words back and TADAM ! So, I can announce that over the next few days I will update this story with the new corrected version ! Yaaaay ! The first 10 chapters are already done ! So if you want to go back and re-read the original story now it will be far better (or so I hope)!**_

_**I could add a fourth that would said that I offered myself the three Star Trek TOS boxsets and I am catching up... Sooooo...**_

_**But, enough talk, here comes the 19th chapter! And I do hope you will like it!**_

* * *

**Chapter 19:**

Two months later, Alice felt as if she had settled back into Camelot nicely. Over that time, more and more people had gradually come to her in times of need and she was glad for that. It showed that people trusted her, despite her known use of magic, and she was enjoying having the work.

Through whispers and rumours, she also gained more and more insight into what had happened during the time she'd been away and what had changed. A lot had.

However, there was one thing that she was not quite used to again and that was being woken in the middle of the night by people knocking at her door.

She pushed herself up with a wince at her creaking old bones and joints while she reached for her dressing grown before going to open the door.

She came face to face with Sir Percival supporting a clearly very drunk Sir Gwaine.

"I'm sorry to disturb you Alice." The burly man said, a guilty look on his face. "I would have woken Merlin but he spent the day on patrol with the king and they only got home a few hours ago…"

"It's okay Sir Percival, do come in." She interrupted. She knew that he wouldn't have come here for nothing. "What is the matter with Sir Gwaine?"

"It's nothing…" The long-haired man slurred almost incomprehensively. "He's just being a mo… A mother-hen!"

"He spent the night at the tavern, started a fight and sliced his arm open with a shard of broken wood" Percival looked tired of his friend's antics as he helped the drunken man sit on the patient bed.

"Guy deserved it… Insulted Merlin."

"I know Gwaine. I was there you know."

Alice nodded distractedly at the story as she went about the room collecting the different items she needed. If there was one thing she had learnt, it was that Sir Gwaine was fiercely protective of the young court advisor. Even more so when he was drunk and his self-control loosened. She went back to sit in front of the knight and began to clean his wound.

"Well, I'm afraid this will need stitching up and will get you off practice for at least a week."

Gwaine grinned a happy drunken grin while Percival shook his head.

"Oh please Percy, don't look so… Blah." The hurt knight exclaimed, speech still hardly understandable. "At least I didn't turn any dragons human."

"Gwaine." Percival hissed sharply.

But it was too late, Alice had frozen.

"What… Was he talking about?" She asked the larger man as Gwaine looked down, clearly chastised.

"Nothing, it's just the mead talking." The man looked flustered.

"Please, my lord, I may be old but I am not senile." She said, despite knowing that it wasn't her place to demand answers.

The knight looked around himself, searching for a way out. Without success. He let out a defeated sigh.

"Well… Last time he went to the tavern and ended up drunk, he woke up in the forest with a man that was a dragon turned into a human."

"That's impossible." Alice answered as she resumed her work on the injured limb even if her mind went back to rumours heard many years ago. When the mighty race still existed.

"It happened. Was awesome… Kind of freaky also... Guy was pissed at M…" Gwaine piped in, clearly remembering the adventure as the alcohol loosened his tongue.

"Gwaine! Shut up!" Percival interrupted sharply.

Alice observed the two. And then it dawned on her. The different stories she heard. About a manservant always following his master, even into the more dangerous situations. Going on quests, fighting beasts, never asking to stay back. A manservant raised to royal advisor. Gaius' unique protectiveness and love.

"Oh. I really should have known." She said softly. "Merlin has magic, hasn't he? And he turned a dragon into a human?"

Percival glared accurately at Gwaine who suddenly seemed to realize what he had done.

"What? No! No! Of course no!" he scrambled to say, sounding far less drunk and adding an awkward false laugh at the end for good measure. "Percival, you didn't believe that story, right? I was drunk and hallucinating."

Alice was not fooled.

She had had suspicions for a while already but this was the proof she needed. And not only did Merlin have magic, but it seemed that he was far more powerful than she could have ever imagined.

"Please. Like I said. Not senile."

The two knights looked worriedly at each other, obviously wondering what they could do to save the situation.

"Don't look so worried. I won't tell anyone." Alice said after a moment.

"It's not that we don't trust you Alice…" Percival tried to justify. "It's just that…"

"It's a well-guarded secret that you didn't wish to divulge. I understand. Really. I do." She completed.

Silence fell as Alice concentrated on closing and binding the knight's arm.

"Like I said. No training for a week and I want you here in two days so I can check the scarring. And here, take this potion, it will help with the hangover."

"Thank you."

"Don't mention it. Now off you go."

Gwaine stood up but swayed dangerously before Percival caught him.

"Good night Alice."

The two knights left and Alice found herself sitting down in front of the fire, too awake to go back to sleep immediately. She felt wired up by the newfound confirmation of Merlin's magic and found herself revising everything she had heard and thought about the young man.

Since her first encounter with him she had sensed that something was different with him. But at the time she had obviously been too preoccupied with other things and hadn't thought to ask Gaius about it. Not that he would have answered, as she knew him.

And after that…. There indeed always seemed to be something more to Merlin but she hadn't wanted to look into it too much. Mainly because she didn't want to disturb the tentative trust they were building.

What should she do? Should she go and talk to him? Tell him she knew and supported him? That he could trust her to not reveal his secret and even help him if needed?

Would he even accept that? They may have been collaborating and eating together once a week but she knew that the past couldn't be erased so easily. And if he was still hiding, even in his new position and without the ban of magic, then he obviously had good reason to.

It suddenly dawned on her that he probably was the reason for Arthur's change of heart concerning the Old Ways. She didn't want to imagine what it had taken to achieve that.

She sighed. Merlin was definitely full of unexpected surprises. She just hoped he wasn't going to be too upset that she now knew one of them.

Finally, her eyes began drooping again and she went back to lie in her bed again. The sheets had cooled down so her muscles and joints took a long time to warm and stop aching but her mind relaxed finally.

Thoughts came and went in her head, old conversations and overheard snippets echoed in her ears. Talks about dragons and ancient rituals. It felt like her mind was trying to tell her something but she was already half asleep and couldn't comprehend it. She finally let go and fell asleep again.

* * *

_**Sorry for the glitch at first publication... **_

_**What do you think?**_

_**And don't forget that you can go back to the newly polished version of A Universe Is Trapped Inside A Tear :D**_


	21. Chapter 20

**_Hello my dear readers!_**

_**Look at that quick update! Reason for it: I leave for a week end in London tomorrow soooo I thought you deserved a treat as a sharing of my utter happiness :D (I am going to the Doctor Who Festival, I'm going to meet my heroes Steven Moffat &amp; Mark Gatiss, hope they'll strike inspiration! It's almost too fantastically great to be true :D).**_

**_So, I hope you'll like the next chapter :)_**

**_As always, a huge thank you to my wonderful Beta :D_**

**_Enjoy!_**

* * *

Chapter 20:

Gwaine woke up slowly, groggily. It took a long time of lying unmoving in his bed to get his bearings. His head felt heavy and sluggish like he had too much drink but it was devoid of any pain. Which was probably the weirdest thing as he distinctly remember going to the tavern the night before. He moved his arm to scratch his dark hair only to hiss as pain flared in his forearm.

"What?" He mumbled, opening his eyes to frown at the white bandages around the limb.

He tried to remember how that had happened but the memory was only a vague echo at the edge of his consciousness. He was literally jerked out of his introspection by the door opening with a loud noise. He turned to see Percival coming in.

"Oi mate, a little less noise would you?" He moaned as he was forced into total awareness.

His friend just raised an eyebrow at him.

"Nope, don't think you deserve it."

"What did I do?" Gwaine asked, utterly confused as his mind flashed back to a Percival with a similar expression… Was it last night?

"Seriously Gwaine?" Percival expression would have been comical if the drunkard hadn't felt so guilty.

Once more he frowned as he tried to remember what had happened the prior night. He remembered a great evening having fun in the tavern, lots of ale and delicious mead. And then a voice emerged from his memory. Cold and cynical. _Well I'm sure he's just warming the king's bed like the servant he was. Probably the only thing he's capable of and the king would just show him pity._

He could feel his anger ignite again. He remembered the fight. Getting hit by a shard of glass. That explained the wrapping.

He carried on trying to remember.

"Oh god." He said after a long time as the conversation with Alice came back. He jumped up, feeling agitated. "Oh god. I didn't do that, did I?"

"If you are referring to the fact that you more or less gave away Merlin's most important secret then yes, I can confirm that you did."

Gwaine sat back down feeling defeated and ashamed. He really was the worst friend anyone could have. He would never be able to face his oldest friend again. He already had half a mind to just take his bag and leave.

Percival seemed to read his mind as his face became less cold. He put his large hand on Gwaine bowed shoulders.

"He is never going to forgive me." The long haired knight lamented.

He felt Percival sit down next to him with a sight.

"Well. If there is one thing I have learned about Merlin is that he doesn't hold grudges easily. And he considers you as one of his dearest friend."

"I really do not deserve that term anymore."

For a long time, neither of them spoke and then, Gwaine stood up.

"Well, I guess I can only go and tell him myself, right?" He announced, going behind his changing screen to put on fresh clothes.

"Want me to come with you?"

"No, thanks Percival. You'd better go to training. There's no need for Arthur to be mad at you too."

The "he will be mad enough at me" was left clearly hanging in the air.

"Okay. See you then."

And with that, Gwaine heard the door close, leaving him alone.

With no real will, he pushed himself up to change clothes and roughly splashed cold water on his head, completely waking him up.

He then made left to make his way to Merlin's chambers. Even with a slow walk, it felt like IT took him no time at all to arrive there. He took a deep slow breathe before knocking.

He didn't have to wait long before the door opened to Merlin's young manservant.

"Hum… Hello… Is Merlin there?"

"Oh, yes, of course my Lord, please enter."

Gwaine nodded and entered the room. His eyes quickly fell on Merlin sitting at his oak table, an old book in front of him and a plate of food next to him. He distractedly picked at the cheese and bread. He looked relaxed.

"Oh! Gwaine! I wasn't expecting you! Shouldn't you be training with Arthur?" He frowned and his eyes roamed over him to watch out for something wrong. "Is everything alright?"

The knight opened his mouth before closing it again.

"I have something to tell you… In private."

"Luke, can you leave us for a few minutes?" Merlin asked, clearly concerned at Gwaine's unusual behavior.

"Of course." The servant bowed and left.

"I hate it when he does that." The warlock commented, trying for a normal comment to diffuse the growing tension.

Gwaine couldn't bring himself to raise the bait.

"Okay, what is it Gwaine? You look like your favorite apple tree has been cut down."

That Merlin was cracking jokes tugged at the knight's heart.

"No… Hum… Look Merlin, I am really sorry… I… Well… I accidently revealed your magic to Alice." There, he said it. No other way to go around it. He averted his eyes, unwilling to see Merlin's disappointment.

He had so broken his trust.

For a long time nothing was said and the more time passed, the more nervous Gwaine became, fidgeting on his seat. He wanted to beg Merlin to say something but he wasn't sure he wanted to hear what the younger man had to say.

When he finally thought he couldn't take it anymore, Merlin breathed in.

"Well… I knew that it had to happen one day or another." He commented, sounding far calmer than Gwaine had expected.

"What?" He looked up, dumbfounded to see an accepting Merlin.

"Alice and Gaius were very close, Gwaine. And she is clever. She was bound to discover the secret sooner or later."

"But…. Why aren't you mad at me? I told her you had magic! I divulged your biggest secret!"

Merlin frowned, staring at the knight.

"You… Want me to be mad at you?"

Gwaine shrugged. "You have every reason to! You trusted me and then I got drunk and told her you turned a dragon human!"

He heard Merlin sigh.

"Really Gwaine. I'm not mad at you. I'm sure you didn't mean to. And I would have told Alice ultimately. You just sped things up a bit."

The knight didn't say anything and Merlin lightly kicked his right foot under the table.

"Oh, come on Gwaine, cheer up. The long face doesn't suit you."

"You are too forgiving for your own good Merlin."

The warlock laughed softly at his friend's mumbling.

"Well, maybe. But I am sure that Arthur will find some really awful chore to punish you in my place."

Gwaine groaned and let his head fall onto the table in dramatics. He was kind of reassured that Merlin wasn't truly angry at him but he still felt he didn't deserve such clemency. He would have understood if the warlock had decided he should leave Camelot and never talk to him again.

"Come on, have some food, hopefully it will cheer you up." The warlock added when Gwaine still looked like a kicked puppy.

Almost reluctantly, the knight reached for a slice of apple and only then realized that he was, in fact, starving.

"That's more like it. Thought, I still want the complete story about what happened in the tavern." Merlin added, nodding to Gwaine's arm.

* * *

_**So? How did you like that? Are you feeling the crossroad coming? I'm sure that as clever as you are you can see it :D**_


	22. Chapter 21

_**Hello everyone!**_

_**So, yes, this is awfully late, huh? I could blame me falling sick (again) and then discovering/ binge-watching NBC's Constantine. **_

_**I could also say that I had a doubting crisis on this story and its plot but I have come to a decision. No worries.**_

_**However, motivation will hopefully come back along this Humans soundtrack that is totally magnificent.**_

_**Anyway, here it is so I hope you're going to enjoy it!**_

_**Thank you very much for following/favoriting/reviewing/reading this story!**_

* * *

**Chapter 21 ;**

Merlin was in a good mood. He had woken up early to Luke bringing him breakfast and had decided it was the perfect moment to carry on studying old magical treaties. He knew he should have done it months ago but he had been too busy with the many meetings and his work as physician.

It was only now that Alice was here and finally settled in, that he really noticed what his friends had a long time ago. He had been doing so much at the same time that he hadn't been able to concentrate on any one thing. Now, at least, he could focus on increasing his knowledge on magic.

He had to admit that he loved it. Even if some of those old books were really boring. He had managed to get a good insight onto how things were before the Purge. He had read how much magic had been integrated into everyday life and how it still was in other faraway kingdoms.

It made him hopeful for the future. He was confident that things could go back to the way they were.

In some ways, they already had. More and more Druids came to sell herbs and trinkets into the lower town and he had often heard servants and guards marveling about this or that magic happening.

He had also been glad that people had seemingly accepted Alice as the new Court Physician and that she used magic if she felt it was necessary.

Part of him wished for that freedom. But he knew that it was important to still keep his magic secret. And he was content to have only his closest friends know.

He was interrupted from his studious breakfast by a quiet knock at the door. He didn't have time to react before Luke moved and opened the door.

Merlin was surprised to hear Gwaine's voice asking for him. Luke didn't need his master to let the knight enter.

The warlock immediately noticed that something wasn't right with his friend. He looked rough, his eyes low and sad. He carefully observed every inch of his friend's body, noticing the unnatural bulk of his left arm.

"Oh! Gwaine!" He saluted anyway, knowing that it was no use to directly ask questions of the knight. "I wasn't expecting you! Shouldn't you be training with Arthur? Is everything alright?"

He couldn't stop concern seeping into his voice. His friend's obvious hesitation at answer rang a new set of alarm bells. Gwaine was never so unconfident. Not even when fighting unbeatable odds.

The request for privacy only furthered Merlin's worry. Had something happen to Arthur? One of the other knights? His mother?

He forced himself to stay calm as he asked for his servant to leave. Which the young man willingly did with all the unrequested and useless flourish.

"I hate it when he does that." Merlin joked, hoping it would relax his tense friends.

Unsuccessfully it appeared as Gwaine only stared at the room without looking at Merlin.

"Okay, what is it Gwaine? You look like your favorite apple tree has been cut down." He added after a small while.

The knight only frowned more until he finally seemed to make a very hard decision and opened his mouth to talk.

"No… Hum… Look Merlin, I am really sorry… I… Well… I accidently revealed your magic to Alice."

Merlin hadn't been expecting that. At all. He found himself absolutely speechless. Was that a good thing or a bad thing? What would it change?

The fact was that he and Alice had developed a kind of relationship. Not quite a friendship but still a relationship where they trusted each other. Or at least trust Gaius' opinion of the other. Which was probably enough.

But still, this was his lifelong secret. A secret that his mentor hadn't divulged to her even if he could have without Merlin being able to complain.

His eyes fell on Gwaine's repentant expression and his friend's unusual attitude became clear. His decision was clear. He shook his head slowly.

"Well… I know that it had to happen one day or another." He commented. The knight's head snapped up in with what must have been painful speed.

"What?"

Merlin let out a small smile before explaining himself.

"Alice and Gaius were very close, Gwaine. And she is clever. She was bound to discover this secret sooner or later."

"But…. Why aren't you mad at me? I told her you had magic! I divulged your biggest secret!"

Merlin frowned at him, trying to understand what his friend wanted to hear. It was true that it had it been two years ago, he probably would have been at least annoyed at Gwaine but so many things had changed. Magic no longer being outlawed on penalty of death was probably the main reason of his calm.

"You… Want me to be mad at you?" He asked curiously.

He had never known his friend like that, so withdrawn and obviously ashamed.

"You have every reason to! You trusted me and then I got drunk and told her you turned a dragon human!"

Merlin sighed. It was true that looking at it that way, Merlin should have been absolutely furious. But well, his friendship with Gwaine was too important for him than that.

"Really Gwaine. I'm not mad at you. I'm sure you didn't mean to. And I would have told Alice ultimately. You just sped things up."

It was the truth. Even if the long-haired man in front of him still didn't look convinced.

"Oh, come on Gwaine, cheer up. The long face doesn't suit you."

"You are too forgiving for your own good Merlin."

That didn't sound completely true to the warlock but he didn't want to argue with his friend so he just laughed.

"Well, maybe. But I am sure that Arthur will find some really awful chore to punish you in my place."

And that finally got a normal reaction from his friend; a groan and a dramatic head bang on the table. Merlin felt bad for him.

"Come on, have some food, hopefully it will cheer you up."

The food loving man looked reluctant but took an apple slice from the warlock's plate before quickly beginning to wolf bread and cheese down.

"That's more like it." Merlin smiled. "Thought, I still want the complete story about what happened in the tavern."

The knight grimaced and unconsciously stroked his hurt arm and shrugged.

"Just the usual." He answered around a bite of food. "The glass won against my arm."

Merlin hummed, recognizing a lie but unwilling to push his friend just as he was returning to a more normal attitude.

"Well, I think I'd better go talk to Alice then." He announced when all the food was gone. "And you better report for some light knightly duties if you don't want to upset our dear king even more."

He added when Gwaine made to follow him.

"Okay." Enthusiasm was clearly lacking from the drunkard's tone.

"Oh and, Gwaine, don't tell him about Alice will you? I'll do that later."

* * *

_**So? Did you like it?**_

_**Oh, and in case any of you were wondering, Doctor Who Festival was the most amazing thing I ever did and I'm so happy that I got to listen the people involved and also that I decided to cosplay. Can't wait to do it again!**_


	23. Chapter 22

_**Hello my dear readers,**_

**_Merry Christmas (or whatever thing you are celebrating)!_**

**_I wish you all all the best and love and everything you wish for!_**

**_I'll be brief and thank you all for reading and supporting me. And I will also give a special super huge thank you to my dear, fantastic Beta who's doing a formidable work at correcting my non native English (and following better than myself my plot haha!)._**

**_That's it then, leave a little word to tell me how you liked this chapter if you wish!_**

**_Enjoy!_**

* * *

**Chapter 22: **

Alice woke up far later than usual that morning. It wouldn't have bothered her except that she had planned to go to the market and buy supplies from one of the druid tribes coming from the south. She knew their products were very popular so she would have to rush through her morning routine if she wanted any hope to still find what she needed.

That probably was the reason she almost collided with Merlin. It looked like he had been about to knock at her door.

"Oh Merlin!" She exclaimed, putting a hand on her heart. "I wasn't expecting you here!"

The young man blinked, obviously a bit shocked at her sudden appearance.

"It's okay. You look in a hurry. Are you going somewhere?"

"Yes, at the market place actually. Do you need something?"

Merlin looked hesitant and Alice was reminded of what she had learned a few hours ago.

"It can wait." The sorcerer answered.

"You know what, you should come with me." She proposed. "I'm sure I will certainly find some use for a younger pair of arms."

Merlin nodded and gestured at her to lead the way before falling into step beside her.

While they walked through the corridors and streets, she couldn't help but observe him in a new light. She knew that, in truth, nothing had changed in him but it felt as if she was suddenly expecting magic to burst from him. Of course, she knew that wouldn't happen but it made her wonder. How much power did he really have?

If what Gwaine said was true, probably a lot and if so, how had he been able to keep it a secret for so long? It must have been hard for him. She knew only too well what not using magic could do to any magic user. And it became worse the more power you bore.

Curiosity made her want to ask him so many questions. It was, however, obviously not something they should discuss in public so she knew she had to wait. And she also wanted him to talk to her about it of his free will and not force him if he didn't want to share.

During her musings, they had arrived at the market place. It was alive with people dressed in colorful dresses. Some were selling trinkets, various cloth or food and, in one corner, an old woman was sitting in front of a table were small wooden animals were walking, obviously magically animated.

Alice caught Merlin's happy grin and glinting eyes as he turned towards the spectacle. She was about to comment on it when a young girl ran towards them and almost slammed into her companion who kneeled down at her level.

"Hey Lysa!" He greeted, hugging her.

"Hello Merlin! Did you see what this lady is doing! She's making a farm with wooden animals! She said we can buy them afterwards!" The six year old was clearly very excited as she tugged at the man's sleeve, trying to get him closer.

Merlin laughed whole heartedly, showing Alice a side of him she had only glimpsed at.

"This is amazing, isn't it? Will you ask your father to buy you one? It is nearly your birthday isn't it?" He asked kindly.

"Oh... No... We won't have the money. But it's okay! It's still great to watch!"

A man approached the pair.

"Lysa! There you are! Are you bothering Merlin again?"

"No." She answering, shaking her head with a flurry of hair.

"Don't worry, it's fine." Merlin reassured with another dazzling smile. "I'm happy to know she likes the druids."

"That she is. Well, we'll be on our way then, hey Lysa? I'm sure Merlin has much to do."

The girl looked sad but nodded.

"Okay. Bye Merlin."

"Bye Lysa, I'll see you soon."

Daughter and father left with a small wave.

"You're great with children." Alice commented, amused at seeing the man blush a deep red.

"As I said, I'm just happy to see druids being integrated into people's lives. And Lysa's birth was the first one I assisted Gaius with. She's a sweet girl and I just kept in touch with her and her family." He shrugged as if it was nothing important. "If you'll excuse me, I just have a little something to do and then I'll be all yours for carrying supplies."

Alice nodded and watched as he went to buy one of the toys. Obviously, this little girl would get her dream present. Smiling, the court physician turned her back and began her own shopping. One thing was true, Merlin was certainly selfless.

* * *

It was almost two hours later that Alice and Merlin returned to the castle, arms laden with herbs and supplies. They deposited their purchases on the main table to be put away later and Alice went to revive the fire to prepare tea.

"So." She said as she put out cups and tea herbs. "You said you wanted to talk to me about something Merlin."

"Ah, yes." The young man answered and sat himself down at his usual place at the table. "Well... I just wanted to make sure there were no hard feelings between us because I didn't tell you of my magic. In all honesty, I would have told you one day or another. It is just not something I am used to discussing or sharing with people. In fact, I don't think I ever willingly told someone..."

"Don't worry. I can understand why you didn't tell me. We're not exactly close friends either. But rest assured that I won't divulge your secret."

"I don't doubt it."

"One question thought. You're a Royal Advisor now. On Magical Affairs. So why isn't your magic public? From what I've seen, I'm sure many people would support you. Even with that."

Alice poured the warm water as Merlin smiled.

"Maybe." He answered softly. "But I also made many enemies along the way and with Arthur, we decided that it would be a better advantage to keep it secret so me or my family and friends won't be targeted."

"I understand. It must not be easy."

The secret sorcerer shrugged.

"I'm used to it. And it's already a relief to have my friends know."

They fell into a companionable silence as they slowly sipped their warm tea. Alice was still wondering if she would dare to ask him the questions that burn her lips.

"I'm sure you have questions."

The physician felt herself blush slightly at the younger man's perspicacity.

"You don't owe me any answers."

"I know. But I'm still willing to answer some."

Alice hesitated.

"Sir Gwaine told me you turned a dragon human."

She presumed it was best to begin with their most recent history.

"Ah... Yes... I did... Don't ask me how thought because I have no idea honestly. Gwaine got me drunk one night and we woke up to Kilgharrah being there, annoyed at us." Merlin laughed softly. "I think I read this incantation in a book, I didn't even notice I had it memorized before then."

"It's old magic." Alice commented. "I only heard talks about such things when I was younger."

"Really?"

"Yes. There always were stories about dragons being made humans by their dragonlords to protect them or to show them what life as a human being is like. It's ancient magic. It takes very powerful magic. I honestly always thought it was just a legend." She answered and saw Merlin blush once more before he took a sip of tea.

Silence fell for a little time.

"Where did you learn magic though?" Alice finally asked.

Merlin shrugged before answering with a wistful smile.

"Nowhere. I've had magic since I was a child. I came here to learn to control it with Gaius. And instead found out its purpose."

"And what is it?"

"To protect Arthur. To make a good man out of the prat prince I met." He answered with a smile.

"I think you've made a good work of it." She commented.

"Yeah. I think so too. He didn't always make it easy though."

Alice laughed well heartedly.

"I can imagine."

* * *

**That's it, Merry Christmas again!**

**And if you are following the What Could Have Been collection, you may want to watch your mailbox tomorrow because my little finger tells me that Santa may have something for you ;).**


	24. Chapter 23

**_Hello my dear readers !_**

**_And Happy New Year, I guess (we're still in January so technically I am not too late, am I?)_**

**_I know, it has been an eternity since last update... Is the fact that I was again sick and that real life got in the way a viable excuse?_**

**_Anyway, I will once again thank you all for bearing with me and this story. Thank you for reading, reviewing, favoriting! I love you all!_**

**_I noticed this story reached 100 reviews. THANK YOU! This is absolutely amazing!_**

**_And thank you to my Beta for correcting all this stuff!_**

**_Enjoy!_**

* * *

**Chapter 23:**

It was a while after his conversation with Alice that Merlin finally returned to his chambers. He had spent a long time in the castle's vault, cataloging the different magical artifacts there and determining which were really dangerous and which were in fact harmless tools that could be given back to their owners or the druids. Once more, it was a task he should have begun a long time ago but he hadn't had the time.

He had to admit that, despite the seemingly never ending work and underground dampness, it was a task that he actually enjoyed. He gave him the opportunity to discover many artifacts that he couldn't have even imagined. Even if some of those made his skin crawl with uneasiness at the dark magic in them.

With a contented sigh, he relaxed into the chair next to the fire to chase the remaining chill from the vaults. As his tired muscles slowly warmed, his mind wandered back to what Alice told him. Legends about human dragons. It was hard to wrap his mind about the fact that it could exist.

And yet he had seen it with his own eyes and Kilgarrah. It was more than a legend. It was reality.

He sat up straight from his slouched position as if struck by lightning. Human dragons were reality. They were a possible thing. Surely, at the time when dragonlords were common, they would have known how to transform the dragons. And what better way to hide them? To save them?

He barely let himself believe in the small spark of hope entering his heart but his previous sleepy state had definitely disappeared.

He jumped up and quickly found his cloak before heading out, ignoring the fact that the sun was already low in the sky.

A brisk walk later and he was in the dragon clearing waiting for the winged creatures he had called on his way there. He paced nervously back and forth until he heard the familiar flapping sound.

As usual, Aithusa was the first one to arrive and greeted him with enthusiastic nudges of her snout to his side.

"Hey. I'm happy to see you too." Merlin said as he watched the bigger dragon land with a gust of wind. "Kilgarrah."

A small bow acknowledged him.

"I wasn't expecting you to call so soon. Is anything the matter?"

"Not really." The warlock answered cryptically. "Someone made me think about… What happened last time we met."

The dragon's answer was a shift in his head. Merlin cleared his throat.

"When I turned you human…" He added uselessly.

"I do remember. What about it?"

"Could it be possible that there still are human dragons in hiding?"

No beating around the bush. Silence seemed to fall on the clearing as both dragons went very still. Kilgarrah stared at Merlin while Aithusa stared at her dragon counterpart with a questioning frown on her face. The warlock almost didn't dare to breathe as he waited for the answer to his question. A very long time passed.

"It is, theoretically, possible." The dragon finally said, sounding more unsure than Merlin had ever heard him.

"Could you find them?" Merlin's excitement was clearly audible in his voice. He supposed he could easily give them their true form back just as he had done with the old dragon.

Kilgarrah shook his head sadly.

"No. Once a dragon is in its human form its mind becomes unreachable to the others." He obviously tried to hide it but Merlin could hear the disappointment in the dragon's voice.

He began pacing the clearing again, hands rubbing his scalp.

"Is there really no way to contact them? Surely there must be a way?" He asked. It was frustrating for him to not have this knowledge.

Not for the first time since learning of his abilities, Merlin found himself annoyed at the fact that he had no other dragonlord to ask for advice. It was a terrible loss of many traditions.

Kilgharrah didn't answer but Merlin could feel he was hiding something. It looked like Aithusa could too because she approached her friend with an expectant look on her face.

"What are you not telling me?"

The dragon shook its scaly head.

"Do not make me order you." Merlin threatened, voice rising to a commanding tone.

That made the beast bristle, its wings extending in the large clearing as if it wanted to fly off but couldn't. Finally, he let out what Merlin interpreted as a sigh.

"Fine. In the older times, long before you were born, there existed many rituals performed by dragonlords that were also warlocks. Some of them were to help dragons find places to settle without harming anyone. Some, as you know, allowed them to turn dragons humans. Others, allowed them to call on dragon in whatever form they were in case they were in danger."

Merlin grinned. He had known things couldn't be that hopeless.

"Good!" He interrupted Kilgharrah's retelling, already planning to clear his schedule. "What do I need to do then?"

"Merlin, you don't understand!" The dragon growled, the use of its first name stopping the warlock's train of thought. "Those rituals cannot be performed alone. It requires more powerful magic that any one sorcerer possesses. They were always performed by several dragonlords joining their powers."

"And I am Emrys." Merlin answered after a beat. "Doesn't that mean that I am the most powerful warlock to ever walk this earth?"

He didn't like the title on any ordinary day, in fact he hated it with a passion, but now he was glad for this power.

The dragon shook its head.

"It doesn't work like that."

"Then what's the point to all this power if I cannot help my friends!"

Merlin clammed his mouth shut. The term had escaped him but he realised it was somewhat true. He didn't know exactly when it had happened, but he had truly begun to think of the large beast as a friend.

Both dragons stared at him before Aithusa came forward to nudge him once more.

"I appreciate your willingness young warlock but there is truly nothing you can do."

"And I don't believe you. Share the knowledge of the ritual with me and I will judge if I can do it or not."

The dragon began shaking his head in denial again but Merlin didn't let him.

"Do it Kilgharrah." His voice had taken the tone that the dragon couldn't refuse.

The beast bowed, looking distinctively crossed but unable to refuse Merlin's command. He took a deep breath in and released it on Merlin.

The warlock was ready for the heady feeling of knowledge infusing itself in his mind and Merlin blinked.

"Thank you." He said breathlessly.

"I warn you Merlin, you cannot succeed in a summoning ceremony alone."

"I won't be alone." The young man answered with a soft smile. "I'm counting on you both to help me."

Aithusa nodded enthusiastically at his side while Kilgharrah shook his head.

"I won't encourage you down in a path that will only lead to your demise young warlock. And I do hope that you won't force me to do so."

Merlin blushed at the hidden reproach. He hadn't truly wanted to command the dragon but he despairingly wanted to find out if there were any dragons left on this world.

"I understand."

"I would ask you to give this up but I know you won't listen to me. I just hope that you will understand the impossibility of your plan before it's too late."

And with those words the giant beast flew off, leaving Merlin and Aithusa alone.

The warlock kneeled down in front of the young dragon who was watching him worriedly.

"Don't worry." He said in his most reassuring voice, putting his hand on her warm white scales. "Everything will be alright, I promise."

The youth whined softly, clearly unhappy with Merlin and Kilgharrah being at odds.

"I'm sure he will come round eventually. Now I'd better go back to Camelot. I have a lot of work to do, have I not?"

The dragon nodded and bowed in farewell before taking off, leaving Merlin alone in the clearing.

It was only when he turned around that he noticed that night had fallen and that his path was now almost invisible in the moonlight. He shrugged and lit a nearby branch to use as a torch.

* * *

_**Can I mention (in case it wasn't obvious) that I totally LOVE writing Aithusa?**_

**_Leave a little review if you want, it'll make my day._**

**_Oh and did I mention that the "Humans" soundtrack is a pure blessing to my writing process? Like really. Nothing better to write with._**


	25. Chapter 24

**_Hello my dear readers!_**

**_I know, I know, once more I abandoned you... What can I say? Social life got in the way and I spent my two last writing cessions writing a one shot that crept on me (it is under correction with my Beta soooooo SOON)..._**

**_I want once more to thank you all for reading this story, favoring and reviewing (never underestimate the power of reviews)_**

**_I hope you will love the chapter, don't hesitate to tell me anything you think!_**

**_Enjoy!_**

* * *

**Chapter 24:**

Gwaine felt a strange mixture of relief and ever present guilt when he left Merlin to report to Arthur. He hadn't expected to be forgiven so easily. A little voice told him he should have because it was just so typically Merlin, wasn't it?

"You okay mate?"

Percival's voice interrupted his musing.

"What? Yeah."

"You look a bit out of it, did Merlin hex you or something?"

The joke fell flat on Gwaine.

"In fact, no. He wasn't even angry at all. Said that he would have told her anyway so I just helped." The drunkard explained.

"Well, that's great! Why do you still look like some kicked puppy?"

"It shouldn't have been so easy!" Gwaine cried out.

The other knight looked at him with a frown.

"You know you're a really weird man my friend."

"Anyway, I should better go to Arthur. Have to inform him of the light duties order Alice gave."

Without further ado, he left Percival still staring at him with a confused expression on his face.

* * *

Nodding to the guards outside the throne room, Gwaine entered to find Arthur reading some report at the middle of the long table. He looked up after a few seconds.

"Gwaine. What brings you here? I thought you were training at this hour." Disapprovement was audible in the king's voice.

"Yeah… About that… I was involved in an incident yesterday and sliced my arm. Alice requested that I have some days of light duties only."

A blond eyebrow rose as Arthur examined him, head to toe.

"You were _involved_." He repeated, clearly knowing that the knight didn't merely get involved in things. "You mean you started a drunken brawl at the tavern?"

"I didn't start it!" Gwaine contradicted automatically. "Well… Technically I threw the first punch but the other guy deserved it."

Arthur just continued to watch him for a long time before sighing tiredly. When he finally spoke, it was with a resigned tone.

"Well, I suppose that I don't really want to know the details, do I? I hope you know that I won't be paying for any of the damage you caused. And in the meantime, I suppose you can supervise the grain stocking. This shouldn't affect your _recovery_."

Gwaine nodded and opened his mouth, almost wanting to tell the king of what else had happened but he remembered his promise to Merlin.

"Fine Sire." He bowed a bit before retreating, completely missing the astonished look the king sent him at his far too serious tone.

* * *

The work he was assigned didn't put any stain on his arm. It was also incredibly boring. And frustrating.

Boring because watching people hauling sacks of grain was repetitive and unsurprising. Frustrating because he didn't sit well with watching people, including children, work when he was there doing basically nothing. Not to mention the fact that it all left him with far too much time to think about Merlin and that was more than frustrating.

He just couldn't understand why Merlin would forgive him. No matter how many time the man explained it to him. It just wasn't logical.

His doubts kept replaying in his mind for most of the day until finally, the villagers announced they were done. Gwaine thanked them and went on his way back to the main part of the castle. The sun was already setting and from the corner of his eye he noticed a familiar blue cloak billowing behind its wearer.

Where was Merlin going so late? Night would be upon them in a matter of hour. He debated following the younger man before he decided that for once he shouldn't impose himself if his friend wanted privacy.

After all, maybe his talk with Alice didn't go that well… He bit his lip. Should he worry? Should he follow?

"What makes you look so worried Sir Gwaine?" A voice askes behind him and the knight turned to be faced with Alice watching him.

"Merlin." He said, glancing back to where the younger man had disappeared.

"Ah yes… Is everything alright between you two?" She asked kindly.

"I should be the one to ask you this question." Gwaine retorted suspiciously.

"Of course. We spent some time talking this morning before he left. I assure you there are no hard feelings between us."

She seemed annoyed at what he had been implying. It reminded her strangely of his mother and he repressed a shiver.

"I'm sorry Alice. I wasn't right to say that. It's just that I don't like him leaving like this… Brings back bad memories." He explained.

"No harm done. But don't worry. I'm sure he's fine."

Gwaine hummed, unconvinced but at least reassured that things had gone well between the new physician and the warlock.

"I guess I'll have to trust him on that."

Alice nodded and left with a goodnight. Gwaine didn't move. He trusted her when she said Merlin was probably fine. He just needed to see it for himself. He knew first-hand how well the warlock could hid his true feelings.

He decided to go find some food in the kitchen before settling there to wait for his friend. That wouldn't be too invasive. Hopefully.

* * *

The sun had set and torches had been lit around the courtyard for a long time before Gwaine finally caught sight of a figure walking the streets of the lower town with a lit torch in hand.

He pushed himself up from his sitting position on the stairs with a groan and observed his friend. He looked focused on his thoughts, clearly not really watching where he was going as he passed next to the knight without a glance.

"Merlin!" Gwaine called out.

The younger man jumped and almost lost his footing as he turned back towards his voice.

"Oh Gwaine! What are you doing here? Did Arthur put you on guard duties?" He sounded as distracted as he looked.

"No. I… Hum… I was waiting for you in fact."

"For me? Why?"

"I saw you leave earlier and I was worried. Are you okay?"

"Oh. Yes, yes I'm fine. Perfect. Just have a lot of work to do, that's all."

Gwaine frowned as Merlin turned back to carry on his way. He ran up the stairs to fall in step with his friend.

"Where have you been then?"

"With the dragons. I had to talk to Kilgharrah."

"Should I be worried?" The knight couldn't stop himself from asking. After all, the only times he had heard of the older dragon was when something was wrong.

"What? No! No, of course now! Really, Gwaine I'm fine, everything is fine." Merlin answered, turning towards him, finally focusing on their discussion as if he sensed the knights worry. "You should turn in for the night, you were injured only yesterday."

The drunkard couldn't deny that the offer sounded great as his arm has been steadily throbbing throughout the day. Yet he had a feeling that his friend wasn't telling him everything. And that was always concerning.

"You know you can tell me everything right?"

"Yes Gwaine. I know. I swear there's nothing to worry about. I just have some things to take care of. I promise everything is fine."

The knight was still pretty much unconvinced, experience taught him that, but he was willing to let the matter go for the moment.

"Fine." He conceded. "I'll go, but you should follow your own advice, you look as his you could use some sleep too."

"Yeah, yeah of course, I will. Goodnight Gwaine."

"Goodnight Merlin."

Gwaine watched as the younger man walked away, once more back in his own world as he nearly collided with a passing servant. The knight shook his head fondly. He didn't know what this was about but he had a feeling it was the start to be a whole new adventure.

* * *

_**Soooo... What do you think? I know, you probably weren't expecting that...**_

_**See you soon (with a one shot :D)**_


	26. Chapter 25

_**Hello everyone !**_

_**Here is a new chapter! Yay! I hope you will like it! **_

_**And if you must know, the good news is I am really progressing on this story! So I am confident that I may soon update more!**_

_**In other news, you may remember that I have spent some time writing a original one shot for a writing competition and, well, I wasn't selected. But if you're interested in it, you can go check my account on FictionPress (same username) I'd be very happy because I really loved this story and I would love for more people to read it!**_

**_In any case I'm thanking you all for keeping up with me and reading! _**

**_Enjoy !_**

* * *

**Chapter 25:**

Merlin didn't know why he hadn't told Gwaine of the contents of his discussion with Kilgharrah. He just felt as if it was something he had to do alone. Like some sort of quest that would validate him as a dragonlord.

And, for perhaps the first time, he truly felt like he had a responsibility as a dragonlord. It felt like a real duty and not just an obscure title passed down from his father. He really did feel like he had the power to change things for the better.

It was an exhilarant and scary feeling. He had the power to bring back a whole race of mighty beings. No matter what Kilgharrah said, he knew he could do it. Or at least do his utmost to try. Because Aithusa deserved to have others like her. And Kilgharrah deserved an end to his loneliness.

It was already late but he was feeling too energized to sleep. And he hadn't lied, a lot of was awaiting him. He had to find a way to enhance his powers, temporarily obviously, and also had a lot to prepare for the ritual in itself: plants to find, a golden cauldron, a silver dagger forged in the fire of a dragon…

But first: research. He turned towards the vaults. He had seen some books there that might have some answers.

At this time of the evening, the castle halls were already fairly deserted and he only crossed a few patrols on the way, nodding politely at them.

After a quick look around, he used his magic to light the torches on his way down. He wrapped his cloak closer to himself to fend off the dampness that had become colder with the night and more prominent with the depth.

He found the key to the main vault still in his pocket and entered, again lighting torches against the darkness. He shivered slightly at the feeling of power emanating from the magical objects kept there and walked to the books stored to his left.

He had categorized them a few weeks earlier so knew what to look for. He selected some and began browsing through their pages.

He would have stayed there all night had Leon not interrupted him by clearing his throat. Merlin jumped and turned sharply towards the noise, almost knocking his candle to the floor.

"Leon!" He exclaimed. "You scared me!"

"Sorry Merlin, I didn't mean to. I saw the lights and wondered if you had forgotten them earlier. I wasn't expecting you to still be here."

He sounded a bit too suspicious for Merlin's liking so the warlock quickly closed the book he had been studying and bent down to retrieve the other two he needed.

"Yes, I was just coming to fetch these, I noticed them earlier and wanted to study them some more. Lots of protective spells in them. Thought they would be useful."

Leon's raised eyebrow showed clearly that he didn't really believe Merlin but was too polite to make any further comment.

"I'll go back to my chambers then." Merlin added after a few minutes of awkward silence, rushing to the exit.

"Didn't you forget something?" Leon asked with an amused smile.

Merlin turned back towards the vault with a frown.

"Oh yes! Of course! _Garjzia letta_." He whispered and the candles inside flickered out.

He locked the gates again and made his way back towards the ground level, the knight following him with clanking armor.

"Well, I wish you a goodnight then Leon." The warlock announced as they reached the main corridor.

"Yes Merlin, goodnight to you too." The knight answered before turning left towards the courtyard, probably to check on the guards there.

Merlin let out a relieved breath. He knew he had nothing to reproach himself but he still felt guilty at hiding the real reason of his presence in the dungeons.

He just knew that should the knights or Arthur learn of his plan, they probably wouldn't be any happier than Kilgharrah.

* * *

Back in his chambers, Merlin relit the fire with a flash of his eyes before changing out of his cold clothes into warm night ones. He then settled again in the high-backed chair next to the fire and re-opened the book he had begun reading in the vaults.

Soon he found the section he needed and levitated a scroll of parchment and writing tools to him so he could note down what was important and what he would need to find.

Without him noticing hours passed and, in what seemed like the blink of an eye, he found himself listening to the midnight bell.

He looked around, a bit dazed at the darkness that had taken hold of his room and decided he should probably retire and continue his work the next day.

He carefully put his notes and books away in the hidden chest at the back of his wardrobe before locking and hiding it with a spell.

After that he let himself fall onto his bed, underneath his warm blankets and despite his still buzzing mind, quickly fell asleep.

* * *

It felt like he had only been asleep five minutes when Jonathan woke him.

He groaned and tried to turn away from the offending morning light, tugging on his blankets. His servant, however, knew him well and just took hold of his blankets and tugged harder.

_God, this is annoying!_ Merlin thought, feeling a new level of comprehension at Arthur's morning grumpiness.

"Sorry Si- Merlin. But the Council meeting is in an hour and you have to get ready for it."

As if that was a good enough reason to get Merlin up, listening to nobles complain about silly unimportant matters…

"Breakfast is ready for you." Jonathan added after a few minutes. A very polite way to remind him that he had to get up.

"Fine, fine, I'm up."

With a yawn he walked to his table were the usual food was presented in a perfect way.

Merlin helped himself to sausages and bread and at the first mouthful truly noticed how famished he felt. He realized that he hadn't eaten dinner the previous evening.

"Well, you're hungry this morning." Jonathan commented before blushing at his impertinence.

Merlin laughed at his servant's shocked look and interrupted the oncoming apologize with a shake of his hand.

"I missed dinner." He explained. "Come sit down, there's still enough for both of us."

The servant was still self-conscious but was finally getting used to being invited to his master's table every morning.

Half an hour later and Merlin was ready, making his way to the royal chambers to catch up with Gwen and Arthur before the meeting.

He chose to ignore the king falsely shocked expression at seeing Merlin actually on time as he greeted Gwen with a friendly hug.

"Well, it looks like miracles can happen." Arthur commented. "You are on time."

"Very funny Arthur." Merlin answered.

"Boys." Gwen interrupted before things could get out of hand. "I think we should go to the council room to wait for the other councilmen."

"Yes, of course."

Both men dutifully followed the queen through the castle halls. One thing leading to another, conversation fell to Gwaine's injury and Merlin was reminded of the fact that he hadn't told the king that Alice knew of his magic. He cringed inwardly.

He waited until the three of them were sat alone around the council table before speaking up.

"There was something I had to tell you actually."

"Oh, I don't like it when you begin like that." Arthur said, already pinching the bridge of his nose. "Don't tell me you broke another magical crystal that released another magical creature into my castle."

"That happened only once!" Merlin exclaimed. "Well, okay, twice, but it wasn't just my fault!" He amended at Arthur's raised eyebrow. "And it isn't that."

He interrupted himself to clear his throat.

"Merlin." Arthur said, clearly getting impatient.

"Alice knows I have magic." He finally announced, bracing himself for the king's reaction.

For minutes, complete silence fell on the room as Arthur stared at Merlin.

"You told her?" He finally asked.

"Well… Hum… Not really but she knows anyway. And she's taken it really well." He added for good measure.

"What do you mean not really? Did she catch you using it? I thought we agreed on the fact that you had to stay discreet about it so our enemies wouldn't know!" Arthur exclaimed, getting worked up at the thought of the warlock's carelessness in such an important matter.

"No! No! Look, it doesn't matter how she found out! She did and she's okay with it and I would have actually told her soon…"

"Merlin…" Arthur insisted.

The warlock sighed. It was too much to hope for Arthur to let the matter go so easily.

"Gwaine told her." He muttered lowly.

"What?"

"Gwaine told her." He repeated a bit louder, making Gwen gasp.

"What! How could he?" Arthur asked, anger flooding his eyes as he got up. "I'm going to throw him in the dungeon and throw away the key!"

"Arthur!" Merlin cried out, also getting up. "He didn't mean to and, as I said, I would have told her anyway so it really isn't a problem!"

The king opened his mouth to answer just as the door opened to let a guard enter. He froze at the sight of the two men standing nose to nose, angrily staring at each other before physically shaking himself.

"I'm sorry to interrupt my Lord but the councilmen are here."

Arthur kept glaring at Merlin for another minute before taking a deep breath and turning towards the waiting man.

"Find. Let them enter." He then sat dramatically down on his chair.

Gwen put a hand on his arm as she sent Merlin an apologizing look. The warlock shrugged before settling himself down just as the councilmen enter the room, unaware of the tense atmosphere.

* * *

**As ever, do not hesitate to leave me any comments at all! I'll love them!**

**I also take this opportunity to send my love to any Belgium reader out there 3.**

**Read you soon !**


	27. Chapter 26

_**Hello everyone!**_

_**Time for another new chapter! I hope you will like it!**_

_**I didn't receive much reviews for last chapter but I hope it is not because I'm boring you all to death... Anyway, I take the opportunity to thank mersan123 and LFB72 for their continued support (without mentioning the superb art the later did for me :D).**_

_**Anyway, bare with me and enjoy the new chapter!**_

* * *

**Chapter 26:**

To an outside observer Arthur looked completely calm and absorbed in the debate between Lord Simon and Wallace over grain redistribution but, in reality, he was far from both. He was still fuming about what Merlin just had told him and, despite the relative importance of the subject discussed, couldn't find it in himself to think about anything else.

How could Gwaine have betrayed them like that? And why was Merlin so calm and forgiving about it? They were talking about the most important secret in all of Camelot. Their secret advantage. Merlin's and the kingdom's security!

He knew that the warlock had said he trusted Alice and would have told her anyway but he still thought they should have discussed it beforehand. It was not a decision to be made so lightly. He scowled inwardly, glad that years of training allowed him to keep an impassible front.

"Your Highness?" Lord Simon's voice interrupted his internal musing. "What is your opinion?"

Arthur cleared his throat and fought the guilty blush that wanted to rise on his cheeks. He definitely had missed most of the conversation there. Luckily he was saved by Gwen.

"I think both of your opinions have to be taken into consideration. However we must not forget that equality is the key to people happiness. We have to calculate the needs of everyone so no one feels privileged. We should send knights to conduct interviews through the lower town and villages to know precisely how much each of them need from us." She answered as if she was the one being asked and not her husband.

Both statesmen nodded even if Lord Simon didn't look quite happy with the Queen's decision. Arthur felt his temper rise. He really was tired of those nobles not trusting her opinion on anything.

"I agree. Leon, you will be in charge of this. I trust you will manage to organize everything within the two next months?" He added, his voice hard with his internal anger.

"Of course my Lord."

"Good. What else?" Arthur asked, hoping that there would be nothing.

No such luck. Another lord began talking and Arthur's thoughts once more drifted.

* * *

"You know, you should really pay more attention in these meetings Arthur." Gwen said when the last of the councilmen left more than an hour later.

They were alone in the room, Merlin having left before any of them had the time to stop him, claiming he had work to do. Arthur suspected it had more to do with him wanted to avoid any possible arguments about a certain knight telling a certain secret to a certain woman without anyone telling a certain king.

"I'm sorry. I know. It's just…"

"You were thinking about what Merlin said." Gwen finished for him.

Arthur nodded and she took his hand.

"Why are you so mad about this?" She asked, observing him.

"I'm not… Well. Okay. Maybe I'm a bit mad. Gwaine didn't have to tell her! Especially not without consulting with Merlin or I beforehand!"

"So you're angry because you weren't included?" She summarized with a smile.

"No! It's not that! I just don't like the idea of how easy it was for him to tell someone like that! What if she was a spy? That's Merlin's secret! His most important secret!"

Gwen sighed softly.

"Well, first, I think we don't know exactly what happened and, second, if Merlin trusts her then I do too. That's probably why Gwaine told her. He wouldn't betray Merlin just like that to anyone. And third, if Merlin's not angry than I don't think we should be."

Arthur frowned at her. What was it with Merlin and Gwen that made them so forgiving?

But he had to admit that he did see her point. In a very twisted way, it even made sense.

"Fine. Fine. I still think he is going to be on night guard duties for the next month."

Gwen laughed and shook her head.

"I guess that's the best I can ask." She commented before kissing him lightly. "Don't you have training soon, my Lord?"

Arthur smiled. At least, that would help ease his nerves.

* * *

As expected, training did wonders on the king's mood and, at the end of it, he almost felt like he wouldn't scold Gwaine next time he saw the man.

"I think those new recruits are doing very well, don't you?" Leon commented as he went to fetch his water skin next to Arthur.

"Indeed. We may get something out of them." He smiled.

"And with Merlin's _help,_ I'm sure we all have a bright future in front of us." Leon added.

"Yes. Yes… It's weird, isn't it? To think that Merlin is a help now…. I'm still not sure I'm used to it."

Leon laughed. "Well, in any case he takes the job very seriously. I caught him studying in the vault last night. I think he was going to stay there all night."

"Really? He didn't mention anything to me. In fact, I thought he was almost done with his work there…"

Both men exchanged a suspicious look.

"He said he was doing researches on protection spells and things like that."

Arthur hummed. It seemed a likely explanation. Intuition, however, told him something was going on there. He had noticed that Merlin had also seemed distracted during the meeting. And he had been in a hurry to leave…

"Well, I guess I'll have to check on that research then." Arthur decided and left with a nod to his first knight.

* * *

After stopping in his chambers to get rid of his training gear, Arthur took the well-worn path towards his court advisor chambers.

For the sake of teaching Merlin a lesson in good manners, he knocked and waited a few seconds before entering.

He found Merlin sitting at his working table surrounded by books and parchments, looking just slightly flustered. As if he was hiding something. Arthur's eyes narrowed as they went over the various supplies that were messing the place up.

"Ah Merlin!" He exclaimed, walking in the room to sit next to his friend, eyes still roaming over the books as discreetly as he could. Obviously they were written in the Old Religion so he had no hope to actually understanding anything that was written there.

"Leon told me you were working on protection spells! I thought I would check to see how you were getting on!"

Merlin looked nonplussed for a good minute before his eyes widened in silent revelation.

"Yes! Protection spells, yes! I… Hum… I found them in a book in the vault and am doing more research on them…"

The tone of his voice told Arthur all he needed to know.

"Of course Merlin. And how is it going?"

"Fine! Good! Perfect. I still have… things… to check…"

Arthur inwardly sighed. Did Merlin really think he was that stupid? He let himself fall back in the chair and just stared at Merlin. The younger man began fidgeting, obviously more and more uncomfortable as silence spread in the room.

"Don't you have… um… things… to do, Arthur?" He finally asked, looking far too eager to get rid of the king.

Arthur crossed his arms regally.

"No. No I don't think so. I think I'll wait here until you tell me the truth instead."

Merlin's eyes widened as he gaped at Arthur.

"What are you talking about Arthur? There's no truth to tell."

Arthur didn't say anything but just waited, eyes never leaving his friend.

"Is this still about Gwaine? I told you everything there is to say, really."

"It's not about Gwaine." Arthur said.

"Then what?" Merlin asked, also crossing his arms.

"Tell me what you are really working on." Arthur demanded. Merlin opened his mouth to answer but the king cut him off before he could say anything. "And don't say protection spells because we both know that's not true. If it was then you would have told me the moment you found them."

Merlin clamped his mouth shut, looking down at his lap.

"So. The truth?"

Silence fell once more in the room but Arthur was willing to wait. He had had to learn patience when dealing with Merlin.

"Fine." Merlin finally sighed, admitting his defeat with dropping shoulders. "It's not protection spells."

"Right. Then what is it?" Arthur prompted when it looked like the warlock wouldn't elaborate more.

"I'm looking into a ritual to call dragons to me."

"Don't you already know how to do that?" Arthur frowned.

"I do but I want to do it on a bigger scale."

"Why?"

"Because I think there might still be dragons alive, hiding in human forms." Merlin said, eyes piercing Arthur's.

"How?" The king gaped after a few minutes of shocked silence.

Merlin pushed himself up and began pacing with restless energy.

"Well, it seems only logical doesn't it? If you were a dragonlord, knew you were a target, knew that Uther wanted you and the dragons to disappear but that you had the perfect disguise ready, wouldn't you do it?" He said and Arthur could see how convinced the warlock already was.

"But Kilgharrah would have known about it, wouldn't he?"

Merlin shook his head. "No, it's quite possible it happened after he already was captured. He wouldn't have known about it and he says that once a dragon is human he wouldn't be able to feel their mind anymore."

The king thought about it. It was true that it all seemed pretty logical. Something was still bothering him.

"So you want to call them to you." Merlin nodded, sitting back down. "Then why didn't you just tell me?"

The warlock sighed.

"I don't know… I just feel that this is something I have to do alone. I am the last of the dragonlords Arthur. Not you. This is my duty."

The king observed his friend, saw the eagerness to prove himself, recognized the look in his eyes as one he had seen only too often in his own when Uther was still alive. He nodded.

"Fine. I understand."

"Really?" Arthur didn't understand why his friend sounded so doubtful.

"Yes. Really. But I want you to promise me something… If you need anything, and I mean anything, you tell me. Or one of the knights. Or Gwen. Whoever. You don't have to do everything alone anymore, okay? And you keep me updated."

Merlin nodded.

"Promise?"

"Promise." Merlin confirmed and Arthur thought it was good enough for the moment, even if his intuition didn't really stop nagging at him that there was still more.

* * *

_**So, did Arthur surprise you? He kind of surprised me XD.**_

_**Leave a little review if you want? I'd be very happy to know what you think!**_


	28. Chapter 27

_**Hello!**_

_**Okay, okay, really, I do not know why I did not post a chapter earlier. I truly have no excuses this time except pure laziness (and potentially my Daredevil obsession that appeared recently).**_

_**But, be assured that I also spent some time working on this story and I also spent some time reworking an original story that I plan to post on Inkitt and FictionPress (even if two versions of it already exist there).**_

_**Anyway, I hope you will like the chapter and do not hesitate to leave a review, no matter how small because it begins to feel like no one is reading this story anymore...**_

**_I promise that I will not take so much time again to post a chapter and if I do, please do send me a PM._**

**_Enjoy !_**

* * *

Chapter 27:

Merlin watched Arthur leave with a new level of appreciation in his eyes.

He had not expected Arthur to simply accepted the fact that Merlin would want to conduct his research alone and unaided that easily. He had expected to have to fight tooth and nail in order to be allowed to pursue his course of action. And yet Arthur had seemed oddly understanding.

The warlock shrugged to himself. He was not going to refuse such a gift.

And, in truth, he knew he had not been totally honest with his friend as he had totally failed to mention the potential danger he would be exposing himself too.

Well, what Arthur didn't know couldn't hurt him, could it?

With that thought his mind, he turned back to the books in front of him. He was now quite sure of how he was going to enhance his powers. The only problems were that it necessitated a lot of ingredients and time. And patience was not one of his stronger quality.

He once again read the list of herbs in front of him. Most of them he didn't have and knew he would have to travel a distance to obtain them all. But that was easily done.

The different instruments he needed would also be relatively easy to find, especially with the new trade links with the druids.

What he was more worried about however was the water from the Crystal Cave and the unicorn blood. The idea of approaching those two things again made him wary. Especially the Crystal Cave. He didn't want to think about what happened the last time he went there. But he needed to go there. The cave was the birth place of magic and, therefore, one of the most important parts of the spell he was going to perform on himself.

He pushed himself up and decided to take one problem at the time. First the easily acquired stuff and then the rest.

Nodding to himself, he left his room to find the druid leader of the nearby tribe.

* * *

"Emrys." A feminine voice greeted in his head as he passed the wards surrounding the druid encampment.

"Galena." He answered out loud, nodding at the middle-aged woman that was walking his way.

She was wearing an earth-colored dress and a head scarf that reminded him of his mother.

"We didn't have a meeting scheduled, did we?" She asked, even if he knew that she already knew the answer to the question.

"No. We didn't. I am here on a more personal subject."

She nodded with a soft smile and indicated her tent with an arm.

"Let's talk inside then."

Merlin followed her and waited until she was settled before sitting on the ground in front of her, accepting the cup of herbal tea she proposed him.

"What can we help you with Emrys?"

The warlock had to stop himself from, once more, asking her to call him Merlin.

"I need your help to find some plants and instruments." He announced before fetching the roll of parchment he had brought with him and on which he had written everything he needed.

The druid leader took the paper and studied the list. She hummed.

"I see. This can be done. But I have to ask what you want to do with these."

"I'm sure you already have an idea." Merlin smiled softly.

"A power enhancement ritual. What I don't understand is why. You are already the more powerful being to ever walk this earth."

Merlin ducked his head, feeling a blush rising on his face. He didn't like to be reminded of this particular fact.

"I know. But it's not enough to perform the dragon calling ritual."

The woman in front of him observed him with piercing eyes that revealed nothing of her inner thoughts. The silence lasted for many minutes. Merlin sipped his tea to stop himself from fidgeting.

"Both rituals are very dangerous." She finally said. "I wouldn't recommend that you perform them alone."

Merlin nodded, he had expected reticence.

"I am aware of that. And willing to take the risks as the benefits could very well outweigh them."

"I can see that you are determined and that nothing I can say would make you change your mind." Galena finally said. "We will help you find what you need."

"Thank you."

Galena simply nodded to him and Merlin took it as his cue to leave.

He exited the tent only to find himself surrounded by twenty children of various ages, all looking as if they had been waiting for him.

"Emrys! Emrys! Show us magic!" Two of them asked and the others clapped hands.

Merlin laughed. He knew this would happen. It always did whenever he visited the tribe. Galena had explained to him that the children could feel his magic and would always be attracted by it.

It felt weird to be the center of attention but Merlin had to admit that was also heart-warming to be able to entertain the children with simple spells. It made him wish he could do it so openly in Camelot.

* * *

It was only a week later that a bird perched on Merlin's window, a small note attached to its left leg. He eagerly opened it and learned that everything he had required was waiting for him. He smiled.

"Good news?" Gwen asked from where she was sitting at the table.

"Very." Merlin answered as he sat back down without further explanations.

The queen observed him as she took a sip of wine. They had been sharing lunch as they often did but her friend had seemed pre-occupied.

"What is on you mind Merlin?"

"Nothing Gwen."

"I've noticed you were distracted the last week. And Arthur wouldn't tell me why even though I'm sure he knows."

Merlin relaxed on his chair. There was really no bluffing his friend.

"It's just a project I'm working on Gwen, nothing to worry about."

"You're sure of that?"

"Positive." Merlin confirmed. "Now, you tell me what I missed during the last council meeting."

Gwen watched him for a few more seconds before launching herself in the tale of another endless meeting. The warlock only distractedly listened to her, thinking back to the reason why he had missed this particular meeting.

He had gone to find Anhora.

The elderly keeper had been more than difficult to find and it had been even harder to convince him to give Merlin a small amount of unicorn blood. The warlock had had to promise on Arthur's life that he wouldn't use it for anything else but to temporarily enhance his powers to call the dragons to him and that he would destroy any that was left over.

Merlin was uncomfortable with dealing on Arthur's life but he knew it was the only thing that would prove his good-will to the man. And he also knew that there was no risk at all of him using the blood for anything else. He was well-aware of what taking unicorn blood entailed.

Now, he only had one more thing to find and then he would be able to leave Camelot to prepare the required potions and perform the rituals.

He shuddered slightly at the thoughts of having to go to the Crystal Cave.

"Merlin?" Gwen's voice interrupted his musing.

"Yes. Sorry Gwen, I guess I was lost in my mind for a moment."

The queen shook her head fondly.

"Well, whatever this project of yours, I hope you will succeed. Because you've definitely put a lot of work and thoughts in it."

Merlin felt himself blush. He truly had meant to keep his attention on Gwen. He was just so impatient to see if he could find other dragons.

"I'm sorry Gwen."

"It's fine Merlin. I'd better leave you anyway. I have to overlook the training of new maids."

The warlock nodded and led Gwen to the door and hugged her before she left. The door was only closed for a few seconds before he began preparing a bag. He wanted to leave the next day for the Crystal Cave. He just had to convince Arthur to let him miss another council meeting.

* * *

_**So, how did you like this? **_


	29. Chapter 28

_**Hello everyone!**_

_**Yes, yes a new chapter, and not even that late! (am I not getting better?)**_

_**I want one more to thank you all for reading and following and reviewing this story! You are all my stars!**_

_**And special thanks to my beta again for her hard work!**_

_**And without further ado, enjoy!**_

* * *

**Chapter 28:**

One week of night guard duty and Gwaine was beginning to think that he had been sufficiently punished.

Not that he had stopped feeling guilty or anything. He just felt that it wasn't the princess' right to punish him. The offence had been done to Merlin after all.

The fact that he had not been able to visit the tavern once in the past week had nothing to do with it either. Obviously.

He was reflecting on these thoughts while keeping his post near the front gate after a long and boring night when he saw a shadow move in the corner of his eye.

It had been almost unnoticeable. In fact, he probably wouldn't have even noticed it if Merlin had not spent some time training the knights to see the unnoticeable, arguing that it was far too easy to enter the castle undetected.

That's why, trusting his instincts, he silently drew his sword and headed towards the moving shadow.

He kept his feet silent as he crept from shadow to shadow, only vaguely registering that he was not heading towards the castle but away from it.

He bid his time until finally the shadow took the form of a hooded person in the flickering light of the stables torches.

Gwaine jumped ahead and threatened the figure's back with his sword, applying enough pressure for the tip to be felt without hurting.

"Reveal yourself!" He ordered.

The man's shoulders dropped in defeat and the hood of his dark cloak was lowered to reveal a familiar mop of dark hair.

"Merlin!" The knight exclaimed hastily putting his sword away. "What are you doing creeping around like that? I could have run you through!"

The young man in front of him looked down, obviously uncomfortable.

"Well… I was… Hum… Checking on my horse!"

Gwaine arched an eyebrow and nodded to the bag he had just noticed at his friend's side.

"And you obviously need that for it. In case you get lost on the way of course."

Merlin let out a small forced laugh.

"You know me… Anything could happen."

Gwaine sighed, crossing his arms on his chest.

"I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't lie to me like that Merlin."

At least Merlin had the decency to look chastised.

"I'm sorry Gwaine."

"I'll consider pardoning you if you tell me what's really going on with you." He declared even if he knew he wasn't really mad with the younger man.

He just wanted Merlin to trust him. Again. Even after everything that had happened recently.

"Fine. Fine. I have somewhere I need to go and I want to leave as soon as possible."

"Where?"

"The Crystal Cave." Merlin mumbled.

"What? I thought you hated this place! Why do you want to go?"

"I just need water from there for a potion."

"For a potion." Gwaine repeated dubiously.

He may not know much about magic but he had listened to Merlin's stories if nothing else. So he knew that the Crystal Cave was the birth place to magic and that anything in it was more than powerful… And that only bad things arrived there.

"What sort of potion?"

"Gwaine!" The warlock whined.

"No Merlin. I want to know or I'll have to officially stop you and take you before the king. I'm sure dear Arthur won't like it any more than me that you are leaving alone, in the middle of the night to go to one of the places you hate the most."

"I don't really hate it… It just… Makes my magic restless."

"Merlin…" Gwaine interrupted.

"There really is no way around this, is it?"

"Nope. It's either you tell me or we go see Arthur."

Of course, Merlin could also choose to use his magic to escape but the knight knew his friend would never do that.

"This really isn't fair."

The drunkard just watched him expectantly.

"It's a magic-enhancing potion."

For a moment, Gwaine thought he hadn't heard well.

"Why would you need that?"

Merlin took a step back to lean against the stable wall, his face falling in the shadows.

"Because I want to perform a ritual that requires more magic than even I possess."

"Then why do you want to do it?"

"Because I want to bring dragons back!"

The admission sounded as if Merlin hadn't wanted to reveal it and made Gwaine gape at him.

"What?"

And that was how the knight learned of Merlin's stupidly dangerous but brave plan to call the dragons, even in their human forms.

"You really think it can work? That there really still are dragons out there?"

Merlin nodded.

"I'm sure of it."

"Fine. I'll go with you then."

And with that Gwaine made his way to the stable's door, ready to prepare his horse. He had to admit that he had been itching for some adventure recently. And spending time with Merlin seemed to be a good way to work on building trust back between them.

"What?" He heard the warlock exclaimed as he opened the door with a loud creak. "You can't!"

"Really? Why not?" The knight asked. "Of course I won't go in there with you but I'm sure my horse will like the work out. And it will make a nice change for me, watching a gate no one walks through during the night."

Merlin opened and closed his mouth a few times with no answer coming forth.

"That's what I thought. I'm coming then."

And with that both men entered the stables and saddled their horses, leaving just as the first rays of sun appeared at the horizon.

* * *

"So… How mad will Arthur be when he finds out about this?" Gwaine asked after an hour of silent riding.

Merlin shrugged.

"I left a note."

Gwaine laughed out loud.

"Yeah, we'll definitely spend some time in the dungeon you and I."

He saw Merlin smile next to him and was suddenly remembered that it was a rare occurrence these days.

"Glad it makes you happy."

Merlin shook his head, the corner of his mouth still up.

"He's not going to put us in the dungeon. And even if he does, I'll break us out."

"You rebel!"

"Well, I was never able to do what I'm told."

Gwaine smiled, silently agreeing as they carried on their way through the forest.

"How far is it?" He asked when they stopped to water the horses another hour later.

"Not too far. Couple hours I'd say." Merlin answered, his hand stroking his mare side.

Gwaine nodded.

"How dangerous is it really? The ritual?"

The question had been burning his tongue since the beginning of their journey.

A shrug met his question and Gwaine thought that Merlin wouldn't answer.

"Dangerous enough I guess. It has never been done by a single sorcerer. Usually it is done by a combination of dragonlords and powerful sorcerers or warlocks."

"Hence the potion."

The warlock nodded.

"Well, I can't say I like the idea but I think I understand why you want to do it and you can count on me." The knight decided.

"Thank you Gwaine… We'd better go now."

They mounted back up and carried on their way at a leisured pace until, finally, they reached a dense part of the forest that covered the entry of a small clearing which, at the back of it, had the entrance to a cave.

The knight saw Merlin shiver and thought he himself felt as if the air had shifted somehow.

They dismounted slowly and attached their horses to nearby trees.

"Well… That's it." Merlin announced.

"Looks like a normal cave to me."

The warlock smiled softly.

"Trust me, it is anything but normal." He seemed to hesitate for a moment, watching the cave with an unreadable expression. "I'd better go. The sooner this is done, the better."

Gwaine nodded.

"Be careful Merlin."

The younger man nodded and stepped forward. He found a branch and lit it with a flash of golden eyes.

Gwaine watched as he then went into the cave, feeling his gut churn with unease. He wasn't sure he liked this place very much and couldn't wait to leave.

* * *

_**Come on, tell me what you think, don't be shy, I don't bite :)**_

_**Read you soon!**_


	30. Chapter 29

**_Hello everyone ! _**

**_Here it is, a new chapter !_**

**_I hope you will like it ! _**

**_Anyway, not much to say except thank you all for keeping up with me ! Your reviews help me keeping motivated ! Please, carry on !_**

**_And before leaving you with it I can't stop myself to ask you : did any of you see that new Star Trek Beyond trailer? Are you as excited as me? I'm loving it!_**

**_Well this is it! Enjoy the chapter and leave a note if you want ;)_**

* * *

**Chapter 29:**

Throughout the morning Merlin couldn't decide whether he was annoyed by Gwaine's presence or not.

He had wanted to go and face the Crystal Cave alone. He didn't know why it was so important to him, perhaps a misplaced sense of pride or a will to prove that he could do things by himself, contrary to what most people thought. Either way, it was for him alone to face.

He also hadn't wanted to reveal his plans to Gwaine but had been so irritated at being caught and the subsequent interrogation, that he had just blurted it all out.

A part of him even felt rather proud that his training of the knights had worked so well.

He had hoped that his friend would just let him go but he had also known that it would be impossible to try to convince him otherwise. After all, Gwaine had never been anything but protective of him. Not that it wasn't nice, but Merlin just wished that sometimes he could do things on his own.

However, as the morning progressed and the knight kept himself remarkably discreet, the warlock found himself relaxing, enjoying the calm energy of a waking forest; when Gwaine asked about Arthur's future reaction, he couldn't fight the smile that overcame his features.

Maybe it wasn't too bad to have a friend travel with him after all. And it was also nice to know he had his support even if it was obvious that Gwaine worried about his plan.

Merlin was shaken from his musing by a slight shift in the atmosphere. A shift that no one except a magic user would notice. They were nearing the Crystal Caves.

And, sure enough, only a few minutes later they arrived in the clearing in front of them.

The young warlock could feel his magic rolling under his skin, reacting to the old power infused in the earth and air around him. It made him shiver. He took a deep calming breathe and dismounted, leading his mare to a nearby tree to attach her.

"Well… This is it."

"Looks like a normal cave to me." Gwaine commented as he took in his surroundings curiously, as if expecting fireworks or something to happen.

Merlin let out a small smile.

"Trust me, it is anything but normal." He hesitated for a moment, feeling anxious at the idea of entering the place. "I'd better go. The sooner this is done, the better."

"Be careful Merlin."

The warlock nodded in acknowledgement and stepped slowly forward.

He spotted a fallen tree branch and bent down to pick it up before lighting it with a spell. Once more, he forced a deep breath in his lungs before carrying on.

Soon, he found himself in the damp shade of the cave's entrance and felt a ripple of power course through his body, making him gasp.

Immediately, he felt the pull of the crystals nestled further inside the cave and it took all his will to ignore it.

He forced his eyes to stay firmly on the ground as he walked, following the slight downward path that lead deeper into the rocks.

The atmosphere was getting more and more oppressing the longer he walked. It felt as if the walls were closing in on him and that his head was full of whispers urging him to _look_, to _touch_, to _feel the power¸_ _to see the future and the past._ It made him shudder.

Concentrating on his task, he managed to hear the sound of running water and followed it. The echo of his footsteps was the only indication that he had reached an opening inside the rock.

He steeled himself and carefully looked around himself. The natural bluish light of the cave was more useful in illuminating his way than his torch so he rapidly spotted a small rock formation in which water gathered.

He carefully made his way there and uncorked his empty water flask with shaking fingers before submerging it in the clear water.

Merlin could very clearly feel the power radiating from it as his skin touched the water and it felt as if the pull of the crystals was only getting stronger.

He closed his eyes as he waited for the water skin to fill, willing himself to just resist for a few more minutes. He felt sweat run down his face and his back as he clenched all his muscles as if he could physically stop himself from obeying and looking into the rocks.

Finally, after agonizingly long seconds, bubbles stopped escaping from the water skin and Merlin quickly pulled it out and firmly closed it before harshly rubbing his hand dry on his trousers' leg.

Once that was done, he let out a small relieved sigh and turned back towards where he'd come, eager to leave.

Only then did he find himself face to face with a glowing blue crystal.

Before he had time to understand what was happening he was looking into it.

_He saw fire. And destruction. _

_Camelot's red banner disappearing in ashes._

_He saw dragons facing each other, roaring to the skies. _

_He felt pain and desperation. _

_He felt hope and love._

_He saw a dozen different dragons bowing to a man with dark hair._

Merlin physically wrenched himself from the vision, hurriedly taking a step back before running towards the entrance of the cave as quickly as he could, ignoring the painful pounding of his heart and the roar of blood in his ears, fighting the shaking of his limbs and tears that made their way down his face from the mix of emotions that were still coursing through his head.

Finally, he saw daylight ahead and forced a final bout of energy into his race. He burst out of the cave not stopping until he was at the opposite end of the clearing.

Only then did he allow himself to stop and fell on his knees, panting, tears cascading down his face.

He rubbed at them angrily, cursing himself for his carelessness. He should have known he wouldn't be able to escape the crystal's visions.

He almost jumped out of his skin when a hand landed on his shoulder.

"Merlin! You okay? What's wrong?"

He heard the panic in his friend's voice and cursed himself even more. This was why he hadn't wanted anyone with him.

Flashes of the crystal's vision kept plaguing him as he shook and panted.

"Merlin!" Gwaine cried out again, shaking him.

"I… I'm fine." He managed to ground out.

"You don't look like it. You look like you've seen a ghost! What happened in there?"

Merlin would probably have felt touched by the concern radiating by his friend if he was not trying so hard to lock the visions in a corner of his mind and calm his heart and breathing.

"Nothing." He answered shortly and shook Gwaine's comforting hand off.

He forced his shaking legs into cooperation and stood up.

"Let's go."

He saw his friend gape at him and ignored him. He had no intention of discussing what had happened with the knight. Or with anyone else for that matter. He just wanted to forget about it.

He didn't want to believe all the pain and destruction that would again come to pass.

He wanted even less to think that he would be the cause of it.

* * *

_**So what do you think?**_


	31. Chapter 30

_**Hello, hello my dear readers!**_

_**I hope you are all well and happy!**_

**_It is time for a new Lighting A Flame chapter! And look at that! Chapter 30! I can't even imagine how this is possible XD! I hope, however, that you are still enjoying the story! I, personally, like this chapter pretty much!_**

**_Once more, I want to thank you all fore reading and reviewing and liking this story! And thank my fabulous Beta for her awesome work ! _**

**_Read you soon (with a one shot ;) )_**

* * *

**Chapter 30:**

Chapter 30:

Gwaine had always thought that nothing could be longer then an uneventful night on guard duty.

Well, his opinion changed as he waited for Merlin to come out of the Crystal Caves.

Rationally, he knew that less than half an hour had passed since the warlock had entered but to the knight it already felt like an eternity.

Maybe the mystical atmosphere exuded by the cave and it's clearing where making him anxious, even without really feeling the magic that saturated the air.

He found himself pacing back and forth, surveying the surroundings, checking on the horses, then going near the cave, hoping he would hear what was going on inside.

He resisted the urge to simply go and find out. He had promised Merlin he wouldn't enter, that he would let the warlock do his thing unaided.

However, that didn't mean he had to like it. He couldn't help his protectiveness for his friend even if he understood why the young man wanted to prove himself.

To stop his nervous movement as he sat near the horses, found a broken branch and began carving with his pocket knife. He didn't have any form in mind but just wanted to occupy himself. _How big was this cave that Merlin was taking so long? _

* * *

He was on his third carved branch when he finally heard the distinctive sound of pounding feet.

He jumped up, heartrate picking up, and shifted his hold on his knife just as Merlin burst out of the cave. His face was white and he was visibly shaking as he clumsily crossed the clearing only to fall to his knees. Gwaine could hear his frantic breathing and what sounding like sobs puncturing the previously quiet clearing.

The knight wanted to run towards him but he stayed where he was, eyes fixed on the cave, expecting an awful magical monster to come roaring out of it. When nothing happened after a few minutes of waiting, he turned back and ran towards Merlin who was rubbing at his face to stop the tears still escaping his eyes.

"Merlin! You okay? What's wrong?" He asked, putting a hand on his friend's shoulder.

He felt the muscles underneath his hand tense and shake but no answer came forth as the warlock's eyes were glazed over, obviously not registering his surroundings. It only augmented Gwaine's worry and panic.

"Merlin!" The knight insisted, shaking the kneeling man.

"I… I'm fine." Merlin finally answered but it sounding anything but fine. His voice was shaky and far-away as if he wasn't really there and his eyes were still not focused.

"You don't look like it. You look like you've seen a ghost! What happened in there?" Gwaine asked, hoping to distract his friend from whatever was on his mind.

It took a few seconds before Merlin shook his hand away.

"Nothing." He said and pushed himself up, hands clenched at his side to stop them, in vain, from shaking. "Let's go."

Gwaine opened his mouth to protest but Merlin's closed off expression stopped him from saying anything.

He had seen that face only too often the past year and it couldn't mean anything good. However, he knew that his friend wouldn't talk about it. Not so soon anyway.

So the knight squared his shoulders and followed Merlin's tense form. They quickly detached their horses and mounted, leaving the clearing and its cave alone with its secrets.

* * *

The ride back was silent and tense. More than any ride had ever been in the last six months.

Gwaine kept searching for something to say but was discouraged each time he turned towards Merlin. It was obvious from the look on his face that the warlock didn't want to talk about what happened and that whatever it was; it was bothering him more than he wanted to admit it.

His hands kept clenching and unclenching the reins and, his horse feeling his restlessness, began shaking its head back and forth as if wanting to dislodge a bothersome fly.

Merlin, however, didn't seem to notice it. He seemed once again lost in his thoughts, eyes vague, mouth set in a tight line.

Gwaine was almost thankful when they emerged from the dense forest into the bright midday sun to see the white turrets of Camelot on the horizon. Usually, Merlin always smiled at the sight, like a child seeing his favorite toy, but this time it was like nothing had changed around them. He didn't even glance at the castle.

The knight shook his head. It felt like they were back in the days after Gaius died. He didn't like it. At all.

They arrived in the castle an hour later and put their horses back in their stables under the surprised glances of the stable hands. Before Gwaine had the time to say anything more, Merlin disappeared through the doors, probably back to his chambers.

The knight let out a defeated sigh. He had been hoping that this trip would help his relationship with Merlin but, at the moment, it didn't really look like it.

He wondered what he should do. Doing nothing and letting Merlin deal with whatever happened wasn't an option. But he wasn't sure his help would be welcome.

He could go and tell Arthur what happened but that felt like another betrayal to his friend's trust.

He hung his head, feeling suddenly exhausted.

Merlin's horse whined next to him and Gwaine was reminded that he was still standing in the middle of the stables, probably getting in the way of the servants' work.

"Don't worry dear, I will find a solution." He said to the gentle horse, stroking its head before leaving, still wondering what he was going to do.

* * *

He was trudging tiredly up the stairs when someone called his name. He turned to find Percival walking towards him.

"I thought you were asleep! Where are you coming from? I thought you were on guard duty all week." The giant asked with a smile.

"I… Well… I… I was." Gwaine answered, not quite knowing how to answer.

"You're okay Gwaine? You seem out of sorts."

"Yes. Yes. I'm fine! Just tired. Guard duty, you know how it is."

Percival nodded but looked unconvinced.

"Well, you better disappear before Arthur sees you or you'll have to come and train with us!" Percival clapped his huge hand on Gwaine's shoulder and turned back towards the training field.

"Wait!" The drunkard exclaimed. "I… Hum… I have a question for you!"

The sleeveless knight turned back and lifted an eyebrow in invitation to continue.

"Well, it's not really a question. I need some advice…" Gwaine hesitated, praying that this wouldn't count as betrayal. "If you knew something was wrong with someone and knew they wouldn't want you to interfere but you thought they should tell their friends, would you do it in their place?"

Percival frowned at him for a few seconds before crossing his arms.

"What's wrong with Merlin?" He finally asked.

"Merlin? I never said anything about Merlin!" Gwaine panicked.

"Please Gwaine, everyone knows you care about him more than anyone else and he's the only one I could imagine you taking such precautions discussing."

The long-haired knight sighed in defeat.

"Am I really that transparent? No. Don't answer that… I can't tell you what's wrong with Merlin. Mainly because I don't know and that's the problem."

"Have you tried discussing it with him?"

"Well… No… It didn't look like he wanted to discuss anything."

Percival nodded.

"Well, if you want my opinion, I think you should try to discuss it with him before going to anyone else for help." He finally advised.

Gwaine observed his fellow knight for a few moments before nodding.

"Yeah, you're right. I shouldn't let him push me away like that. I'll go talk to him. Thanks mate!"

* * *

_**So? What do you think? My day would be made with a little review!**_


	32. Chapter 31

_**Hello my dear readers!**_

_**I am back! YAY! I hope you didn't miss me too much (of course you didn't ;) )!**_

_**Anyway, I hope you are all well.**_

_**So thank you all for reading and please don't hesitate to leave a little message, you know it makes my day!**_

_**Read you soon!**_

* * *

**Chapter 31:**

Merlin left Gwaine in the stables without a second thought. His mind was already planning ahead.

He had everything he needed for the enhancement potion and the calling ritual. But he knew he couldn't leave just like that. He had no idea exactly how long he would be gone for and he couldn't leave Arthur and Camelot without protection in the meantime. They may be living a time of peace but Merlin had learned that you could never be too cautious. Especially in this kingdom.

Once more, flashes of the crystal's visions echoed in his mind and he shook his head. He couldn't let himself be distracted by them. Gaius had always told him that visions of the future couldn't be trusted. And he had no way of knowing when exactly these visions would come to pass.

He arrived in his chambers to find breakfast for him but no servant in view, which he was grateful for. He disregarded the food and went to his collections of books. He knew that he had one that specialized on protection spells because he had meant to study it before this whole dragon adventure.

When he finally found it, he took it to his nearby reading chair and began pouring over it, looking for spells powerful enough to guard a whole castle if need be without the caster having to be nearby.

He had only been reading for five minutes when the door to his chambers opened. Thinking it was his servant he didn't bother to look up and therefore almost jumped out of his seat when he heard Gwaine's voice.

"Ah! There you are! We need to talk mate."

"Gwaine. I'm kind of busy right now. Can't it wait?" The warlock answered, reaching for a nearby sheet of paper to mark his page with.

"No. I don't think so."

Merlin sighed. He should have known something like this would happen. He forced his eyes up to watch Gwaine sit down in the chair in front of his.

"I want to know what happened to you in the cave."

"Gwaine…"

"No Merlin. Either you tell me now or I go talk to Arthur about it."

"You know, that threat is beginning to become really old."

"I'm sure it still works thought… Talk to me. Please."

Merlin let out a tired breath, rubbing his left hand on his neck.

"Fine. Fine… You remember I told you that the Crystal Cave was the birth place of all magic, right?" Gwaine nodded. "Well, as its name suggests, it also contains crystals…. And with those crystals, you can glimpse the future."

Merlin felt his friend's incredulous stare on him but fixed his eyes on the fire, letting the flames hypnotize him a few seconds.

"What did you see?"

_Fire and destruction. _

_Dragons roaring to the skies. _

_Hope and love._

"Nothing clear..." He hesitated, not wanting to admit the truth out loud. "It looked like dragons were fighting each other."

A heavy silence filled the room, disturbed only by the sound of cracking wood that seemed oddly loud.

"And yet, you still want to go through with your plan." Gwaine wasn't asking a question there.

Merlin pushed himself up.

"Of course I do! Visions of the future cannot be trusted! And whatever I would do to prevent them would only make them happen faster!"

The warlock forced his breath to slow down and sat down.

"Bringing the dragons back it's… It's my sacred responsibility. If I don't do it then no one will. They deserve to live their lives! And they will have to obey me!"

Gwaine raised his arms in surrender.

"Okay. Okay." He looked away for a moment then back, straight at Merlin. "Look. I'm not saying that I entirely agree with the whole plan here but… I trust you. And I want to help you."

Merlin opened his mouth to interrupt his friend. He didn't need help. But Gwaine was already carrying on, holding up a hand.

"I know I have no magic or anything but I've seen how…. Invested you get when you do magic. You will need someone to watch your back. And I want to be that person."

The warlock gaped, touched at his friend's declaration. But he was still unsure. Having Gwaine with him would mean having one more person to worry about. Yet he couldn't deny that something could go wrong and that he might be too distracted to notice.

"And you know our king and queen will never let you leave alone, no matter what."

Merlin rolled his eyes but inwardly admitted that the knight had a point.

"Well… I guess you're right."

Gwaine beamed at him.

"So, you'll take me with you? When do we leave?"

The warlock thought that he might still regret his decision.

"Not right now. First I have to make sure Camelot will be protected in my absence and that could take some time."

"Sure mate. Whenever you're ready."

Merlin thought that Gwaine looked like an overeager puppy.

"It would be earlier if you'd actually let me work."

The warlock said, gesturing towards the door.

"Oh! Yes! Yes, of course. I'll leave you to it!"

He jumped up and almost ran to the door. However, Merlin stopped him before he could get out.

"Gwaine? Just… Thank you."

The knight nodded with a small bow.

"You're welcome my friend."

And then he was out of the door, leaving Merlin alone, shaking his head at the knight's antics.

* * *

The three weeks that followed were hectic.

During the day he carried on his normal duties of Court Advisor, including going to every meetings. Arthur had certainly made it quite clear that warlock or not, there would be hell to pay if he carried on missing meetings, especially as more and more councilmen began wondering where he was going and what he was doing when he wasn't there.

The king had explained that it was better to show up if only to keep them from nosing around too much. And Merlin had no other choice but to agree.

He also took some time to carry on helping Alice settle into her role as physician, deceiving himself into believing that it wasn't so she would be ready in case the dragons really decided to seek vengeance on Camelot before he could do anything to prevent it.

And when all that was done, under the cover of night, he used his powers to implement various protection spells at every strategic point of the citadel and lower town.

As predicted, the book he had found had been very useful and he had used several spells and enchantments from it.

And he was also working on charmed armour for Arthur and the knights and a protective necklace for Gwen to wear, just in case anything happened.

He found himself realizing that he should have done all of this months ago, feeling stupid for not having thought of it.

And more often than not, during his nightly expeditions, he could feel Gwaine's shadow next to his but the man was uncharacteristically discreet enough not to bother Merlin.

It finally dawned on the warlock that this was probably what it would be like to have an older brother. It was a disturbing but warming thought.

* * *

**So, how did you like this?**

**And, for the record, I am currently in total agony because I am waiting for amazon to send me my copy of Harry Potter and the Cursed Child. I didn't remember this entirely unique feeling that can only be felt when Harry Potter is concerned. **


	33. Chapter 32

_**Hello dear readers!**_

_**I thought that after posting out of NOWHERE a Star Trek fanfiction (and probably making some of you a false joy) you deserved quickly a new chapter of this story!**_

_**I noticed that I begun writing it almost 2 years ago! I feel I am not appreciative enough of your patience! THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH!**_

_**And thank you to my Beta too who does constantly a fantastic job!**_

_**As ever, a review would make my day ;)**_

_**Enjoy!**_

* * *

**Chapter 32:**

From the moment Gwaine left Merlin to his old dusty books, the knight began planning what he would have to do to most help his friend. He was determined to do everything he could to protect and assist the warlock.

"Well, you look thoughtful today Sir Gwaine." A voice said, interrupting his musings.

He turned to watch the queen of Camelot walking towards him. He bowed with his best charming smile.

"And you look beautiful my lady." He answered easily.

"You know flattery will get you nowhere, right?"

"It never hurts to try."

"What are you doing here? Are you not supposed to be resting from your night guard duty?"

"I had some things to settle with Merlin first." The knight answered.

"Is he alright?" Gwen asked, suddenly looking concerned. "He missed the council meeting and we couldn't find him anywhere."

"Oh, yes, he's fine. He's just working on a project. I'm sure he'll tell you all about it."

"If you say so. Well, you must excuse me, Gwaine, I have to go find the steward. It looks like I will have to repeat, once again, that servants are not slaves and they are allowed to get sick and be treated for it."

The drunkard laughed.

"Well, good luck with that, I'm sure you'll manage to make an impression."

The former servant smiled and went on her way, leaving Gwaine to go back to his room, back to planning what he would have to do.

* * *

Over the next weeks, the drunkard found himself quietly following Merlin as the warlock made discreet night trips to the lower town or various part of the castle. He watched as his friend's eyes turned gold after whispered incantations.

The knight had to admit that even after all this time, he still felt a childish amazement at seeing magic performed so easily. He found himself wishing that Merlin could be free to use his gift in the open. He could see how natural it was to the young man. Like holding a sword was to him.

It took a little more than a month before, finally, Merlin came to find him. It was one of the rare times when he had allowed himself to go to the tavern to relax for a bit and enjoy the sight of the pretty, newly arrived, barmaid. The warlock came to sit next to him.

"I was thinking to leave in two days." He announced.

Gwaine immediately perked up, straightening his slouched position.

"I'll be ready. Have you told Arthur about it?"

Merlin grimaced.

"No… I'm waiting until the last moment or he will want to come with us and I really can't deal with thinking about protecting him too."

"I can protect myself!" Gwaine protested indignantly making one of Merlin's eyebrow lift.

"Against dragons and magic?"

The knight had to admit his friend had a point there, not that he would acknowledge it.

"That's what I thought. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know in advance. I'm going to head back to the castle. I have a few things to finish."

"You're sure you don't want to stay for a drink?"

Merlin smiled.

"No, thank you Gwaine. I'll see you later."

The knight saluted his friend and watched him leave, noticing the tired slump of the man's posture. He hoped that Merlin will also thinking about getting some rest before they left.

* * *

Two days later, Gwaine had just finished packing his travel bag when a knock resounded in his room.

"I'm ready Merlin! You can enter!" He cried out reaching to retrieve his sword.

He straightened to find not a lanky warlock but none other than the king closing his door.

"Arthur. Sorry. I wasn't expecting you."

The other man said nothing but came to stand in front of the knight, looking deadly serious. Gwaine had to admit that it made him antsy. Mentally, he went over the last day wondering what he had done wrong. He went to training, completed all his duties, stayed polite in the presence of nobles. No, he couldn't see what could warrant such an expression from Arthur.

"Anything happens to him and it's your fault. I trust you know that, right?"

Gwaine hesitated somewhere between laughing and being offended so it took him far too long to answer.

"And I thought that you knew me better than that, Arthur." He stated with an icy glare at the noble.

They both stared at each other unblinkingly. Arthur was the first to deflate, releasing a sigh as he went to sit down on Gwaine's bed.

"I'm sorry Gwaine. It's just…" He paused, looking uncomfortable, eyes wandering across the knight's messily organized belongings. "I don't like this plan of his. Too much can go wrong… What if it is too much? He is already the most powerful magic being out there, what if more will be too much for him? And what if the ritual ki…"

Once more the king interrupted himself but Gwaine knew what he meant. _What if it killed him?_

The drunkard let out a breath. He had also thought all of that. Every possible scenario had run through his head and not many had ended well. But he knew one thing, Merlin would not be discouraged from his plans. And he was strong. Even more when he felt it was his duty to do something.

"I know Arthur." He finally answered. "I've thought about it all too. But you know as well as I do there is nothing we can do to stop Merlin. What I can promise you is that I will do everything I can to keep him safe."

The king nodded.

"I wish I could go with you."

"You know he would be too distracted by protecting you if you did. And if it is of any help, I had to strongly insist for him to let me come."

Nothing more was said as Gwaine secured his sword to his belt and then reached down for his bags.

"Don't worry Arthur. We've gone through worse and come back okay, didn't we?"

The king's eyebrows lifted.

"Really Arthur. I'll keep an eye out and if anything goes wrong I promised I'll find a way to knock him out or something."

At that, Arthur let out a smile ironic laugh.

"I'd like to see you try that." He said, pushing himself up to follow Gwaine out of the room. "But really Gwaine, be careful."

The knight nodded, reaching out to grasp the monarch forearm in a strong grip.

They didn't speak any more words as they made their way to the courtyard where two horses were waiting, Merlin already fixing two heavy looking bags to his horse's saddle.

"Ah finally you're there! What took you so long?"

"Nothing." Gwaine answered, going to his horse and greeting it with an affectionate pat.

He saw Arthur go stand by Merlin.

"Remember what I said. No playing hero. I want you to come home in one piece, okay?"

"Yes, Arthur." The warlock answered, sounding pretty much like a rebellious child.

It made Gwaine laugh. He quickly hid behind his horse to avoid both men's ire.

"I'm ready." He announced when he was sure he wouldn't burst out of laughing again.

"Great. Let's go then. I want to be at the border by nightfall." Merlin announced.

He reached out to saddle his horse when a voice interrupted him.

"You weren't going to leave without saying goodbye I hope." Gwen said as she descended the white stairs, her dress billowing behind her.

"Of course not." Merlin answered, very obviously lying. "But really we won't be gone that long!"

The queen ignored him and went to hug him in her arms strongly, whispering something in his ear that Gwaine didn't catch.

"Yes Gwen." Merlin acknowledged. "I'll see you in a few days."

"You'd better." She answered before turning towards Gwaine. "And you, you'd better keep him safe."

Gwaine thought that, strangely enough, she looked even scarier that Arthur did.

"Wouldn't dream of doing anything else." He answered. "Don't I get a hug too?"

"I don't think so, no." Arthur interrupted before his wife could say anything.

Gwaine saw Merlin roll his eyes but still made a show of looking hurt.

"Fine, I'll leave believing I'm not important then."

He mounted his horse, Merlin doing the same next to him, and with a last glance, they turned their horses around, leaving the citadel.

* * *

**So, what do you think? Liked it? Hated it?**

**By the way, my little finger tells me you should keep an eye out for a one shot linked to this series ;)**


	34. Chapter 33

_**Hello dear readers,**_

_**Here is a new chapter of this story! I hope you will enjoy it :D!**_

_**As ever I thank you so much for reading this! Means a lot to me!**_

_**Leave a little word if you wish ;)**_

* * *

**Chapter 33:**

Merlin smiled as he inspected the necklace he had just finished. He could feel a small part of his magic throbbing inside, ready to protect its wearer. Suddenly he felt impatient to give it to Gwen.

A knock interrupted his contemplation and a second later, his servant entered the room.

"The king told me they were ready for you." He announced with a small bow.

"Of course. Thank you Jonathan. Could you help and carry this chainmail?" The warlock asked, gesturing towards the newly magically infused garment.

The servant nodded and obeyed. "Is this King Arthur's chainmail? It looks different." He blushed immediately after finishing his question.

Inwardly, Merlin sighed, wishing he could find a way to make his servant understand that it was okay to talk to him like an equal and not some noble.

"It is. I used a new polish I found in the market on it." He answered, making his way to the door and holding it open for his servant to pass.

As they walked towards the king's chambers, Merlin felt Jonathan's incredulous and curious gaze on him.

"I feel that there is something you want to ask me." The warlock said, getting tired of the silent observation.

The young man jumped at being caught and lowered his eyes.

"Come on, tell me what's bothering you." Merlin insisted.

"It's just… I… I don't understand why you keep polishing the kind's armor and stuff like that. It's… It's servant's work and you are a royal advisor…"

Merlin let out a small laugh that made his servant blush.

"Yes, it's true. I wonder too sometimes… But I was a servant far longer than I have been a royal advisor. And I don't like being treated like a noble. Some handwork never killed anyone. And, I guess some habits are hard to kill."

The young man nodded silently, looking a bit shocked at Merlin's answer. The warlock just smiled and soon they arrived at the familiar wooden door. For the sake of his servant's sanity, he knocked quickly before entering.

"Ah, Merlin! Here you are!" Arthur greeted as if he had been waiting for hours and not mere minutes.

"Yes, yes, I'm here. Good evening Gwen!" He answered, bowing slightly towards his queen but ignoring the king. "You can put this on the bed and leave Jonathan. Go home, I won't need you anymore."

"Very well my Lord."

Merlin cringed making Arthur laughed out loud.

"Don't look so disgusted Merlin, he's just showing you the proper respect, like any servant should." He commented when they were alone.

"I hate it." Merlin mumbled as he sat down at the table when a plate of grilled chicken was waiting, infusing the air with a delicious smell.

"Why did you have Arthur's chainmail Merlin?" Gwen asked. She began serving the food.

Merlin took a deep breathee.

"Well, that's what I wanted to talk to you both about." He began, feeling nervous. "As I'm sure Arthur told you, I will need to leave Camelot for a few days…" He waited for Gwen to nod before carrying on. "So, I have taken some time to put protective charms around the citadel and in the lower town… But, as we all know, Arthur is a magnet to disaster."

Arthur opened his mouth to protest but was stopped by Gwen's hand on his arm.

"He is right. Carry on Merlin."

"Yes. So, I've put extra charms on your chainmail. It should protect you, should any sorcerer come to seek vengeance. So you better wear it all the time."

Arthur gaped at him, looking an odd mix of rebellious and touched. Merlin ignored him and reached into his pocket for the cloth-covered jewel.

"As for you, Gwen, I made you this." He announced, extending his arm to her.

The queen reached out and took the cloth, gently opening it to reveal the simple looking necklace with a hanging bird, not unlike Arthur's mother sigil. Gwen gasped, putting a hand on his mouth as she stroked the jewel, observing the way the fire light reflected on the sapphire in the bird's eye.

"Merlin! It's beautiful!"

"It contains magic. It will protect you when you wear it." The warlock said, feeling his cheeks burn under his blush.

"I'll never take it off then." Gwen announced and reached behind her neck to close the jewel there.

"Thank you, Merlin." Arthur finally managed to say.

"Don't mention it."

They ate in silence for a moment.

"Does that mean you will leave soon, then?" Gwen asked as Merlin began clearing up the dishes.

"Yes. The day after tomorrow."

"So soon? I won't be able to convince the Council to let me go at such short notice!" Arthur exclaimed.

"It's okay Arthur. Gwaine will be coming with me anyway."

The king frowned at that.

"Arthur, really, I'll be fine. I know what I am doing!"

The blonde looked unconvinced.

* * *

The day of the planned departure, Merlin woke up feeling an odd mix of excitement and fear. For once, he had let himself have a complete night's rest without wandering the city using magic and he had to admit that he definitely felt far more energetic than he had for the past weeks.

He had just finished dressing when he heard Jonathan come into the room, nothing more than the light click of the closing door indicating the servant's presence.

"Your breakfast is on the table." The young man said as he began to make the bed. "What do you need me to do today?"

Merlin suddenly remembered that he hadn't warned his servant about his departure.

"Well, I forgot to tell you but I will be leaving the castle for a few days so you'd go and report to the steward. I'm sure he will find you something to do in the meantime."

The servant turned towards him, looking surprised and worried.

"Don't you want me to come with you? Prepare your bags? The supplies you will need? I can go to the kitchen…"

"No. Thank you Jonathan, that won't be necessary. My bag is already almost done and I won't need you while I travel. Sir Gwaine is coming with me and I'm sure we'll do fine together."

The servant nodded and went back to his work while Merlin sat down to eat his breakfast. When he was finished, Jonathan came and took the dirty dishes. He didn't say a word but Merlin felt that he wanted to. He had to wait until the man was at the door to hear his thoughts.

"Be careful Merlin."

The warlock smiled, happy at the use of his name without a "lord" or "sire" near it.

"Don't worry Jonathan. I'll be fine and back before you know it."

The servant once more nodded and left, leaving Merlin alone to finish packing.

* * *

Two hours later and Merlin was in the courtyard, saddling his horse and carefully fixing the supplies on the saddle. He wondered where Gwaine was. He had sent a passing servant to warn him of their imminent departure one hour ago.

He had his explanation when he saw the knight arrive not alone, but with the king in tow. Merlin told himself that he should have expected Arthur to do something like that. It didn't stop him from complaining to Gwaine. And the "nothing" he received in answer didn't sound like it was nothing. Merlin made a note to ask his friend about it again when they were out of the king's earing.

Speaking of which, Arthur made his way to stop near Merlin.

"Remember what I said." He said, sounding more serious that the warlock had ever heard him. "No playing hero. I want you to come home in one piece, okay?"

Merlin was touched by Arthur's concerned but tired of being treated like an incompetent child. What could he do to prove that he could take care of himself?

"Yes, Arthur." He said none the less, uncaring of how childishly rebellious he sounded.

He ignored Gwaine's poorly hidden laugh as the knight announced he was ready.

"Great. Let's go then. I want to be at the border by nightfall."

Merlin was about to mount his horse when he was stopped by Gwen's voice. He had hoped to avoid any teary goodbye. He would be back soon and this whole ceremonial really was useless to him.

"You weren't going to leave without saying goodbye I hope." The woman asked sounding every bit like the queen she was.

"Of course not." Merlin lied. "But really we won't be gone that long!"

He knew Gwen didn't believe him. She came near and hugged him tight enough that the warlock thought he wouldn't be able to breathe anymore.

"Promise me you will come back safe Merlin." She whispered to him.

The warlock hated how tight with worry her voice sounded.

"Yes Gwen." He said, trying to sooth her fears. He waited for her to let go before smiling at her. "I'll see you in a few days."

"You'd better. And you, you'd better keep him safe."

Merlin thought that she was scarier than Arthur and had to bit his cheek to stop his laugh as Gwaine once more tried to seduce Gwen. He rolled his eyes at Arthur's jealousy even if they all knew that Gwaine wasn't serious and that the hurt look on his face was only a fake one.

And then, they were finally ready to go and Merlin and Gwaine mounted their horses, turning them towards the horizon.

* * *

**So, how was it? Not too boring I hope? **

**Read you soon and in the mean time... Live long and prosper people ;)**


	35. Chapter 34

_**Hello everyone who is still here and THANK YOU for still being here.**_

_**So, I know, this chapter is super hyper late and I apologize deeply. My excuses are limited to : I went to London and then spent the week end after that organizing my photos and after that I spent a week end wrapping presents for a friend/colleague who's leaving work.**_

**_Yes, I know, all bad excuses. But what can I say... I hope you'll still like the chapter._**

**_No more talking for now._**

**_Enjoy reading!_**

**_And leave a little review if you want. To encourage me. Or scold me for being such a slow writer. I'd totally deserve this._**

* * *

**Chapter 34:**

For the rest of the morning, knight and warlock rode at a fast but comfortable pace, enjoying the wind in their faces and the earthy smell of the forest.

When the sun was directly above them, they stopped near a small brook to let their horse drink and graze while they sat down to their own lunch of dried meat and fruits they had picked nearby.

"So, how much did Arthur try to scare you?" Merlin asked, stretching his back as he finished his food.

Gwaine shrugged with a smile.

"Well, quite a bit. But you know me, I don't scare easily. And he didn't say anything I wasn't already thinking."

Merlin let out a small laugh before letting a comfortable silence fall.

The knight observed his friend silently while munching on an apple. Contrary to what he had expected, Merlin looked almost relaxed, even if it was clear he was focused on what was to come by the way his eyes kept sliding out of focus.

"Come on. We need to carry on if we want to reach the border tonight." The warlock finally announced as Gwaine finished his apple.

They mounted again and the knight let his friend lead the way through the forest, enjoying the fact that the warlock was using his magic to keep any low branches out of their way.

* * *

They took less time than Gwaine thought they would to reach the border but decided it would be better to pass the night on Camelot's territory before carrying on their way in the morning. Therefore, the knight let Merlin prepare the camp while he went out in the forest to secure it and hunt their dinner.

He came back as the sun was setting with a rabbit in hand to find a fire burning and two bedrolls prepared. Merlin sat on one of them, a dusty old book in lap.

"I've brought dinner!" He announced.

Merlin looked up with a smile, closed the book and put it away in his bag.

"What's the book?" The knight asked curiously as the warlock began preparing the rabbit for eating.

"It describes how to make the enhancement potion and perform the ritual. I was just re-reading it to make sure I don't miss a step."

Gwaine glanced at Merlin.

"What would happen if you did?"

"Well… Nothing good I guess… But don't worry, I've got this. I spent plenty of time making potions for Gaius. This is nothing different."

"Except it's magical.

Merlin's eyes caught him. It almost looked as if they glowed.

"So am I."

The knight couldn't help but laugh.

"Caution warlock or you will end up as pompous as our Princess."

The Warlock stared at him for a moment, looking almost thunderous, but then he laughed too.

"That would be horrible."

"Don't tell me!"

Their laughter carried on for a moment as they settled down, watching the rabbit cook over the fire.

"Seriously though… Are you really sure about this?"

"Gwaine." Merlin moaned. "If I wasn't, I wouldn't be here."

"But… Are you not concerned about what you saw in the crystals?"

Merlin sighed, eyes darkening.

"I can't say that I'm not. But… If I've learnt one thing about those crystals and their visions is that… Whatever is meant to happen will happen and whatever I would do to stop it from doing so will only make it worse."

"I understand."

After that, they didn't talk for a long time, eating the warm food.

"How long will it take to brew the potion?"

"Well… The magic enhancement one will be pretty quick. But the one I have to consume for the ritual needs a lot of time. Three days I'd say."

Gwaine nodded.

"We'd better get some sleep. I want to leave at first light." Merlin announced a little while later.

"I'll keep watch."

"There's no need for that Gwaine. Magic, remember? I've put wards around the camp. We are at no risk."

The knight stared a bit, silently amazed at the warlock's forethought.

"You know, I really like your magic." He commented and then settled down on his bedroll.

Merlin laughed.

"I hope it's not just my magic you like."

"Well, it is the real useful thing, is it not?"

A ball made of grass hit him square in the face and Gwaine spluttered before laughing too.

"See what I mean?"

"Shut up Gwaine!"

"Goodnight Merlin."

"Goodnight."

A shifting of covers was heard in the quiet of the forest and soon both men were asleep.

* * *

Another day of hard riding later and Gwaine and Merlin found themselves on the bank of a huge lake. In the middle of it, the knight could only just make out the Isle of the Blessed, surrounded by thick fog.

He saw Merlin visibly shudder next to him and wondered if the unease he was feeling was also affecting his friend.

"Come on." The Warlock said. "We'll have to leave the horses here."

It took almost an hour for them to build a pen to ensure the horses would still be there for the return trip and then they were off to find the old man who guarded the boat that would take them to the Isle.

Merlin gave him a golden coin before knight and warlock boarded the rickety thing. Gwaine was reminded of the last time he had been on this same boat and felt a sudden sadness at the memory of the late Lancelot.

His eyes fell on Merlin, sitting in front of him, and he knew that his friend thought of it too. He reached out and squeezed the bony shoulder of the warlock, eliciting a small smile that looked more like a grimace than anything.

The lake crossing was done in silence, only broken by the distant cries of what Gwaine knew as wyvern. And, the closer they got to the island, the colder the air became, making Gwaine and Merlin shiver.

Gwaine was only too glad to finally reach the abandoned castle and he lost no time in following Merlin onto dry ground. They just had the time to take their various bags from the boat before it left, rapidly disappearing ino the mist.

They shouldered their bags and Gwaine followed Merlin, trusting the warlock to find the right way. Another distant screech made him jump.

"Won't they be a problem?" The knight asked, gaze turning to the sky, expecting the winged creatures to descend on him like the last time he was there.

The warlock looked back at him, gaze confused, before he caught up.

"The wyverns? No, don't worry about them. They are close cousins to the dragons so my Dragonlord powers work on them. I forbade them from attacking us last time we were here."

"Oh. Nice."

"Come, I'm sure we can find a habitable room to establish camp somewhere."

And with that, both men entered the half crumpling castle, Merlin using his magic to light their way.

It took a good hour before they finally found a room that had a complete roof and windows without being too far from the central courtyard where Merlin planned to prepare his potions and perform the calling rituals.

By then, it was already night outside so they set up their sleeping mats and Merlin used his magic to clean and warm the room.

"Well, this is comfortable." Gwaine commented as he settled down.

Merlin smiled as he too settled down. They shared a small meal and before long decided that they'd better turn in.

The warlock dimmed the fire so the light wouldn't bother them but ensured it would keep burning through the night and Gwaine laid down. He couldn't deny he was tired but he felt too restless for sleep to come easily. He couldn't stop his mind from wondering what would happen the next day. He really didn't know what to expect from his magical friend.

The childish part of him couldn't wait to see the warlock unleash his power even though the brotherly side of him felt immensely worried.

He let out a deep breath and shifted his position, listening to his friend's deep, calm breathing. He could only hope for the best.

* * *

_**So, I hope that even if it is late it is good. **_

_**And I'm still not over the fact that I have talked to Steven Moffat and shaken hands with Mark Gattiss. My life is so completed now.**_


	36. Chapter 35

_**Hello my dear readers!**_

_**Did I just abandon you again? I am really very sorry. Honestly, I need someone to nag me if I don't post every two weeks ! Time just constantly runs away from me without me even noticing!**_

_**As ever I thank my Beta for her super awesome work! And of course you all readers to still be on this boat with me! And for my reviewers, I couldn't thank you enough! You're the ones making sure I carry on! And if I didn't answer to you, it might be because of some website bug!**_

_**Do not hesitate to message me ;)**_

_**Read on :D !**_

* * *

**Chapter 35:**

Merlin had to admit that it felt strange to be back on the Isle of the Blessed, especially given the circumstances.

He was excited at the prospect of finding new dragons but even that didn't quite stop the onslaught of painful memories from trying to steal his attention.

He could remember the last times he had been there in painful clarity. Lancelot turning towards him with a smile as he entered the torn Veil, sacrificing his life to allow Merlin to continue his destiny. Gaius slumped against a stone altar, Nimueh having just taken his life to save Arthur. He repressed a shudder as the old pain flared in his chest.

He saw Gwaine look back at him from where he sat in the front of the small boat and forced the memories back to where they belong. He didn't have the luxury of distraction.

They arrived on the Isle soon enough and the warlock felt the magic imbued in the land rush through him, making him shiver.

It felt as if there was more air here, as if the colours were brighter and the sun hotter. He repressed the need to use his magic right that second and instead began leading Gwaine through the castle ground.

"Won't they be a problem?" His friend asked a moment later, causing Merlin to turn towards him.

The warlock was confused until he heard a distinct screech.

"The wyverns?" He answered. "No, don't worry about them. They are close cousins to the dragons so my Dragonlord powers work on them. I forbade them from attacking us last time we were here."

"Oh. Nice." Merlin almost thought that he should feel offended at Gwaine's surprised tone.

"Come, I'm sure we can find a habitable room to establish camp somewhere."

And with that they spent the next hour exploring the castle.

Merlin was amazed at how big and relatively well conserved it was. It was easy to imagine how majestic it must have looked given the remnants of decoration they came across.

He wished he could have seen it then, experienced what it was like to be in such a magical place with others like him, where mutual understanding and a will to learn bonded them.

A quiet sigh escaped him. There was no need to dwell on a past that couldn't happen again, he needed to focus on a future he could make happen.

Finally, after an hour, both men found a room suitable to sleep in. With a small burst of power, Merlin cleaned it of its layer of dust and set up their bedroll before lighting a fire.

He smiled as Gwaine settled down with a small groan, congratulating him on the setting.

They ate a light dinner before settling to sleep.

Despite a growing nervousness for things to come, Merlin found himself quickly falling asleep, lulled by the feeling of magic all around him.

* * *

The next morning, Merlin woke up as the sun was just rising above the horizon. He felt itchy, impatient to begin his work.

Glancing at Gwaine, he saw he knight still asleep and decided not to wake him up. After all, he could do nothing but help prepare the necessary materials.

Nodding to himself, he pushed himself up, stretched and reached for the bag full of supplies at his feet. Silently, he made his way to the door head outside to the central courtyard.

The central courtyard. Where he had battled, and killed, Nimueh. Where he had first felt the rush of power bigger than himself. Where he had truly understood that his magic could be used for both good and evil.

Even now he still didn't know if what he had done had been good or evil. Because yes, he had saved Gaius, and Arthur, and his mother, but he had killed another human being, even if she had been misguided.

Gingerly, he entered the stone circle and approached the stone altar there. He let his bag fall gently to the ground and put his hands on the cold stone. He closed his eyes, letting the power around him fill his senses, basking in the tingling warmth, welcoming it.

Once he was comfortable he reopened his eyes and noticed that the sky was significantly brighter than he remembered. He took a deep breath and it felt like he could smell hundreds of different odours. He felt connected to the Island like never before.

He smiled softly before kneeling down and beginning to set out what he needed.

He first placed his magic book on the left of the altar, making sure it was out of the way and casting a quick charm to protect it against water and fire, just in case his natural clumsiness got in the way. Then, he carefully placed the various leaves and powders on the right side of the altar in the order he would need them.

That left him with a large space in the middle.

Reaching once more in his bag, he retrieved a brush and white paint and began copying the runes of his book, arranging them in a circle. Taking a step back, he made sure each design looked exactly like it did in the book.

Satisfied with his work, he replaced the book in its place, spread both palms above the circle and closed his eyes. Concentrating once more on his magic, he let it rise in him before speaking the incantation he had learnt. It would help channel the magic of the place into the potion and keep it there.

The first step of the ritual successfully concluded, Merlin placed the small cauldron he had bought in the middle of the circle on a stand that would allow a fire to be lit underneath.

After a final check that everything was at its right place, he decided it was time for some breakfast. A few whispered words ensured that nothing would be blown away as he took his now empty bag and left the stone circle, feeling only a slight shift in the atmosphere as he did.

On a hunch and following his newfound connection with the island, he crossed the open space to find a door in the outer wall. It took a few tugs and a little bit of magic before it opened to reveal a garden.

Obviously, it was wild and unkempt but the warlock could see various fruits and vegetables that had kept thriving despite the lack of care.

He even spotted an apple tree.

Merlin hummed softly as he began collecting enough food for a nice breakfast broth, not forgetting a handful of apples for his friend.

Bag heavy, he made his way back towards the inside of the castle, easily finding the route to their camp.

He entered the room and was almost blinded by the glare of the now well risen sun.

The warlock was astonished to find his friend still asleep despite the clarity of room.

"Wake up sleepyhead, I've got breakfast!" He announced loudly, making Gwaine visibly jump.

The knight scrambled up while reaching for his sword. His hair was spiked all around his face and Merlin couldn't stop himself from bursting out laughing.

Gwaine glared at him and tossed him his balled cover. Merlin easily ducked and retaliated by tossing the knight an apple.

"Come on, brush that hair of yours back into submission while I make breakfast."

* * *

_**So, how did you like the chapter?**_


	37. Chapter 36

**_Hello everyone !_**

**_Nope, you're not dreaming, this is a new chapter, and on time ! Yay !_**

**_As ever, I thank you all for your support and for carrying on reading this story ! And thank you to my wonderful Beta for making this story readable :D !_**

**_Also, as some of you may have noticed, I have finally created an account of AO3 but don't worry if you're not there, here will always be my first love ;) ! (I just wanted to reach more of the Class fandom as there are many more stories there)_**

**_Finally, on this November 27th, I am dedicated this chapter to my virtual syster, the one who always believes in me and who sent me her very first e-mail 12 years ago. I can safely say I would not be here today without her._**

**_Anyway, enjoy!_**

* * *

**Chapter 36**

Gwaine watched as Merlin pulled vegetable after vegetable from his pack. He was almost certain that they hadn't brought all of them from Camelot.

"Where did you get all this food?" He wondered aloud as he used his fingers to brush his hair back in some sense of order.

"Found the castle gardens earlier. Turns out vegetables kept growing even without gardeners" Merlin answered from where he was busy chopping carrots. "I'll show you later."

The knight stared at the casual sentence. He could see that something had changed in the warlock, that he felt… comfortable where he was.

"And when were you up exactly?"

"A while ago, I went down to prepare everything for the potion."

"You should have woken me!"

Merlin looked up at him with a frown.

"Why? It's not like you could have done anything to help Gwaine."

The knight really wanted to protest but had to admit that his friend was right. He was way out of his area of expertise here.

"What if someone attacked you or something?" He mumbled instead.

The warlock laughed.

"Well, I don't know if you noticed Gwaine but we're alone on this island. There's no one to attack me."

Gwaine crossed his arms, admitting defeat, watching as Merlin put his vegetables on to cook.

"So, what's the plan for today?" He asked after a moment.

"I thought we could explore a bit this morning and then at noon I will have to begin making the magic enhancing potion. It's really a patience game after that. Each ingredient has to be put in after a precise amount of time. Not too soon, not too late, and all with various incantations."

"What about the one for the calling?"

"I'll do it afterwards. The magic enhancing one can be stored for a small amount of time if you are in a magic-bathed place like here. The one for the calling has to be consumed immediately."

Gwaine nodded.

"Remind me again how long this will all take?"

"Around three days."

* * *

Three days. At first Gwaine thought that _okay, right, not that long_.

He thought he wouldn't notice the time pass.

How wrong he had been.

Granted, at first, he hadn't noticed the time pass. On the first day he and Merlin had explored every accessible part of the castle. Both men had been amazed at how impressive it was. And the knight had been even more fascinated by the fact that his friend instinctually knew his way around the maze of corridors.

He had questioned the ability and, once more, Merlin had simply cryptically answered that it was _magic_ before explaining that he had somehow connected with the island when beginning to work on the potion. He said that it would help with the ritual if he could draw on the surrounding magic.

Gwaine struggled to grasp what that meant exactly but equally knew he never would because he didn't have magic.

After that, Merlin had lead him to the courtyard where he had set up his work place and then made him swear to never cross the stone circle.

"It is imperative that I am the only one in this circle Gwaine." He explained, sounding oddly like one of Gwaine's old teachers. The knight didn't like it one bit. "I really don't know what would happen to you if you went in it. Or to me… And I don't want to find out. This is where the magic will be at its strongest. Promise me you'll never enter."

The long haired man was reluctant but he trusted the magician in front of him to know what he was doing, so he agreed.

Merlin nodded with a small smile.

"Good. Now I really have to begin the brewing. Feel free to do anything you like."

And with that he turned to the altar and Gwaine watched as he began his work, lighting a small magical fire underneath his cauldron.

The knight hesitated for a long time but when it looked like Merlin wouldn't need him and that nothing interesting would be happening, he decided to carry on exploring the island.

He came just back as the light was beginning to diminish to find Merlin still standing in front of the altar, back to him. However, he immediately noticed that the warlock was more hunched than when he had left and that he seemed to be leaning against the stone in front of him.

He bit his lips to repress the want to cry out and check on his friend. He didn't want to risk scaring Merlin and making him drop something.

He came as close as possible to the stone circle without entering it and carefully observed the younger man. It was clear that the warlock's position was strained and Gwaine wished he could do something to help but he remembered his promise.

There was nothing he could do until Merlin finished.

The minutes that passed felt like hours to the knight but, finally, just as the last rays of sun entered the courtyard, Merlin took a step back. Gwaine could see that his hands were shaking slightly.

"Merlin?" He asked softly, making the warlock jump before turning towards him.

Gwaine saw the exhaustion in the lines around Merlin's eyes.

"You okay mate?"

He tried to kept his tone light but some of his worry bled through to the simple question.

Merlin nodded, his right hand reached up to rub at his neck.

"Yes, yes, of course."

And if that wasn't a lie, Gwaine would stop drinking. Experience told him however, that trying to get the truth out of his friend now would lead to nothing except more lies so he just nodded.

"Well then I think you deserve a long rest. Let's go back to camp and I'll cook tonight."

Merlin pulled a face that somehow reassured Gwaine even if he should be offended by his friend's lack of faith in his cooking abilities.

"I do know how to cook despite what you seem to think!" He exclaimed for the sake of it.

"Of course Gwaine, of course."

With a mock growl, the knight reached out and tugged Merlin's to his side, rubbing his knuckles into the younger man's skull.

"Ow! Gwaine! Stop it! I'm sorry! I'm sure dinner will be delicious!"

Gwaine stopped the mock torture but kept his arm around Merlin, grateful for the excuse to make sure his fried wouldn't kneel over from exhaustion.

The fact that Merlin let him do didn't help to alleviate his worry.

True to his words, the knight began working on dinner the second they arrived in the room that was serving as their camp while Merlin sat down heavily on his sleeping mat.

It didn't take long for food to be ready – mainly because the knight just used their dried meat and some vegetables from Merlin's morning harvest. Nonetheless proud of himself, Gwaine turned towards his friend with a smug grin. Only to find Merlin fast asleep, slumped sideway on his mat in what couldn't be a comfortable position.

The knight shook his head at the unfairness of it before settling the food back down. He went to his friend and gently rearranged his limbs so he wouldn't wake up with kinks in his every muscle and covered the younger man with his covers, smiling as Merlin snuggled in them with a contented sigh.

* * *

The next morning, Gwaine woke up to sunshine and a definitely Merlin-less room. Part of him thought he should have expected that. It didn't help the annoyance he felt towards his friend.

The only thing that somehow slowed his rising temper was the fact that the plate of food he had left for the warlock was empty.

With a grumble, he pushed himself up and snagged an apple before going out to look for his wayward friend.

As expected, he found his friend in the courtyard's stone circles in front of his cauldron. Carefully approaching, he saw that Merlin looked far better than the last evening and was somewhat reassured. He decided, however, that he wouldn't make the same mistake twice and would stay right where he was, standing vigil. Just in case something went wrong.

He disappeared just long enough to find some wood he could carve to pass the time and then settled down on the ground.

Two hours later and Gwaine knew two things: carving wood could only occupy you so long and he hated waiting.

Absolutely hated it.

And the wait was made even worth by the fact that as time trickled by he could see Merlin getting more and more strained.

He kept a careful eye on his friend as the young man mixed and incanted and it was clear that each bit of magic was beginning to take its toll.

Gwaine's skin itched with the need to do something but he forced himself to remember the promise he made to Merlin. He couldn't do anything.

When the sun reached its peak, Merlin took a small step back from the altar and reached for the water skin that has been lying on his right. The knight recognized it as the one the warlock had taken with him into the Crystal Cave. It made his back straightened at the memory of his friend's distress there.

He watched as Merlin poured the water slowly into the potion before carefully closing the skin again and placing his slightly shaking hands above the cauldron. He took a deep breath and then Gwaine heard him say another complicated incantation.

Just like other times, the words were gibberish to the knight, but this time, he could almost swear he felt a rush of something pass through him. He shuddered just before the warlock in front of him let out a cry, knees buckling underneath him sending him crashing to the ground.

Immediately on his feet, Gwaine rushed towards his friends and only stopped a hair's breath away from the stone circle.

"Merlin!" He cried out, uncaring that his voice was shaking in fright. "Merlin, answer me!"

He could see his friend's shoulders heaving and his limbs trembling as his head was bowed against the stone altar.

"Merlin!"

It took what felt like an eternity for the warlock to finally answer, voice rough and unsteady.

"I'm okay Gwaine."

"Like hell you are!" Gwaine answered, heart beating fast with anxiety. "Come back here!"

But, obviously, the knight should have known his stubborn friend wouldn't agree so easily.

"Can't. Have to finish this."

"Bloody hell mate! You're in no shape right now!"

Merlin ignored him, unmoving for a long time before shakily pulling himself up again with the help of the altar against which he leant his whole weight.

"I have to finish this." Merlin repeated and Gwaine wondered who he was trying to convince: him, or himself?

* * *

_**So? How was it?**_

_**For the record I also have to mention I am in love with Fantastic Beasts &amp; that, as mentioned, the Doctor Who sequel Class is becoming a new obsession of mine. **_


	38. Chapter 37

**_Helloooo my dear readers!_**

**_Surpriiiiise! I thought that as a thank you for being so good to me you deserved a double update over this Christmas!_**

**_So, basically, once again, Merry Christmas to those celebrating! And also, slightly in advance... Happy New Year! I hope 2017 will be better for you than 2016 and that your dreams will come true! I know that some of mine are definitely going to!_**

**_Again let me thank you all for following me and supporting me especially with those random updates! You are all precious to me! And even more precious is my wonderful Beta! THANK YOU!_**

**_And now, I'll just say that this is one of the biggest chapter I ever wrote and it is definitely moving the story forward!_**

**_Without further ado, ENJOY!_**

* * *

**Chapter 37:**

Merlin woke up with a start to a darkened room and Gwaine's snores. He gingerly pushed himself into a sitting position, pleased to notice that none of the previous aches and fatigue remained. Only a slight pain in his stomach told him that he should eat something. His eyes fell on the plateful of food next to his sleeping mat and he smiled. Gwaine could be such a mother hen.

Preparing the magic enhancing potion was every bit as complicated as Merlin had expected, the warlock reflected as he ate. He had to work his hardest to focus on what he was doing and not make any mistakes. He knew the perils should he do anything wrong. A falsely pronounced word, a bit too much of this leaf or that root, too much or not enough heat and he would die. In extreme pain.

He repressed a shudder. He knew he would succeed. No need to worry.

Once his plate was cleared, he stood up and went to the window. He saw the red hues of the new day beginning to appear in the east and knew it was almost time to get back to the potion. He took the time to reignite the fire and make sure Gwaine was comfortable before leaving, small magical light in hand, literally, to guide his way.

The ambient magic seemed to greet him when he arrived in the courtyard and he lost no time getting back to the potion. He checked that its consistence and colour were the same as described in the book and then began chopping the next batch of herbs that would need to go in, humming softly in the quiet.

Hours later, when the sky was bright, he heard Gwaine enter the courtyard but didn't acknowledge his friend. He couldn't get distracted. Diligently, he counted the number of times he stirred the potion before saying the required incantation, feeling a small portion of his power drain into it.

At midday, Merlin reached for one of the last ingredients. The one he feared the most if he was honest with himself.

Carefully, he opened the flask of water for the Crystal Cave and with precaution let some of it fall into the slightly bubbling potion. He could feel the power shift around him with the addition of the water from magic's birthplace. It made his hands shake as cold sweat erupted on the back of his neck.

He closed the flask again, put it down out of the way and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath to focus on the magic all around him. This was by far the trickiest part.

When he finally felt in control, he pronounced the incantation he had made sure to learn.

Immediately, the magic around him seemed to rise up and submerge him like a tidal wave. Against his will, he let out a cry and fell to his knees as power stronger than he had ever felt before painfully passed through his body until he felt like his skin was too small.

It felt like he couldn't breathe.

And then, for a terrifying moment, it felt like all of his own power was sucked into the potion.

He heard Gwaine call out to him but couldn't answer it as he struggled to workl his lungs.

After a long time, he finally managed to answer his friend's more and more desperate calls.

"I'm okay Gwaine." He said, cringing at his breathless voice.

"Like hell you are! Come back here!"

Merlin shook his head, now was not the time to be weak. He still had some work to do and he was so close. He forced deep breathes into his lungs to help clear his head and stop his limbs from shaking so much.

"Can't. Have to finish this."

He didn't turn to watch but he could imagine Gwaine's angry expression.

"Bloody hell mate! You're in no shape right now!"

Once more, Merlin forced himself to ignore both his friend and his body to instead pull himself up. He felt lightheaded but resisted the almost unbearable need to sit back down by leaning his weight against the stone altar.

"I have to finish this." He repeated, willing his body to just cooperate a little longer with him.

Forcing his shaking hand into as much stillness as he could, he once more began slowly stirring the spoon in the cauldron.

After a quarter of hour, he added the last roots, making the potion sizzle. Another half hour of agitation and it was finally ready.

Pouring the potion into a medium sized glass vial was a difficult feat when you were shaking and still mildly light-headed but Merlin managed it. He was relieved to see that his potion was the right consistence and colour and that he could feel the power radiating from it.

He had done it!

Despite the exhaustion that threatened to overwhelm him, he let out a small laugh and grinned.

He was now one step closer to bringing back the dragons.

He slowly turned back and was faced with Gwaine's partly worried, partly angry expression. His smile fell. He didn't enjoy putting his friend through that but it was necessary. Shakily, he pushed away from the stone altar and walked the few steps it took to cross out of the stone circle.

The usual shift in the air made him wobble and he would have fell had Gwaine not immediately reached for him and helped him sit down.

"God Merlin you look awful! Are you alright?"

Merlin closed his eyes, trusting Gwaine to take care of him and nodded.

"I'm fine Gwaine."

He had to admit that even he wasn't convinced by his answer.

Now that he was sitting down, he just wanted to sleep.

"Hey! Hey! Stay with me!"

The urgency in the knight's voice made him open his eyes again.

"I'm right here." He answered.

Gwaine shook his head.

"Come on, let's go back to the camp, you need to eat something."

"I just want to sleep."

Merlin had not meant to let that escape but it was the truth. He'll be fine after some sleep. A lot of sleep.

He let himself be half-carried by Gwaine. He honestly wanted to walk on his own but just couldn't get his feet to cooperate.

He could feel the knight mumble under his breathe but couldn't bring himself to pay attention. He felt drained.

He hadn't notice they had entered their room until Gwaine made him sit on his sleeping mat.

"Don't fall asleep on me again. You need food." The knight ordered.

Merlin thought of a snarky reply but it never made it past his lips. He fought to obey. Objectively, he knew his friend was right. He needed food.

"Here."

Merlin looked up to see Gwaine holding out a plate of fruit and dried meat.

"Thanks." He said before beginning to pick at the meat.

He had to admit food made him feel better.

"Did it work then?" The knight asked after a moment of silence.

Merlin nodded with a grin before yawning.

"Now, sleep." Gwaine ordered.

The warlock was only too happy to oblige and let himself fall back on his sleeping mat.

* * *

The next time Merlin woke it was to the light of a setting sun. He could have thought it to be only a few hours after settling down but the heaviness in his limbs told a very different story.

"Look at that! Sleeping beauty is finally awake!"

He turned around to see Gwaine entering the room, arms full of wood, satchel bouncing against his left hip. Even if his tone was cheery, the warlock could tell his friend had been dreadfully worried about him.

Guilt flowed through him like a wave.

"Yeah." He had to clear his throat, only then noticing how parched his mouth felt.

A flask of water appeared in front of him and he gratefully took and emptied it.

"Thanks Gwaine… Sorry about that."

He made a vague gesture at himself that made the long haired knight snort.

"Yeah…. Here, I kept food for you."

"You really didn't have too." Merlin said standing with a wince. He had gotten used to sleeping in a proper bed far too quickly.

He settled near the fire to eat the plate Gwaine gave him, feeling the man's stare surveying his every move.

"God Gwaine!" He cried out after ten minutes of silent observation. "I'm fine and you're giving me the creeps."

The knight answered with a quiet growl and came to sit in front of him.

"Sorry to worry about your well-being Merlin."

The warlock sighed, settling down the now empty plate.

"Gwaine… I… I didn't mean it like that. I appreciate your concern. Really. But… I can take care of myself. I know what I'm doing."

Another snort answered him.

"Okay, yes, I mostly know what I'm doing. But that doesn't mean you have to worry so much. It won't change anything."

Gwaine seemed to deflate too.

"I know. I know. I can't stop myself."

Merlin nodded.

"Well, it seems we're stuck. Truce?"

He extended his hand and Gwaine gripped it tightly.

"Yeah, whatever."

The warlock knew that it wasn't optimal but at least it had stopped Gwaine from unblinkingly staring at him.

"Now, I think I'll go back to sleep. Big day tomorrow."

"What do you mean?" Gwaine asked.

"Well the enhancement potion was the longest most difficult potion to make. Tomorrow I can brew the ritual one and attempt the calling."

"What?" The knight exclaimed. "But… But… Surely you need more rest…"

Merlin shook his head, even if it was true that he still felt somewhat weary he also knew that the more he waited the less potent the enhancing would be, thus the riskier the calling.

"Which is why I'm going back to sleep right now."

Gwaine opened and closed his mouth as if to say something but he had obviously understood that Merlin would not be deterred so he just shook his head.

"Fine. Goodnight then."

"Goodnight Gwaine. Get some rest too."

* * *

The next morning, Merlin felt almost back to normal and itching with impatience.

This was it.

This was the day.

He stood up and stretched silently, careful not to wake the still slumbering knight.

He prepared a copious breakfast and then went to wake his friend. He had no wish to further anger the man.

Breakfast passed quickly and, soon, knight and warlock found themselves back in the courtyard.

"Brewing the potion will take me most of the morning." Merlin explained. "I'd tell you to go your own way but I have a feeling you won't listen, will you?"

Gwaine smiled as he sat down in front of the stone altar just outside the stone circle.

"Not a chance, mate."

"Don't complain that you're bored then." Merlin joked as he went to his new workplace.

He first began by checking the enhancing potion and was relieved to feel the power still emanating from it in gentle waves and then he once again settled everything out for the second potion.

Three hours later and he poured the clear potion into a vial, feeling proud of his work. It had felt so much easier to brew this potion as he had gained the knowledge from Kilgharrah. It had felt…. natural.

"Is it done?" He heard Gwaine ask from behind him.

"Almost." Merlin answered "Just need one final ingredient."

He kept the vial in his hand and went to stand next to Gwaine.

He took a deep breath and called Aithusa to him. He knew it was useless to ask for Kilgharrah to come as the old dragon had made his opinion of the calling very clear.

It didn't take long before the sound of flapping wings disturbed the peaceful quiet of the island and then the young white dragon was standing in front of them. She respectfully bowed to her dragonlord before jumping closer to rub against Gwaine's side and Merlin's thigh.

"Hello Gwaine. Hello Merlin." She saluted in her still not quite confident voice.

"Hello darling." Gwaine answered, petting the dragon lovingly.

Merlin rolled his eyes. Those two had formed a weird bond in the few times they had spent together.

Merlin kneeled down so he was level with the white dragon.

"Do you know what I have to do Aithusa?" He asked the creature.

He had to admit that this was probably the worst part for him. The dragon nodded.

"I do."

Merlin bowed his head and reached into his pocket for the small silver knife.

"I'm sorry I have to do this."

Aithusa warm snout bumped his shoulder, her big eyes observing him trustfully.

From the corner of his eye he saw Gwaine observe the scene curiously. Merlin sighed.

"For the potion to be completed I need drops of dragon blood given willingly." He explained.

He took a calming breath and turned back to the dragon.

"Better do this now, yeah?"

Aithusa nodded and extended her left foreleg. Merlin gently took it and slid the knife between the dragon's smallest scales on the inside of her paw.

The dragon flinched slightly making Merlin's heart squeeze painfully. He hated to hurt the innocent creature.

Immediately, bright red blood welled up and Merlin reached for the vial next to him and let five drops fall into the potion, tinting it pink.

It made Merlin slightly sick.

When the potion had the right texture he let go of Aithusa's limb. She breathed on it and Merlin watched as the wound closed.

"Thank you Aithusa." He said, bowing to her.

"Do not." The dragon whined, nudging him.

Merlin smiled at her then clapped his hands.

"Okay, let's do this! You may want to step back." He advised his friends.

Gwaine looked very reluctant but he gingerly pushed himself up. He hesitated a moment before surprising Merlin by pulling him to a quick but strong hug.

"You better get this right."

"Don't worry Gwaine."

He smiled at his friend, nodded at his dragon and then turned his back to them, walking purposely towards the stone altar.

He felt like he was at the edge of a huge change, his whole body tingling with anticipation.

The closer he got, the more the world seemed to stop around him.

Expecting.

Waiting.

He took his time focusing his power, breathing calmly through his nose, eyes closed, feeling the island's magic around him.

When he was ready, he reopened his eyes and reached for the vial of magic enhancing potion.

With a last backward glance at Gwaine and Aithusa, he drank the whole potion.

For a few seconds, nothing happened. And then he felt a wave of power like he had never felt before rise inside him and engulf him so totally it blinded him, once more stealing the breath from his lungs.

With a gasp he fell to the ground.

He could feel everything around him.

It felt like the whole world was pulsing.

It felt like his skin was too tight for all this.

He felt scattered and lost in the magic. Completely out of control.

"Merlin!"

The cry only barely registered but it was enough to help the warlock focus again.

Clenching his fists, he forced himself to his feet again and reached for the dragon potion.

Even the texture of the glass vial felt different. It was fascinating.

It was also frightening.

He wondered what he could do with all this power at his disposal.

He shook his head.

He uncorked the flask and drank the second potion without giving himself more time to think.

Almost immediately a fiery pain hit him.

It felt like his blood was set ablaze, burning through his veins, scorching his muscles.

He cried out, once again falling down.

He felt Gwaine and Aithusa move towards him thanks to his newly expanded powers and hastily erected a shield to stop them.

Tears fell from his eyes, mixing with the sweat pouring off his skin.

The pain wasn't decreasing and he struggled to concentrate.

He let out another cry, fists clenching the earth beneath him.

He couldn't think.

And then he felt the soothing brush of Aithusa's mind in his.

It was the first time she had ever reached to him like that.

"Merlin." Her voice soothed. "It's okay Merlin. Just focus. You can do it."

And with that the warlock remembered what he was doing all of this for.

He forced another deep breath into his burning lungs, threw his head back to the heaven and screamed out the incantation Kilgharrah had burnt into his mind.

At the end of it, he felt the newfound power inside him rise and expand, exploding from him in seemingly endless waves.

It felt as if he was shattering in the wind.

He couldn't have said how long it took but then, as quickly as it started, he could feel all the magic disappear leaving only pain behind.

For a terrifying, heart-stopping moment he felt empty.

And then darkness claimed him.

* * *

**_And that's it for me this year! Tell me what you thought in a little review!_**


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